cloudy

Is there ANY way to calm another’s suspicious or angered state of mind? Anything at all? Please tell me any ideas.

Last night my cell phone rang about 11:30pm. I put it on silent. Looking at it this morning there were 7 calls. A voicemail saying he doesn’t appreciate whoever is driving by shouting “move” and throwing rocks at the house and if I know who it is would I please talk to them or he’s going to call the law. I haven’t called back but probably will before he shows up at my mom’s house. Call the law I want to say, let them have a look at the inside of the house too…NO I don’t know anyone who would behave that way, and certainly wouldn’t tell anyone to do that. And who knows if anyone even is for all I know he broke a window and this is a cover up for it. Or it’s someone he knows, or it’s some stranger. I have no idea but for him to be calling me over and over going to me about it is what bothers me. This is his line of thinking.

And tomorrow he’ll probably get the letter the lawyer is sending him. I don’t even want to talk about all that it’s just exhausting and upsetting. But my point I guess is that I am nervous, again. He’s just out of his mind obviously from whatever he’s doing. I guess all I can do is call him and say no I don’t know anyone who would do that (the only people I really talk to is Alanon and they are way above that type of behavior if this in fact is even happening). And I’ll tell him yes call the police.

And if after getting the letter I get too worried then I’ll deal with that then. I just can’t seem to get past feeling so upset and nervous about him thinking the way he does. I want to keep things peaceful but sometimes I wonder if I am being cautious enough in regard to his ever changing state of mind, which seems to be residing more and more in anger and suspicion. I feel sad that he feels that way, but I'm also feeling nervous about the ramifications of such thinking.

journeygal

Well, unfortunately the answer is no.

He is suspicious b/c of his own insecurities combined with whatever he's drinking or using. There is no reasoning with someone while they're in an altered state and those who are already insecure, jealous, etc will be very hard, if not impossible, to reason with.

Please keep yourself safe and document all his behavior, just in case he keeps getting worse.

Hugs,
JG

CatsTail

DON'T call him you'll only fuel the fire. Write down everything he does in case you have to get a restraining order or something. But I repeat DO NOT call him.

Ngaire

cloudy

Thanks Journeygal and Ngaire,

That was my first thought too, until I got this picture in my head of him coming to the door at my mom's house. I thought as long as I just say no I don't know anything about that and leave it at that, that it would close the issue, with me anyway. Other than that the only other option he has I figured is call the police which wouldn't bother me any. So this is why I considered answering. To try to stop the fire so to speak.

Write back!
thank you Cloudy

walkingtheline

It's not your fire.

I would not call him but I would do everything you can do to keep you and your family members safe. Document his actions/calls etc. Do not hesitate to call the police if help is required or you or your family members feel threated in any way.

(((Cloudy)))

cloudy

thanks WTL, I understand what you mean about it's not my fire. I mean I understand I didn't start it (oh here comes that "we didn't start the fire" billy joel song now in my head!) anyway I realize I didn't start it but I don't want it spreading over this way you know? I don't see the harm in just telling him it's nothing to do with me. Now I realize I'm in need of guidance right now so I'm not saying I'm right but do you still think it's not ok to answer? I feel like I'm standing by letting the fire spread my way if I don't just answer! Agh! Praytime.

walkingtheline

In my opinion anyone who calls SEVEN times after 11:30 pm and before morning is way over the top angry. If he really wanted it to stop he would have called the police, his intent must have been to lash out at you. He is intentionally blowing the fire your way.

How about this? If he calls again and says someone is doing this or that why don't you call the police and simply tell them he called you rather than them and you're concerned. Ask them to check on him. It's a way to take action and yet keep yourself safe and out of the fire.

CatsTail

You can let him leave messages not return his calls, contact the police and let them listen to the messages. As I said and others have said document everything, times, dates everything. All these things add up. And if you are with your mom you have a witness if he shows up.

By you contacting him he's hooking you in and that's what he wants. Don't let yourself get hooked.

Also you could find out if there are any shelters in your area just in case.

Ngaire

mushroom

Don't call him.

Do not call him.

do NOT call him.

He is irrational. Nothing you can do will make him better. Calling him will only make it worse.

Don't even answer the phone when he calls. You'll just encourage him.

cloudy

thanks you guys.....THANK YOU :- )
I think it might have actually got through this thick skull the sensible things you are telling me