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My mother in law trys to make me feel quilty about me not going to visit very often. My main reason is my health. I have severe asthma. MY mil and her brother chain smoke in a room that is 8 x 8. At holidays the # of people goes up to 8 or 10. I have had to go to the emergency room at least 4 times over the years. Also, she is mean to my son. He had been saving up to buy a 4 wheeler. At x-mas she went and bought a 4 x 4 toddler toy and wrapped it up. She told all the relations and everyone thought it was soo funny. My H had to stop her before she made my son cry. My h goes and visits with her at least once or twice a month. Her brother lives with her now and he is in a wheel chair. He has an aide that come in a few times a week to bath and care for him. Even though he has been given wrap around towels, he spends the day in his chair with a small towel over him. His privates and backside aren't covered by much. My daughter gets upset by this she has just turned 9. I e-mail my mil regularly and forward any good jokes I get. We take her out for dinner or lunch a few times a year. Any suggestions. I almost forgot to mention that she drinks a manhatten that has 9 shots in it while preparing dinner. Am I way off base in not wanting to go very often? Kerry

best

Nope
You are doing just what you need to do for your safety and peace of mind.
An unhealthy situation for you. An unhealthy emotional situation for your children... You have every right and duty to do what you feel is best for you and your family.

Fire_Wind_Rain

Ah yes. MIL's. I used to get along fabulously with mine, then a dramatic, lifestyle and lifechanging event came that brought out colors in her that I never ever knew existed in the Crayola box. Everything my husband had been telling me for years suddenly became crystal clear.

I tried and tried to foster our relationship, but she got odder and odder, and started pushing out my own children more and more. I decided the bottom line was what I could live with in terms of my own efforts. Without going into massive detail, she suddenly began displaying behaviors that are detrimental to any child's good health and well being. I stopped going up there, and stopped taking my children up there even though she's only 5 minutes away. My husband backs this up wholeheartedly. We see her only a few times a year now. Unfortunately today is one of those days where a get together is necessitated. Lucky me.

So I guess the moral of the story is, all you can do is what you can comfortably live with. As a great woman once said, "no one can make you feel inferior without your consent." You have an obvious reason with your asthma, and you obviously have very good reason with the things going on with your children. Continue to do what you're comfortable with, and let those guilty feelings go.

Funny you mentioned about the 4x4. My MIL did that to me once. My dream car was a classic Mustang. Before I actually got my 66 baby one Christmas she got me a Matchbox Mustang after they had just bought themselves a brand new minivan as well as a new truck. She laughed hysterically.

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Thanks I quess I needed to be reminded of the obvious. Now I know just how I don't want to act when my children get married. Thanks for the responses!! Kerry