Weird moment.
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
Weird moment.
My 16 year old son is dating a junior this year. So tonight he will be attending the prom. *Gulp* Where did the time go?
My AH called me today to let me know what was going on and who was driving them, etc. I caught myself feeling surprised that AH had actually given my son money (as my son has a job himself) but even more than that, I was surprised to realize that AH had actually taken our son out and got his tuxedo rented and the corsage and everything for this event! Actually, I was in a stage between shocked and proud. (And yea, maybe even a little jealous that son didn't ask me to do this for him though I had told him upfront when he mentioned going that he better get w/ Dad to make the arrangements.)
So after getting off the phone, for a moment, I felt saddened that my son is growing up, proud that AH took care of this, almost saddened though that he had done it as I guess I'm so used to him failing, and I've just felt weird this afternoon.
Son and his girlfriend are going to stop by here so I can take some pictures of them in their fine attire (Son is so into camo pants and a tshirt that I have to have proof that he can actually clean up - LOL).
Ironically, my youngest son and I had a nice talk last night about life. And of course AH was part of the conversation. I told him how sometimes we just bring out the worst in people instead of the best and that we need to see the positives in Dad and myself since we've been apart. Today I had to eat those words when I realized that it was all true and that AH really has grown up and has improved and pulled this off for our oldest son.
So I'm having a weird moment. Temporarily second guessed my decision to part with AH today after talking to him on the phone - but know that we are both happier people apart than we are together.
*sigh* Recovery isn't always a fun thing sometimes. Today is one of those days.
My AH called me today to let me know what was going on and who was driving them, etc. I caught myself feeling surprised that AH had actually given my son money (as my son has a job himself) but even more than that, I was surprised to realize that AH had actually taken our son out and got his tuxedo rented and the corsage and everything for this event! Actually, I was in a stage between shocked and proud. (And yea, maybe even a little jealous that son didn't ask me to do this for him though I had told him upfront when he mentioned going that he better get w/ Dad to make the arrangements.)
So after getting off the phone, for a moment, I felt saddened that my son is growing up, proud that AH took care of this, almost saddened though that he had done it as I guess I'm so used to him failing, and I've just felt weird this afternoon.
Son and his girlfriend are going to stop by here so I can take some pictures of them in their fine attire (Son is so into camo pants and a tshirt that I have to have proof that he can actually clean up - LOL).
Ironically, my youngest son and I had a nice talk last night about life. And of course AH was part of the conversation. I told him how sometimes we just bring out the worst in people instead of the best and that we need to see the positives in Dad and myself since we've been apart. Today I had to eat those words when I realized that it was all true and that AH really has grown up and has improved and pulled this off for our oldest son.
So I'm having a weird moment. Temporarily second guessed my decision to part with AH today after talking to him on the phone - but know that we are both happier people apart than we are together.
*sigh* Recovery isn't always a fun thing sometimes. Today is one of those days.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: northern minnesota
Posts: 269
i think for myself you had one of those moments when your AH was being the child of god he was meant to be. my exA had those too. and oh how it made me want to get right back into all of it again.
but when i balanced my entire life... i realized i dont want to be second best to E&J brandy, Stoli vodka, and honey weiss beer. and that no matter how God gave these moments... i still was not meant to be with him.
it helped me to realize that these moments are probably for someone else. either for the A.. or for your son. this disease is deceptive, it is ruthless, it is progressive. it will take no prisoners and leave only victims.
count your blessings... your son now has a memory of Dad as a good guy. my childrens father provides very very few of them. my exA also provided very very few of them. sometimes i think we get moments like this to test us also. to test whether we have forgiven, or if we are enabling.
remember the past, dont repeat it. cherish the moment, but dont expect it to be the future.
congrats on sending your son to prom. mine went last year as a SR in high school and i cried and cried.. i remember practicing for two days how to hold his arm out for his girlfriend to hang onto... and wow was i proud of how well they walked together. although he probably remembers me saying "hold your arm out proudly, she isnt a sack of potatoes" lol
quietsins
but when i balanced my entire life... i realized i dont want to be second best to E&J brandy, Stoli vodka, and honey weiss beer. and that no matter how God gave these moments... i still was not meant to be with him.
it helped me to realize that these moments are probably for someone else. either for the A.. or for your son. this disease is deceptive, it is ruthless, it is progressive. it will take no prisoners and leave only victims.
count your blessings... your son now has a memory of Dad as a good guy. my childrens father provides very very few of them. my exA also provided very very few of them. sometimes i think we get moments like this to test us also. to test whether we have forgiven, or if we are enabling.
remember the past, dont repeat it. cherish the moment, but dont expect it to be the future.
congrats on sending your son to prom. mine went last year as a SR in high school and i cried and cried.. i remember practicing for two days how to hold his arm out for his girlfriend to hang onto... and wow was i proud of how well they walked together. although he probably remembers me saying "hold your arm out proudly, she isnt a sack of potatoes" lol
quietsins
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Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Where the sun always shines!
