susane1408

I've had a rough couple of months with my Partner, done a lot of things wrong.As I found out when I first found and digested what this forum is all about.
As some of you know, he's been on a binge and has been getting steadily worse, mentaly and phisicaly. Put some of what I've learned on here into practice and began to have some success.
Then he got worse.
Comatose for much of the day, body completely wrecked by the effects of this disease,malnutrition,hyper-anxiety,depression and more.
Sorry Guys, I couldn't stand it anymore.
I *intervened*
I picked a time when he was sober (very small window of opportunity!!) and discussed with him what he was feeling about his problem. He agreed that it was going too far and also that he couldn't gain control of it on his own yet. I asked him if he needed my help to do this and he said yes.
So, at his request, I took charge of his money, creditcards, and the vodka!
For the past 4 days I've been doling out the alcohol,sedatives, vitamins etc in the way prescribed by his Dr to do a controlled withdrawal.
And, fingers crossed, its working.
He's getting back to his normal self, gaining weight, sober all day in spite of the controlled amount of alcohol he's drinking, beginning to do things around the house, and taking an interest in *Other activities*
I'm not naive enough now as to think there won't be set backs, one day at a time is all I'm concentrating on.
Helping him on his road to recovering his sobriety and his self esteem is helping my state of mind, my self esteem, my happiness.
If I didn't think he was worth it I wouldn't be doing this.
No doubt about it, I will make mistakes, and so will he, but it's how we deal with them that will determine the growth of our relationship.
So glad you lot are around, to listen, to empathise and to share your knowledge.
Thank you Guys

equus

That IS good news!!! I sense you have a good relationship with the doctor?

It just sounds like there's trust there - between you, hubby, and doctor. I'll keep my fingers jammed crossed!!!

susane1408

Yes, there is trust there. My guy trusts me completely, he'd walk through fire if I said he wouldn't burn!
And I trust him too (except with a bottle, he hasn't got an OFF switch!)
The new Dr he registered with is excellent too, he hasn't dismissed him as being just another weakwilled drunk, as some have done in the past, he seems to have a better understanding of the treatment of alcoholism.
Just been reading some of the posts from you guys, and my heart aches for many of you in the situations that you are in. Hang in there.
Take care :rose

equus

^^ Susane, it sounds like you have some really good foundation stones in your doc and the trust your hubby has. I know what you mean about the absolute trust EXCEPT with alcohol!!

D can drop some right clangers and stuff up but there's no way on earth he'd ever do anything to hurt me deliberately. It's good when it's mutual too, funnily enough there's a fair bit of trust in me from him floating round our house at the mo!!

I remember reading a post of yours last week and I could really feel what you were dealing with because of the amount being drank and your description. I felt like I just didn't have any right to be worrying about myself in comparison. But I think different things are hard for people in different ways, or maybe that was my excuse for dropping my load all over here in the past couple of days!!

I hope this is a little light in your tunnel - I still think it's a hard process to go through, for me I'm legging it back to counselling 'cos I need a little bit extra now and again, just for me.

susane1408

I think thats the way I feel too, we all have different shades of the same shoes.
Some are darker, some are lighter, and some pinch more than others when we've been wearing them too long but we are all walking in the same shoes.
Guess I'm rambling now!!
Had a hard day!
Went with my guy to keep an apointment with a specialist in alcohol detox. She thinks that it would be unwise to do a detox at home, based on his past history, so she's arranging for him to go into hospital in the next week or two.
We had a really long chat with her about this disease, and about what after care they will be providing. My partner was really impressed with the service that she outlined.
And this is on the NHS!! As I've mentioned before, he could write a book on alcoholism and it's treatment based on his personal experience, so for him to be impressed is quite something.
It's not been all roses today though.
The specialist told him to keep to the controlled level of alcohol that he's on now until he goes into detox, no more, no less.
I guess maybe it was the stress of the trip, he hasn't been out or had much exercise for some time, but they don't need much of an excuse do they!
He poured a very large vodka when we got home!!
So, after telling me he wanted me to help him control his drinking, because he knows he can't ( but wants to) and agreeing with the DR on what he should do, he now decides he CAN do it himself.
So, the dam of stress that I've been holding back bursts.
And, believe me, I was sobbing my heart out.
Because, for four lovely days I have had the man that I love back, growing stronger and happier.
Now he's on the sofa, asleep because he's had too much and I know that his health could slip back into the dangerous state that it was all too easily.
I may be wrong, he may control it better tomorrow. He's done it before.
God I hope so.

Sapphoness

It is a shame you feel the need to apologize for taking control of the situation because that is what you needed to do. No one should question how you handle things that will help you asw ell as your partner. I think you are very brave and so pleased that for those days he allowed you to help him. I hope he does go into the detox program for both of your sakes.
If you had taken the bottle away from him when he started pouring on his own, what would he have done? from what you have said I take it he isn't physically abusive while in that state. When he sobers up, hopefully you can readdress it with him and he ses the need for you to control things as discussed with the dr. until he gets into detox.

equus

Susane,

here's hoping today is a little better....

