luvmyfurbabies

I need to vent. My AH is so frustrating to talk to. After we decide what to have for dinner he makes a comment about us...well you know....tonight.This is how the rest of the conversation went. Me..I told you I'm waiting for you to come home not drinking... AH slides his slippers over to me and says "Here". Me....what are they for? AH....put yourself in my shoes, you don't know how hard I worked today. ME....don't blame your drinking on work, lots of people work hard and don't drink at night. I can't understand why you let alcohol run your life. End of conversation because now he won't talk to me all night. He won't even admit he has a problem even though he drinks 10-12 beers a day every day. I can't remember a day when he didn't drink in the last year. The only time he doesn't drink is when he is sick and that's not much. I know I don't have it as bad as some because he never yells, doesn't go to bars, cooks dinner a lot, and never complains about me going shopping. On the other hand, I get so fed up with his red eyes, swaying, and smelling like beer I can't stand it. I really need a good counselor but I don't think my insurance will pay for it. Thanks for listening.

yoursister

Dear luvmyfurbabies,

I am new to these boards so don't have a lot of experience. I don't have an alcoholic husband, only a substance abusing brother. It sounds like you need to be able to get away from your husband when he is drinking, so that he understands that you want to have a relationship with him, not with his smelly breath and tanked personality. It doesn't sound like you are getting a fair chance to have a relationship here. Have you been married a long time? Was there a time when he didn't drink as much and you liked him better?

I'm sure you know you're not alone in feeling depressed and frustrated about someone love affair with a substance that seems to take precedence over their love/affection for you.

FriendofBill

And you engaged in a debate with an alcoholic about his drinking while he was drunk because.................?

I found that by my complaining, pushing, accusing etc the alcoholic about his disease, well, he just wasnt too receptive. Know what I mean?

He is in denial, why do you expect him to act any different than he has been. Seems you are just not in acceptance that this man is a drunk who drinks and has no skills to communicate or become emotionally available.

Ever try al-anon? It helps. good luck

luvmyfurbabies

See, that's the thing about my AH. He never gets what you could call drunk. He gets to the red eye swaying thing and that's it. Then we eat dinner. I've only seen him "drunk" one time in 10 years. His mood doesn't change, he doesn't get angry or yell or throw things. He just absolutely won't discuss his drinking. I know I need to work on me but it's very hard when our relationship includes both of us. I have to say what I feel about his drinking then I shut up. We don't argue about it, I don't nag him about it, and he just doesn't talk about it. Our conversation last night wasn't done in loud angry voices. It was done as though I was talking to someone about the weather. I know he has issues from his childhood that he won't discuss and I knew he drank when I met him. The truth is, my attitude has changed about his drinking. It seems to bother me more these days. Maybe it's just me getting fed up living with an alcoholic.

Cap3

Ahh yes and this is where confusion ,tries to rear its head,.You say,i know i need to work on me,but its very hard when our relationship includes both of us.Recovery is about me,no matter who i am with.it doesnt invole another to change,but for me to change,because im the one having the problems here.im the one who is hurting.Others do not have to change,whether they be hub,boyfriend or who they are.Relationships,does not demand/wanting others to change.They are who they are.And they have every right to be who they are,as i do also.Ive seen it time and time again.When one is having issues,saying our relationship is in bad shape.But its not.Its the one person having the issue,not both.Acceptance,was my answer.My sponsor asked me to focus on my own recovery.I thought this was off da wall.But i did this,and later i changed,with no more demands that my hub change.Longggggggggggggg,process,believe me,lol.Finding the good in another,and holding onto this.Longggggggggggg,process too.recovery takes time.I learned the hard way,that folks change when they want to,not when i want them to.And they will change those things inside of them,that they feel needs to change,just like me.
Hope this helps,.Al-anon is for all people.Whether married or single.This is the how it works for me.
God Bless,take care!!!!!!!!!

meli2005

It is good to vent and get it out. YOu are not seeing 100% of your husband and that is hard to live with. As long as he is drinking so much there is no way he can be at 100% capacity. Not a healthy relationship. Can totally relate.


A lot of insurances do cover therapy sessions, give them a call and see what they offer. Look for an addictions counselor, they woudl be best suited to help you.