Debbie

Geez,

Do I ever post positive anymore? Good things? I get home, the A is drunk as a skunk bitching that the phone has been out all day, I have a problem, yes I was drinking, quack, quack, quack......

The phone is certainly on the fritz. The cordless phones say extension in use. I went around and unplugged them all and still nothing, so I would assume its an outside thing and I have to wait until tomorrow to get it fixed. I don't use the phone often but I like having it available. I hate the cell phone.

Then because he was drinking, the house smells like a bar and its making me sick. He totally disgusts me when he is like that. He knows it too, I told him this weekend that. Then he bitches and mumbles and when I just stay away from him, he still has more to say. I am not yelling or screaming or nagging. I just want to be left alone by him when he is like this. Too much to ask?

I think its getting worse. He thinks its okay if he drinks when he home because he's not getting in any trouble. Total denial? I have a headache. I couldn't wait to get home from work and now I wish I was back there. A no win situation.

Oh well, guess thats enough complaining for now. I feel better......lol

Talk to you all later.

Hugs.
Love,
Debbie

Ann

Barbiedeb

It's tough when your space is all taken up by this. You need a retreat in your home...a room where you can just be by yourself and get away from his chaos. How about setting up the bathroom like JT does, with a sanctuary and candles and good stuff for you.

You deserve some peace and quiet and space to call your own.

All I can send are hugs and love and let you know that we care.

Debbie

Hi Ann

Thanks for the hugs. I needed them.

I have this room where the computer is and I take refuge in it but he comes to the door sometimes and I can't escape his quacking...

I feel a little better now because he is passed out on the sofa and I hope he stays there. I just wish my phone was working, I feel at a loss without it.

I really never cared for the face to face meetings but I think I may have to start again for some me time. A couple hours of peace a few nights a week would do me good.

I need to get back on track. I said that after my neice left. Time to get back to all about me

I send you hugs back!!

Love,
Debbie

Morning Glory

Hi Deb,

I know that feeling of disgust. I hate drunk. I kept telling my son that I hate his alcohol. I was hoping that would be better than saying I hated him when he was drunk. The strange thing is that he couldn't separate himself from the drunk himself. He didn't see a difference. I kept telling him that I separate it.

He just didn't understand.

Hugs to you,

MG

Debbie

Hey MG

He just doesn't get it. They don't get it. Its so true. I hate the alcohol and what it makes him like. I love him to death when he is sober. He is the sweetest guy in the world. This disease totally sucks.

Hugs back at you MG.

Love,
Debbie

bonbon

Debbie I know the feeling of wanting to go back to work. I know how frustrating it is to want to come home and relax, it used to make me sick when it was close to getting off of work. I never knew what to expect when I got home. It was bad.

Hang in there....your such a strong person. You deserve so much....(((((((((((((((debbie)))))))))))))))

Just wanted to let you know your not alone.


Love ya!

JT

(((DEBBIE)))

That is when I would leave. Movie, a meeting, the library, a girlfriend. I felt like I was homeless, but all my books were in my car and all my stuff and if I needed to go I would go. That is when I took a nite job. Not that you can but that is what I did at the time.

Fill your own time and start making that plan we all talk about. May be it is fantasy and maybe not but you can at least think it all through. Pernell was talking about a misson statement...start with the end in mind. So you could start your plan with the end in mind too. Work back from there!

I hate to see you sad.

Hugs,
MG

Debbie

******{Bonbon}}}} ********{JT}}}}}

Thanks for the support. Some times it just seems like a loosing battle. I feel this weariness and then he does something to bring a little hope to the bleak situation.

He didn't pass out and stay passed out as I was hoping. He woke up and asked for the cell phone to make a call. He called a place called the 12 Keys Club and asked when their next meeting was. He then asked me if I would take him to it. Of cource being the good co-dependent that I am, he didn't need to ask me twice. I took him. On the way there, he said he knows he has a problem and started to describe how the alcohol literally makes him sick but he keeps on drinking it until it will stay down so he can get high. He has described things to me before but tonight he was being a bit more honest, I think I don't know.

I guess I hope that this will be the one step he is taking to get on track, it certainly can't hurt. But I am still weary, still sad. I know I still need to think of me in all this but I've taken care of him for so long, do I really know how to take care of me? And even when I take steps forward, I seem to take more steps backward.

