Pregnant with Alcoholic boyfriend
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Managua, Nicaragua
Posts: 135
Hi,
There is a great Sticky at the top ( TO Startingover...) that addresses the decision you are facing.
I was in a similar situation and I tried to stay with my ABF. We were not able to make it work, in fact, the day I gave birth to our daughter, he went out and got drunk and left us alone in the hospital.
Now, my daughter and I live alone, it is hard, at times, but it is peaceful and fun and loving, too.
Thinking of you and your baby.
There is a great Sticky at the top ( TO Startingover...) that addresses the decision you are facing.
I was in a similar situation and I tried to stay with my ABF. We were not able to make it work, in fact, the day I gave birth to our daughter, he went out and got drunk and left us alone in the hospital.
Now, my daughter and I live alone, it is hard, at times, but it is peaceful and fun and loving, too.
Thinking of you and your baby.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: Arlington, VA
Posts: 4,290
I would much rather have been in a single parent family with a sober parent than in the alcoholic family I was raised in.
From the little you have written your boyfriend is an active alcoholic with no apparent intention of trying to reach sobriety. Make your decisions, whatever they may be, on the basis of what he is won't change and that you will raise your child with active alcoholism. Is that what you want?
Keep reading, educate yourself on alcoholism and make your decisions on the basis of knowledge not emotion.
From the little you have written your boyfriend is an active alcoholic with no apparent intention of trying to reach sobriety. Make your decisions, whatever they may be, on the basis of what he is won't change and that you will raise your child with active alcoholism. Is that what you want?
Keep reading, educate yourself on alcoholism and make your decisions on the basis of knowledge not emotion.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 478
Welcome to SR. When I found this site I was pretty much in your same position. Like others have said your position is unique to you and no of us can deside what will be best for you and your new little one.
In my situation I choose or rather made a non-decision to stay. I'm still battling that question everyday. My little boy is almost 3 months old now and not much has changed. He's home a little bit more than he used to be, but is still drinking, still not helping around the house, still has no interest in the baby, still not really helping me with our 3 year old and mostly nothing has changed because nothing has changed.. What I can say is the hardest part about raising your kids in the same home with and A is that they learn at a very young age that mommy and daddy don't get along and they use it for EVERYTHING it's worth. They know how to "work the system" to their advantage and in my case it's going to be one H#LL of a battle to break the bad habbits that have been formed. Our lack of agreement, communication about structure, consistancy and disiplinary actions has turnerd our NON- parenting style into a harmeful one.. in my opinion. Of course this may not be the way in all A homes but I think this trouble between my SO and I is what is really making a difficult child.
Ever watch Nany 911.. ever notice that 9 times of 10 it's the parents lack of being on the same page that causes the children to go bonkers? I'm living that and I wish for the train to hault. And I would streatch to say if you have communication problems now.. the same could happen to you.
At this point I can't say I regret my descision to stay, however we've had a big talk new years eve after I went out and left him home.. I for once was able to stay calm and explain all the things that were sending me running for the hills. He has of course said he would change and try better. This time he knows that we've got 5 months to fix it (both of us have work to do) or I'm out with the kids when the lease is up. I can't say what will happen in the future, but I sure hope he chooses his family and a more mature lifestyle, one that includes good communication.
There was another girl on her at the same time who was due about a month and a half after me. She choose to leave and move to live with her family several states away. I haven't heard how that completely turned out for her but last I talked to her she seems happy with the desicion she had made.
Good luck with the new baby.. and keep reading and posting.. it does help.
In my situation I choose or rather made a non-decision to stay. I'm still battling that question everyday. My little boy is almost 3 months old now and not much has changed. He's home a little bit more than he used to be, but is still drinking, still not helping around the house, still has no interest in the baby, still not really helping me with our 3 year old and mostly nothing has changed because nothing has changed.. What I can say is the hardest part about raising your kids in the same home with and A is that they learn at a very young age that mommy and daddy don't get along and they use it for EVERYTHING it's worth. They know how to "work the system" to their advantage and in my case it's going to be one H#LL of a battle to break the bad habbits that have been formed. Our lack of agreement, communication about structure, consistancy and disiplinary actions has turnerd our NON- parenting style into a harmeful one.. in my opinion. Of course this may not be the way in all A homes but I think this trouble between my SO and I is what is really making a difficult child.
Ever watch Nany 911.. ever notice that 9 times of 10 it's the parents lack of being on the same page that causes the children to go bonkers? I'm living that and I wish for the train to hault. And I would streatch to say if you have communication problems now.. the same could happen to you.
