TexasGirl

My H definitely exhibits many signs of alcoholism. But one thing I don't get is that he basically limits the extreme behavior to the weekends (with a few exceptions, of course). And I know you can still be an A and only drink once a month or something (though I struggle with that a little). But I find myself wondering, is my situation bad enough to leave? I don't have it as bad as some other people here. I get over whatever chaos took place on the weekend by Tuesday. He's functional and makes an adequate living. He doesn't blow money he doesn't have on drinking. Are these relationships just as toxic as the ones with 24/7 drunks?

walkingtheline

You said:
Is THAT really how you want to live? That's the key here, not whether or not he's an A, not how much money he may or may not earn or spend...it's not about HIM. It's your life. You get to decide how to live it. By YOUR yardstick, not anyone elses!

Ok, I'll take a deep breath! Texas Girl, this is not about him or his life. It's about yours. Don't measure your happiness or unhappiness by others, it's the content of your heart, it's your needs, your dreams and your life that should be the central issue.

Only you can decide whether to stay or go, or what to do about the issues in your life. We can share our experiences and offer our opinions, but, yes, it's yours.

Maybe it's list making time?

ASpouse

Sounds like a binge drinker.

luvmyfurbabies

Texasgirl, what walkingtheline said is very true. My AH is actually a pretty decent guy except he drinks about 12 beers EVERY day. He makes a very good living, does a lot of the cooking, keeps the grass cut, never yells at me, never goes to bars, etc. I also feel I don't have it as bad as a lot of people, but at 45, I question how I want to live the rest of my life. I've been so busy taking care of everyone else I don't know how to take care of me. My mom lives in an apartment attached to our garage so I do a lot for her too. My dad has mental issues and is sometimes verbally abusive to me. You have to think about what you want. That is what I'm now trying to do.

FriendofBill

What he is doing is called "Controlled drinking".

Trying different "schedules' to see if it will work. Weekends now, maybe next time is will be only after 5 pm. Or switch from beer to Wine, scotch to vodka, sangria to gin.

Attempting to control the drinking to see if he can. he will find, if he is truly alcoholic, he cannot.

He is suffering also from the "notyet's"........its not that bad...yet, not yet. But it will be.

FriendofBill

and, yes, it is just as bad as those who drink 24/7.

Just curious, how do you "get over" it?

Godblessu

It's not the frequency that makes someone an alcoholic but how the body handle alcohol. In body of an Alcoholic, alcohol make Alcoholic crave for more. My AH started with binge drinking once a month and rapidly progress to 4 times a week. I used to think that hey I don't have it as bad as other people because my AH still goes to work everyday and doesn't beat me. But I just know that this disease is progressive although my AH is trying to control his drinking. He would drink less one day...only to binge two days later. I agree with other post above that it's about you. What do you want in your life. Believe me, he is not thinking about you...so enjoy your life.

minnie

I had to learn to stop comparing myself and my situation to that of others. I could never know exactly what was going on in someone elses life, so I was working from a position of imperfect information. I don't know what keeps other people in situations that I couldn't tolerate. But then, I don't have kids, wasn't married to the alcoholic, was only renting a house. Perhaps I would have made different decisions in different circumstances. All I can do is be true to myself and my hopes and dreams. Seeing the bigger picture always helps me get the perspective I need to follow my path.

TexasGirl

OK, I can't figure out how to quote multiple people, so I'll do it manually...
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WTL: Don't measure your happiness or unhappiness by others, it's the content of your heart, it's your needs, your dreams and your life that should be the central issue.

Me: Confession time. I think I'm intelligent. I play the "independence card" all the time. But, and I do not want to admit this, I can't seem to think for myself. It's sick! I'm a people pleaser. I strive to keep everyone in balance and happy. It's not that I avoid doing things for me (I take PLENTY of me time), but I don't even know what I want. Sometimes I feel like I need someone to tell me what I want. It makes it hard to act in your own best interest. Just when I think I might know what I want, I start to wonder if it really is. My mom, with the best of intentions, "brainwashed" me day in and day out to do what she thought was the right thing. It often was...go to a great college, don't marry until you graduate, etc. But I don't even have a clue what I want or how to figure that out. I'm like a facade of a person. And I'm just now realizing it. I guess that's why I keep trying to ask you all what I want.
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ASpouse: Sounds like a binge drinker.

Me: He definitely binges on the weekend (sometimes those last longer than the weekend though), and drinks 2 - 5 on weeknights.
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FOB: Just curious, how do you "get over" it?

Me: I'm the most easy-going, happy-go-lucky person you will ever meet. Nothing gets me too riled up, and if I do get mad, I just get over it quickly. That's just me.
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Minnie: I could never know exactly what was going on in someone elses life, so I was working from a position of imperfect information.

Me: I just think this is such a great statement. It applies to so many things.

walkingtheline

Texas Girl...have you considered Dr. Phil's Self-Matters?

Whether you like him or hate him it is a good book and workbook to go through to find out who you are and what you want. It might be a nice starting point.

Savana 54

Sounds very much like my xabf's drinking patterns. Although, I would look at his Father, and the fact that xabf likes to gamlbe too; and that pretty much sealed the deal to get out of that relationship.

I don't want to be married or have children with someone that loves the bottle and a Keno machine more then me.