splendra

Well it's my family again....for those of you who don't know my mom allows my 3 crack and alcohol addicted siblings to live with her and my sisters child who is supposely autistic(but I think he is just scr3wed up from living with crack addicts all his life, and a rageaholic grandmother who takes care of him)

Anyway, they don't have a car. My oldest brother just got out of prison is now an expert on how I should be helping out the family. I have explained to him that mom's house is not a safe place for me. I tried to explain it to him but, they just see that I am not there fulfilling their needs. It only takes about 20 minutes of me being around them and I am almost ready for the nut house.

My mom called me this morning with her usual tale of woe about how noboby will help her in between screaming at my nephew to invite me to a cookout tommorrow. God my heart is just killing me. My H gets mad at me when I go over there cause he says he can see how it breaks me down and I agree it does.

Holidays.....&$*#@!!!!!

FormerDoormat

Splendra:

Holidays don't have to be awful. You don't have to spend time with unhealthy people who make you crazy. Why don't you and hubby do something together--just the two of you?

Aquiana

Sorry, I can't help you much other than to lend you an ear. I would say though that if you aren't comfortable going, I wouldn't. Let them think what they want to think. It sounds like you've tried to explain your reasoning and that's the best you can do.

Like I said, sorry not much help.

splendra

I know I need not go around them I really do. I will be okay it is just still such a painful truth. It still hits me at holidays no matter what.

I still talk to my mom almost everyday but I have not been to her house for quite a while.

CarolD

Ah yes... addicted family members.

I stay out of contact. But it took me 10 years to do this.

I also suggest making a special day for the 2 of you.


Hugs....

FormerDoormat

I hope you and your hubby have a really special time together.

(((((Splendra)))))

equus

I limit the time with my family to what I can cope with. I still usually worry beforehand though - then it's all over and I realise my life is really miles away from their's now, my life is my own and I love that. The atmosphere in our home is different, the depth of my friendships are different, my marriage is different, a visit to them reminds me that my life is my own and that childhood did NOT determine my heart or mind, it reminds me I write my own script.

My compromise is just that - a compromise, but I don't wish to change that yet. We did keep christmas just us though!!

sunshinebluesky

very smart responses there, i agree. it is so hard to detach from family,actually its hard for me to detach from anybody!!! we always hold hope that some miracle will happen to open their eyes. but i guess, they are them and we are us and at least we have the ability to give us the peace and serenity we need,by letting go-- as hard and disappointing as that might be. be there when you only want to be for as long as you want to be,and know that you are the one that really has it all together. have a great rest of the weekend,no matter where you choose to be!!!

Beautiful

Live your day as if it were your last. I'm watching TV recovering from a car accident. Hmmmmmmmm.......at least I'm not cleaning house! LOL.

splendra

Thanx for all of your replies. Hubby and I will have a nice day tommorrow we plan to sleep late and join our friends downtown for a music/jam cookout it will be fun I am sure...

JessicaNAJ

Splendra....I think your concerns have already been answered.

I really have nothing to add to the replies above, but I wanted you to know I will pray your holidays will be filled with happiness.

Enjoy your day tomorrow

cwohio

splendra - enjoy your day with just the 2 of you!

Cap3

My family.Lord have mercy!!!!!
God grant me the serenity to accept the things that i cannot change,courage to change the things that i can{me},and the wisdom to know the difference.This prayer helps me through those really tuff moments,with family/people.Personally i don't like it when i feel the need to remove myself from another.So i look into myself,here.Steps1,2,3,also help me,when applying them in my life,with being with folks.Step 4 reminds me that i too can be one hell of a pain in da ass,and that family/folks are tolerating me too....smile...
Its hard .But by applying the steps into my life,im closer to some of the family/folks who i really didnt think that it would ever happen.Applying the 12 steps,one at a time,and handing things over to God.This trully has been working in my life.
Have a great day.
Thanks for letting me share,
God Bless,and take care!!!!!!!!!!!!!

elizabeth1979

Oh Splendra. I had a similar weekend. Isnt family fun? Hope you had some time to enjoy the music and bbq with the hubby!

emily33

I hope that you had a wonderful Holiday weekend with Hubby.

Sometimes I am very glad that I live two hours away from my family, it gives me lots of outs.

Girlfriend

OH, Beautiful! I'm sorry to hear that. I hope you recover soon.



Hi Splendra,

It's tough when it comes to family, huh? That's my weakest link. I LOVE my family so much, but they used to bring me alot of pain and alot of happiness.

There were quite a few years that I didn't go to my parent's house. They were really critical of me and my two siblings and it was hard for all 3 of us to go and hear that all the time.

BUT, the good news is, albeit it came at the last part of his life, my Dad let down his "tough exterior" and just became my Dad when he got cancer and for 18 months, he and I held hands and talked for hours and told each other "I love you" (never heard those words while growing up from him). I thank God for that time between us because I got to know my REAL Dad. He wasn't perfect and made his mistakes, but we all do.

And, likewise with my mom before she died, I got to be really close again (like I was when growing up) with her. All the past hurts were dropped and forgiven.

Keep having faith and it'll come "full circle" for your family, too. In the meantime, do what you have to do for you, what's best for you EVEN if others don't understand. That's ok. Tell your family that you love them and do what your heart tells ya.

((hugs))

splendra

We had a great Labor Day, my son came over and went to the cookout with us and he played some music along with us. He(my son) has a natural talent for music but, does not use it much....Oh well he wants to be a lawyer when he grows up.

Today I went to a wholesale grocery store and my mom just happened to be there with one of her friends. she was saying that she could not buy much cause she did not have much money I watched what she was getting I put two more of each thing in my cart. She got in line to pay and I came up beside her and asked that it be rang up together and paid for all of it and gave her the extra items as well. She said that she really appericated it and I was glad to do it for her.

I have decided that when I give I must be giving from a place of joy and not because I am being guilted or cohorst in any way.

I hope a day will come when I can go to her house and feel like it is safe for me to be there.

My sister has declared that she will not be able to get it together until my mom dies so I guess my mom intends to out live her HA!! No I think it must make my mom feel sad that my sister has decided that she can't live a decent life until mom dies and one of my brothers who has been to prison many times and if he gets busted again will get an automatic life sentence says he is planning his retirement around getting busted and spending the rest of his life in prison. My other brother just got out of prison and says he is trying to get straight well I hope so. But he is the brother that cold cocked my H and so even if he is trying my H does not want him around here. He did steal a bunch of his tools while we were in Florida this year and so he is still mad about that as well..

Anyway thanks ya'll for the support and for letting me vent.

And ((((Beautiful))) I hope you get well soon.