I have to keep things one day at a time but I always find that easier to remember with the good stuff. When it's a really good day it's easy to remind myself not to start thinking 'problem solved', it seems easy to tell myself 'good - this is a good day'. I find that so much harder on a bad day, I can quickly start to feel - 'Oh no - it'll all unravel now' instead of 'Oh rats - this is a bad day'.

Whether it's good stuff or bad stuff it's all the things we think it will mean that sends us on an emotional roller coaster.

It was a bad day - and I hope today is better.

I really had to pull myself back earlier this week from thinking and imagining what will happen, be educated and aware is enough, after that I'm sticking to strictly one day at a time.

susane1408

Many thanks for your replies guys!
I will get back to you with an update on things.
Waiting for a call from the consultant about my man's admission to the detox centre.
Take care

cwohio

good luck susane - here's hoping things work out for you!

susane1408

He would have heaved a sigh and said, " So I take it I can't have drink then?"
No Sapphones, he is not violent in anyway, but he can be way too persuasive for his,and my own, good.
I guess thats par for the course!!
Anyway here's an update.
The consultant rang earlier and told us that, on reviewing his past history, my partner would need an assessment by the unit Dr to determine what course of treatment would be best for him. So his appointment is in two WEEKS!
I know that is pretty good for the NHS but, I think I'll be sitting in a corner, a gibbering wreck by then!!!:andy:
My guy still hadn't got himself under control this morning, so we had another little chat ( talk about emotionally and mentally drained!) about his goals, and what the Dr said, he's now *back with the programme* so to speak.

Thanks Equus,
You're right " One day at a time" think I need to put that on banners all over the house!

On another (related) note,
I'm now living with a stranger
As you may know, alcoholism can present symptoms of itchy skin with a crawling sensation under the skin ( No! he hasn;t got flees!)
So my guy decided to cut his hair reeelly short, and shave off his, very sexy, beard!!!!!
As I've never seen him this way, it's quite a shock, to say the least!
He says, and of course he's right, that it will grow again. But I can't help feeling like I have to get to know him all over again.
Irrational Ehh !!!

Thanks for the wishes CWOHIO, they're appreciated

equus

D shaved his beard off in October - I SO know what you mean!! First I couldn't stop staring at him, then I liked it, now I miss the beard again a bit. I think it'll make a come back soon, it does kind of come and go!! Have you managed to stop staring yet?

Take the next two weeks one day at a time - keep coming here or I'll have to drive down the road and hunt you down!!

susane1408

I'm on here several times a day this place keeps me smiling!
I'm on an emotional rollercoaster at the moment and, while I am absorbing all the good advice that I am given, and tailoring it to my situation,sometimes I just need a good cry and a hug!!
I bet you could hunt me down too!
You seem like a very resourcefull lady Equus <!-- / message -->

equus

Have you got a trusted friend around who can offer the occassional hug with skin on? To begin with I didn't tell much to my friends and it sort of made things too complicated. In the end I wound up really upset and D wanted me to be able to talk to them, it wasn't so much that he'd been trying to hide it - just that he doesn't talk about it anyway. Again last week I began by thinking 'this is different - I can't talk about it' but then realised I needed to, and decided to spill the beans to one best friend. As it happened D raised it with me saying he wanted me to be free to talk about it so that neatly killed any guilt - I'd keep it to that one friend though 'cos she rocks and I trust her completely not to go weird about it!!

I love this place - I freely admit I'm here too much because it soothes hours of isolation at work and I don't like telly (at home) much anyway. It IS amazing with so many good folks but I need real life friends to start to understand as well, that understanding can be slow sometimes and not glich free but it's getting there and it's worth the world!

robina

Susane - I wish you all the best with your struggles. After reading this thread, however, I was a bit concerned when you mentioned that you were doling out alcohol, and meds to him. It sounds like you are taking heroic measures to help him recover from his alcoholism. I understand that completely - it comes from the love you have for him.

I'm a newcomer to recovery, but one of the things I have learned is that I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, and I can't control it (the alcoholism). These are the "three C's" we learn about in Alanon.

When I was overly involved in the recovery of my alcoholic daughter, it didn't give her any motivation to do the hard work of recovery for herself. Her response was: "Why should I make an effort to get better when my Mum is doing all the work for me?". She only started to get better when I stepped back and allowed her to experience the consequences of her drinking. Basically, I had to allow her to hit bottom. This was very painful for me but it had to be done.

Anyway, everybodys situation is different and I wish you all the best as you move forward. But something that might be realy helpful for you is joining an Alanon group. I know it was a lifesaver for me.

Love and blessings

Robin

susane1408

Your concern is greatly appreciated and your heart is in the right place
I have always believed in digesting the information and advice that I am given, and, based on my my needs and those of my P, tailoring them to our personal situation, history etc.
Thank you for your input.
I hope your daughter is doing ok, she's blessed to have a mother like you,
Take care