cobralingu

I ave found this forum extremely helpful just reading posts, therefore I decided to post myself.

I am pregnant, with a partner whom I believe has a drink problem.

E.g. Lost his job due to calling in sick, finishing early to go to the pb
reguarly wets the bed, seatee, where ever he falls
has no respect for others
can't seem to go without a drink for more than a day
ruins relationships with family and myself through false promises, lies, and unacceptable behaviour

The list goes on.................

He does not think he has a drink problem!

I have recently seperated myself from him, as I can't put up with his abusive ways any longer, but I miss him and don't want to be carrying a child on my own. He says he is going to give up drinking during the week (been saying this for last 7mnths) and he loves me and is going to prove to me he is going to change. I am struggling to keep up distancing him from myself, but I don't want to give in to his persuasive ways because I know deep down he has never followed anything through previously and I will only end up getting hurt again.

I would love to give him another chance and think that things will all turn out fine, I just can't seem to bring myself to do that anymore.

How do you encourage someone to help themselves without hurting them because you can't believe a word they say any more. I was so angry before, but now I am not I'm finding it even harder. Wish I knew if I was doing the right thing!

susane1408

Welcome Cobralingu,
A fellow UKer!
This is a great place as you've found out!
Now you've registered and posted you'll find lot's of support and advice winging it's way to you personally
Stick around, some one is bound to be able to relate to you're situation.
Susane

cobralingu

Thank you to you both for your replies,

I'm going to read the thread now, nice to know ya don't have to be on yer own

Nice to see someone from UK too

historyteach

cobralingu;
"Nothing changes if nothing changes."
That's just a fact of life. He's been talking the talk without walking the walk. His denial is very strong. He is losing everything around him, family, job, child. And he doesn't think he has a problem? Denial ain't just a river in Egypt!
You have specific needs right now. Do you want the chaos of drunken behavior surrounding you during your pregnancy? Please know, denial is very strong in us codependents too!
Why don't you take a look around the boards; read the stickys on the top of the forum and wait a bit before making any decisions. I suggest the book, Codependent no More, by Melody Beattie, (get it from amazon.com if you'd like.) Learn the 3 Cs - we didn't Cause it; we can't Control it and we can't Cure it. But, we can learn to Cope with alcoholism if we choose to. Have you been to any alanon meetings? There you can get the face to face support that will be instrumental in your recovery.
And you will learn how to live YOUR life, dispite whatever the alcoholic does.
I hope to see you here often as we both grow in our recovery!
Shalom!

cwohio

welcome cobralingu - as the others said above - read all you can on the stickys, etc. you will also hear many say too that most times we need to trust our gut feelings. come back often and know that this is a wonderful place with wonderful, supportive folks that have been there and done that!

hugs- christie

cobralingu

Thanks for your replies,

I am just going to take one day at a time, think this will make my life easier. He proclaims to have been sober for two days now, and has made the decision to only drink on special occasions ( ummm not so sure about that). I suppose a start is better than nothing, if he can't succeed to do this I'm hoping it will make him understand that his problem isn't going to be quite so simple.

Wishing you all well