Oh well, his meeting is at midnight and he went early and I suppose he will be calling for a ride home unless he finds some one there to bring him back. I had better try to get a little rest in case I need to go back and get him.

Thanks again for all the support guys. It truly helps.

I love you all.

Hugs,
Debbie

osier59

(((((barbiedeb)))))

It is very difficult to be where you are. I hope you can find a refuge somewhere - I really like the whole "bathroom as a haven" concept. Candles, bubbles, soothing music. Add a phone in case you want to call a friend and a BIG lock on the door so you can have peace and quiet!

Would Febreeze work on the smell in the house? It worked on some icky stuff I had spilled? Just a thought

HUGS all around. Remember, IT might not get better, but you are getting better IN it!!

Osier59

Josie

Deb,
Just wanted to send you a big (((HUG)))
It always helps to post and vent and
we miss you!!!!
My prayers are with you, hope you do
something nice for yourself-you deserve it!

Hugs,

matters

I totally understand the smell thing Deb. After my husband has been passed out on the coach and dribbled food all over the place he then goes up to bed and I work nights so go to bed really late. As soon as I open the bedroom door I get a huge whiff of alcohol and whatever he had for dinner. What a LOVELY combination that is. He is a total pig when he is drinking! But in the morning he is full of energy and so very quick to point out if things are messy. His latest and greatest is yelling at everyone about leaving the lights on." Haven't you heard on T.V. that you need to conserve electricity"? I was putting a load of wash in and left the kichen light on and the dinning room light on. First I was reading a bill in the dinning room, then went to the kitchen and did the dishes and then proceeded to the garage to start the load of laundry. Now how dare I space out and forget to turn out all the lights! Of course next week it could be another thing that rubs him the wrong way. It's that What If thing again. I think what if I clean up the entire house so it is so perfect that he can not complain. I know that he will find something else to complain about if I do. I still would like to have a cleaner and neater house for myself. He is the type that will get mad about the bedroom having too much stuff all over the place, but will leave a lawnmower in the living room for a week. What is the logic in that??


Sorry for going on and on. I do not post very often. Just know that your not alone about needing to vent and let off steam. I have enjoyed reading the board and can relate alot of the time. You are all so nice and helpfull here.


Take care and good luck!!!
matters

Debbie

******{Osier}}}}

Thanks for the febreeze suggestion. I think I may try it. The smell, I guess I am more in tune to it and I hate it. I like the bathroom thing but the bathroom is just too small to make it a haven I think I am just going to make this computer room my place for now.

******{Josie}}}}

Thanks for the prayers and the hugs. I miss being here and I have been trying to get here more, work has been hectic and I guess my life in general has been hectic lately

******{Matters}}}}

Yes, I know the pig thing too. It's amazing just how disgusting they can get when the alcohol is involved. I also think about when my A is complaining to me about when things are in disarray, I don't think he realizes that he contributes more than I to that. Oh well, hopefully some time things will change.


Good Morning to everyone!!

Just a little update. He went to his meeting and found his own ride home, said he didn't want to disturb me. Its amazing I am not jumping up and down with joy. I guess we have been this route too many times for me to get, how did JT put it in another post...."all warm and fuzzy". Just going to take it one moment at a time because usually when I get a little comfortable all hell breaks loose.

Thanks again everyone for your hugs, your comfort and your prayers. They are appreciated more than you will ever know.

I hope you all have a great day!!

Many hugs.
Love,
Debbie

piggle

well, there isn't much worse than coming home to an already drunk, but still awake man. It's just so darn depressing to see, especially when you KNOW they are trying to stop and know that once again they gave in.

A little funny....not really funny but I think you all will see the humor. When I would come home to my A already drunk, I would sit him down and talk with him....and pour him a couple of drinks....TALL ones. I knew it was wrong but I also knew the only chance for me to get some peace was for him to pass out. He thought we were just hanging out and not judging. He never realized I was pushing him to get to the passed out part as soon as possible because the I would have an evening. He was always so happy that I was talking with him and pouring up the toddy.

I know it was totally the WRONG thing to do, but being a complete and total introvert, I just can't go out and be around people very often. I guess that's why I like it here so much

Hang in there girl.....take care of you!

Clowie

((((((((((Piggle)))))))))))))))))

That is funny... Hugs to you... Clowie

osier59

Piggle,

That WAS funny, and you're right. It's only this particular group of people who can appreciate the humor in that!

Hope you are well. HUGS to you
Osier59