At this point I can't say I regret my descision to stay, however we've had a big talk new years eve after I went out and left him home.. I for once was able to stay calm and explain all the things that were sending me running for the hills. He has of course said he would change and try better. This time he knows that we've got 5 months to fix it (both of us have work to do) or I'm out with the kids when the lease is up. I can't say what will happen in the future, but I sure hope he chooses his family and a more mature lifestyle, one that includes good communication.
There was another girl on her at the same time who was due about a month and a half after me. She choose to leave and move to live with her family several states away. I haven't heard how that completely turned out for her but last I talked to her she seems happy with the desicion she had made.
Good luck with the new baby.. and keep reading and posting.. it does help.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 1,017
Wow so many S babies to look forward to.
My position is a little different,(for the newbies who don't know me) my bro is my A, his wife died from cancer 18 months ago, they had a son, he saw his mum being hit, his dad passed out on the kitchen floor, his dad leaving his mum when she'd just been diagnosed, his dad breaking promises to visit him, his dad vomiting blood, him being left home alone, hit and mentally abused and loads more.
My nephew chose to leave his Dad 9 months after his mum died, during those 9 months he'd learned how to cook, steal, lie, cover up for his dad, keep secrets, bend the truth, get time off school if he thought dad 'needed' him at home, tell social workers what they wanted to hear, manipulate his gran and grandad. Then one day he had enough, he came here to play and hasnt been back for more than an hour since. He's 11.
It's not the same situation as yours, but it might give you some idea what a child of an alcoholic that I know has been through.
He's been with me since April and although he still has issues he's a much happier more relaxed child now.
My position is a little different,(for the newbies who don't know me) my bro is my A, his wife died from cancer 18 months ago, they had a son, he saw his mum being hit, his dad passed out on the kitchen floor, his dad leaving his mum when she'd just been diagnosed, his dad breaking promises to visit him, his dad vomiting blood, him being left home alone, hit and mentally abused and loads more.
My nephew chose to leave his Dad 9 months after his mum died, during those 9 months he'd learned how to cook, steal, lie, cover up for his dad, keep secrets, bend the truth, get time off school if he thought dad 'needed' him at home, tell social workers what they wanted to hear, manipulate his gran and grandad. Then one day he had enough, he came here to play and hasnt been back for more than an hour since. He's 11.
It's not the same situation as yours, but it might give you some idea what a child of an alcoholic that I know has been through.
He's been with me since April and although he still has issues he's a much happier more relaxed child now.
Member
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Western WA
Posts: 132
Great discussions on here.......and I got so caught up in it that I couldn't figure out why bapril wasn't responding. Until I realized her original post was from Sept of 2005!!! I'm hoping nobody feels as silly as I do now that I saw that.......
Happy New Year to all!
Happy New Year to all!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Location: Manchester UK
Posts: 1,017
Originally Posted by In a Tailspin 
Great discussions on here.......and I got so caught up in it that I couldn't figure out why bapril wasn't responding. Until I realized her original post was from Sept of 2005!!! I'm hoping nobody feels as silly as I do now that I saw that.......
Happy New Year to all!
Happy New Year to all!
The babies will all be toddlers now, wonder how they and their parents are doing. All well I hope.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 1
I know exactly what you are going thru. I am currently 12 weeks pregnant and married 2 years to an A. Its been tough i have tried getting him help in various time just to get empty promises from him. This last time i found out he has been lying to me and going behind my back drinking in the house already knowing i wac pregnant . Racked up a cc bill of 3000 between booze and whi knows what else. I finally realized i couldnt trust him anymore and kicked him out. He reached out to me saying he did need help and would enter rehab not to lose me or the baby. He only lasted a week and called to tell me he wanted to come back home. I was torn because i knew i was his only family down here since his mom and sisters are feom out of state, but i also knew we had been living in a vicious circle where i knew i would come back empty handed yet again. I told him i was not forcing him to be rehab, that decision had to be made on his own, but that he would not be allowed back in our lifes until he finally showed me he had truly changed on his own. Although this decision hurts i know it was the best decision i could take for my unborn child and me. The rehab center finally called me today and said he left and i have no idea where he plans to go 😥
All i can tell you is to sit long and hard on how much more you can take and what is the best scenario for your baby.
All i can tell you is to sit long and hard on how much more you can take and what is the best scenario for your baby.
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