Posts: 1,625
Just wanted to say....I can completely relate to those second thoughts. You know I have them a lot.
I am so not looking forward to my son growing up. Isn't there something we can feed our kids to keep them young...lol
I am so not looking forward to my son growing up. Isn't there something we can feed our kids to keep them young...lol
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
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Well, my weird moment turned into a very emotionally exhausting day. I sit here now to share with you before I tumble off to bed.
A man called today and asked for AH. Of course, AH isn't here. But I ask who it is and he tells me his name - and then tells me that AH is seeing his ex-girlfriend and goes on to tell me who his ex is. I replied that I knew who she was, and acted as though it wasn't a big deal. (in truth, I didn't know about it! And have come to think that this guy didn't want to talk to AH, but that he wanted to inform me. Also made a comment that caught me off guard in my state of shock that I didn't realize till we hung up. But he implied that he and his ex are ex's now but weren't when the relationship between AH and her started. Hmm.....hindsite sucks. I wish I had realized that comment when he made it and or mentioned it to AH but who knows what the truth is anyways.)
But in reality, it hurt! Bad! I called AH to let him know that the girl's ex was looking for him about an hour later. I told him part of what the guy had told me and asked AH if he was going to deny it. Ah said, "no". So, we talked for awhile and he admitted he's been seeing this girl, etc. Along with some other things we talked about, I made a comment. I can't recall the exact comment but something to the point of him being a better person now and treating her better than he ever did me.
Many many years ago (maybe 15 years), this was one of my biggest fears. That if I left AH, he'd go on to find someone else and treat them as he should have treated me, his wife!
I have felt a wide range of emotion today. I knew he'd move on someday, I guess I just wasn't ready for him too. I know, I'm being selfish. In many ways, as I've commented here and there and talked to my best friend about, AH and I seemed to have traded places along the way.
So as I continue to throw myself between the questioning of my decision (yet again) as well as that need I've been feeling for my self respect, I wallow yet still in indecision. Indecision has always always always been a major problem with me. Definately something I need to work on.
*sigh* As I said earlier, today hasn't been one of those fun days in my recovery. Actually, I feel like I've taken a few large steps backwards today as well. I am giving up for the day and going to bed where I hope to rest my mind, my heart, and soul - and not have any dreams of him that wake me up or that I remember.
A man called today and asked for AH. Of course, AH isn't here. But I ask who it is and he tells me his name - and then tells me that AH is seeing his ex-girlfriend and goes on to tell me who his ex is. I replied that I knew who she was, and acted as though it wasn't a big deal. (in truth, I didn't know about it! And have come to think that this guy didn't want to talk to AH, but that he wanted to inform me. Also made a comment that caught me off guard in my state of shock that I didn't realize till we hung up. But he implied that he and his ex are ex's now but weren't when the relationship between AH and her started. Hmm.....hindsite sucks. I wish I had realized that comment when he made it and or mentioned it to AH but who knows what the truth is anyways.)
But in reality, it hurt! Bad! I called AH to let him know that the girl's ex was looking for him about an hour later. I told him part of what the guy had told me and asked AH if he was going to deny it. Ah said, "no". So, we talked for awhile and he admitted he's been seeing this girl, etc. Along with some other things we talked about, I made a comment. I can't recall the exact comment but something to the point of him being a better person now and treating her better than he ever did me.
Many many years ago (maybe 15 years), this was one of my biggest fears. That if I left AH, he'd go on to find someone else and treat them as he should have treated me, his wife!
I have felt a wide range of emotion today. I knew he'd move on someday, I guess I just wasn't ready for him too. I know, I'm being selfish. In many ways, as I've commented here and there and talked to my best friend about, AH and I seemed to have traded places along the way.
So as I continue to throw myself between the questioning of my decision (yet again) as well as that need I've been feeling for my self respect, I wallow yet still in indecision. Indecision has always always always been a major problem with me. Definately something I need to work on.
*sigh* As I said earlier, today hasn't been one of those fun days in my recovery. Actually, I feel like I've taken a few large steps backwards today as well. I am giving up for the day and going to bed where I hope to rest my mind, my heart, and soul - and not have any dreams of him that wake me up or that I remember.
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