he's just not that into you
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: north carolina
Posts: 365
he's just not that into you
ok--got the title but im not sure where to start......and this may have had a thread posted,but even so,id like to start it up again.
oprah today,was a rerun with the guy who wrote this book,which i havent read yet. but i found the show very enlightening and validating of many of my thoughts. my main reason for not buying the book was because i always seem to know when a guy is not really into me,(or i not into him) but this last time i believe i hung in there way longer hoping he would be, with it turning into,(in reality) me not being into him either. for if we were, we would still be together.
and i am thinking, despite his alcoholism.
for a long time,i blamed certain things that were lacking on the alcoholism. i guess i will never know for sure exactly how much effect the alcohol had on any given aspect of him.
just a reminder here, that my ex was not mean,nasty,violent,cruel,irresponsible etc. but after awhile,i truly felt by his actions (well,non-actions,mainly) that he really wasnt into me. and i think,once i truly felt that, though hanging on.....i wasnt so into him anymore either.
there were many valid points brought up on there today. our needs for closure, and all the whys that we torture ourselves with.(rather than realizing it just wasnt working so we moved on.) how as long as we are stuck in that, we can never be really open to a better relationship.
all our BUT--he/she's a GOOD guy/girl......and what are we calling GOOD?
about letting go, as in NOT TAKING CALLS. about not breaking up more than ONCE. about holding on to hope.......IF THEY ARE WITH SOMEONE ELSE, THEY ARE JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. about how good relationships feel GOOD.and, how it is about, what do YOU WANT???
and so much more, that i cant remember right now....im so glad i taped it!!!
i think i am gonna go get the book, because i am curious as to how much more there is in it that i can use. i have actually gotten to a point where im realizing how much i have learned from this latest relationship experience that is gonna help me so much in the future.
oprah today,was a rerun with the guy who wrote this book,which i havent read yet. but i found the show very enlightening and validating of many of my thoughts. my main reason for not buying the book was because i always seem to know when a guy is not really into me,(or i not into him) but this last time i believe i hung in there way longer hoping he would be, with it turning into,(in reality) me not being into him either. for if we were, we would still be together.
and i am thinking, despite his alcoholism.
for a long time,i blamed certain things that were lacking on the alcoholism. i guess i will never know for sure exactly how much effect the alcohol had on any given aspect of him.
just a reminder here, that my ex was not mean,nasty,violent,cruel,irresponsible etc. but after awhile,i truly felt by his actions (well,non-actions,mainly) that he really wasnt into me. and i think,once i truly felt that, though hanging on.....i wasnt so into him anymore either.
there were many valid points brought up on there today. our needs for closure, and all the whys that we torture ourselves with.(rather than realizing it just wasnt working so we moved on.) how as long as we are stuck in that, we can never be really open to a better relationship.
all our BUT--he/she's a GOOD guy/girl......and what are we calling GOOD?
about letting go, as in NOT TAKING CALLS. about not breaking up more than ONCE. about holding on to hope.......IF THEY ARE WITH SOMEONE ELSE, THEY ARE JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU. about how good relationships feel GOOD.and, how it is about, what do YOU WANT???
and so much more, that i cant remember right now....im so glad i taped it!!!
i think i am gonna go get the book, because i am curious as to how much more there is in it that i can use. i have actually gotten to a point where im realizing how much i have learned from this latest relationship experience that is gonna help me so much in the future.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: nowheresville
Posts: 872
Sometimes even if we confront the person as I did with my ex and he would never give me a clear answer,(the non-clear answer was the first clue) it was because even though he wasn't that in to me he was still getting something from me so what he was into was using me. It really had nothing to do if he like dme or not, he was getting whatever from me.
If you confront the person to give them the easy out you are in actual fact disempowering yourself and giving them the power in the relationship.
It's more important that we focus on us and decide what we want and need,watch the others actions instead of listening to the words and make our decision accordingly.
Ngaire
If you confront the person to give them the easy out you are in actual fact disempowering yourself and giving them the power in the relationship.
It's more important that we focus on us and decide what we want and need,watch the others actions instead of listening to the words and make our decision accordingly.
Ngaire
How Important Is It?
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Cyberia
Posts: 612
I bought the book - I wish I had read it 20 years ago. It would have saved me so much pain in romantic relationships. It is a very empowering book for women in love.
Robina
There is a chapter excerpt here - you can read for free. I highly recommend it.
http://www.usatoday.com/life/books/e...hes-just_x.htm
Robina
There is a chapter excerpt here - you can read for free. I highly recommend it.
http://www.usatoday.com/life/books/e...hes-just_x.htm
2dayisanewday
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 43
My Aunt read the series of books The Sweet Potatoe Queen's.... Anyway, the books are about these southern woman who are pretty empowered and are in their middle age. She says it is amazing how they think about life. She told me to read these books, I haven't yet. She said it has been probably the biggest influence on her life in literature. I guess they are funny & second of all she was REMINDED of what life should be like.
Her advice, take things lightly and the best phrase of all, the author's own motto is "BE PARTICULAR, BE VERY PARTICULAR". It really is the key to making the right decision everywhere in your life. The other thing that she learned was...if he doesn't call, then assume that he has...died. Because there is no reason on the face of this planet that you are not worthy of a second date or a returned phone call, especially after he said that he would phone you. All the hours that we women spend thinking about why he did or didn't do something, what we did right or wrong. Endless hours of analyzing. Watch Sex & the City to know about how much it consumes ALL women. Enough to base a TV show on for goodness sakes. Well, if you just assume that he has died, just think how soon you can get onto dating someone new & all the hours that you have saved with your girlfriends talking about him. Hold a mock funeral for the poor Son of a Boo Boo and call it a day. End of story. You deserve a guy who is "your ideal & your dream guy". I have not given up hope & will not settle. I do deserve the life I have envisioned for myself as you do too.
Her advice, take things lightly and the best phrase of all, the author's own motto is "BE PARTICULAR, BE VERY PARTICULAR". It really is the key to making the right decision everywhere in your life. The other thing that she learned was...if he doesn't call, then assume that he has...died. Because there is no reason on the face of this planet that you are not worthy of a second date or a returned phone call, especially after he said that he would phone you. All the hours that we women spend thinking about why he did or didn't do something, what we did right or wrong. Endless hours of analyzing. Watch Sex & the City to know about how much it consumes ALL women. Enough to base a TV show on for goodness sakes. Well, if you just assume that he has died, just think how soon you can get onto dating someone new & all the hours that you have saved with your girlfriends talking about him. Hold a mock funeral for the poor Son of a Boo Boo and call it a day. End of story. You deserve a guy who is "your ideal & your dream guy". I have not given up hope & will not settle. I do deserve the life I have envisioned for myself as you do too.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
The Sweet Potato Queens are Goddesses who remind us of the Goddess within. I highly recommend their books for wisdom, lots of laughs and the best damn recipes on the planet. Y'all go get those books and read them as soon as you can. You won't be sorry. 
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: nowheresville
Posts: 872
Anyway that just caught my eye when I was reading the excerpt.
I saw the Oprah episode yesterday and Oprah did say something true, that no matter how successful women are today and how far we've come we still remain very unempowered in that aspect of our lives.
Ngaire
I saw the Oprah episode yesterday and Oprah did say something true, that no matter how successful women are today and how far we've come we still remain very unempowered in that aspect of our lives.
Ngaire
2dayisanewday
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 43
He is just not that into you.
I think that is because of the undeniable difference between men & women, we just think different.
Getting the word out & providing information to strengthen our minds, enables us to make better choices for ourselves & life healthier lives. We are on the right road!!!
Hope you are having a good day!
Getting the word out & providing information to strengthen our minds, enables us to make better choices for ourselves & life healthier lives. We are on the right road!!!
Hope you are having a good day!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 3,054
Originally Posted by ngaire
So I just read that excerpt and I have to say I found it a bit insulting in a way.
I wonder why he has to give these women who are writing to him all these insulting nicknames?
Ngaire
I wonder why he has to give these women who are writing to him all these insulting nicknames?
Ngaire
That said though I've lost count of ways I would drop men gently, or 'put them off' actually asking me out because I just wasn't into them. I would get bored and frustrated at the first date and if it looked like they wanted more than friendship, I'd get inventive over how to stop them actually asking.
I really enjoy male friends but the thought of having to live with one, or wake up to them is enough to make me want to join a convent!!
*Except of course for one fella - it couldn't be more different, but then he changed jobs, moved house, and married me so I wasn't in much doubt on that score, feelings were mutual!!
I think it has some truth in it but it seems dumbed down and smug.
Sunshine I enjoyed reading your OP more than the chapter, your OP was interesting, raised a good point and made me look further!!
Dreamlike...Now
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Texas
Posts: 707
The Sweet Potato Queens are Goddesses who remind us of the Goddess within. I highly recommend their books for wisdom, lots of laughs and the best damn recipes on the planet. Y'all go get those books and read them as soon as you can. You won't be sorry. Gabe
Gabe
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Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
About "He's Just Not That Into You"...
I haven't read the book.
A good friend of mine has.
And I've heard the author interviewed on the radio.
The basic premise seems to be that women have a hard time accepting that men we are "into" aren't "into" us.
So we jump through impossible emotional hoops in the hope of forcing the issue.
The question for me is, why do we keep pursuing these men who "just aren't into us"?
I think once we accept that what we have to offer is wonderful, and we tap into the Goddess within, things change remarkably in the relationship department.
I haven't read the book.
A good friend of mine has.
And I've heard the author interviewed on the radio.
The basic premise seems to be that women have a hard time accepting that men we are "into" aren't "into" us.
So we jump through impossible emotional hoops in the hope of forcing the issue.
The question for me is, why do we keep pursuing these men who "just aren't into us"?
I think once we accept that what we have to offer is wonderful, and we tap into the Goddess within, things change remarkably in the relationship department.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
2day, I think whenever we are the one "chasing" we need to put on the brakes and ask ourselves why.
For me, chasing = desperate.
And desperate does not become us.
Oh no...it does not.
A Goddess does not pursue.
She gracefully entices.
And should that enticement be met with a ho-hum attitude, she most certainly moves on to the next good thing.
For me, chasing = desperate.
And desperate does not become us.
Oh no...it does not.
A Goddess does not pursue.
She gracefully entices.
And should that enticement be met with a ho-hum attitude, she most certainly moves on to the next good thing.
2dayisanewday
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Michigan
Posts: 43
There was a guy that I dated and to make a long story short, he told me what I wanted to hear for the first few months, then he changed and I was the one who became the pursuer, chasing after what he was before....when I let go & gave up, so he did not try either and it made me realize that the person I had met was just putting on a show.
For now on, I will always keep in mind when someone is not doing the things that they did before or if they are not calling me, returning phone calls or whatever, that I am just done. I deserve to be treated good and the way I treat my sig. other.
For now on, I will always keep in mind when someone is not doing the things that they did before or if they are not calling me, returning phone calls or whatever, that I am just done. I deserve to be treated good and the way I treat my sig. other.
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