Sitting on my hands, tape over my mouth, mayhem in my heart! (a vent)
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Anaheim,CA
Posts: 549
Sitting on my hands, tape over my mouth, mayhem in my heart! (a vent)
I keep telling myself "35 days". My new apartment will be ready in 35 days.
But I want to hurt him. I want to scream at him. I want to pick up things and hurl them at him!
ABF works M-F, so I can avoid him thru the work week. I am usually asleep before he stumbles in from work. (he works swing) So I see the empties in the am, but I usually don't have to deal with him.
Weekends however just suck. Friday nite or actually around 2 am Saturday morn he wakes me. We have zero physical contact and it's been that way for several months. He reeks of beer and he wants sex. As he so gallantly asks, "Why can't I get some p****?" I make it clear he needs to go away.
Saturday the beer starts in the am. TV blaring, he's screaming at sports, I left for most of the morning and afternoon. Came back around dinnertime, same thing. Leave again around 7 pm, he's already passed out. Back at 11, he's still passed out. There's a 40oz beer on the floor, guess he passed out before finishing.
4 am this morning, he's up and yep, drank THAT 40, then went to some store (Damned if I know who's open) and gets three of those little airline type bottles of hard liquor. By 4:30 am he's got the TV back on and is back to yelling at the screen. I wake, I tell him to TURN IT DOWN. Down it goes, and for the next few hours I try to sleep while he changes channels and volumes. Give up at 7:30, the TV is blaring and you guessed it, he's passed out in front of it.
I just want to clock him one! Put him and me out of our misery.
Having vented that out, I'm going to pour another cup of coffee, read the Sunday paper, plan my day and shut my mouth. I know it's a disease, I
know he must be miserable in his life, and I know there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.
But Lord, I'd like to crack him one upside his head!
But I want to hurt him. I want to scream at him. I want to pick up things and hurl them at him!
ABF works M-F, so I can avoid him thru the work week. I am usually asleep before he stumbles in from work. (he works swing) So I see the empties in the am, but I usually don't have to deal with him.
Weekends however just suck. Friday nite or actually around 2 am Saturday morn he wakes me. We have zero physical contact and it's been that way for several months. He reeks of beer and he wants sex. As he so gallantly asks, "Why can't I get some p****?" I make it clear he needs to go away.
Saturday the beer starts in the am. TV blaring, he's screaming at sports, I left for most of the morning and afternoon. Came back around dinnertime, same thing. Leave again around 7 pm, he's already passed out. Back at 11, he's still passed out. There's a 40oz beer on the floor, guess he passed out before finishing.
4 am this morning, he's up and yep, drank THAT 40, then went to some store (Damned if I know who's open) and gets three of those little airline type bottles of hard liquor. By 4:30 am he's got the TV back on and is back to yelling at the screen. I wake, I tell him to TURN IT DOWN. Down it goes, and for the next few hours I try to sleep while he changes channels and volumes. Give up at 7:30, the TV is blaring and you guessed it, he's passed out in front of it.
I just want to clock him one! Put him and me out of our misery.
Having vented that out, I'm going to pour another cup of coffee, read the Sunday paper, plan my day and shut my mouth. I know it's a disease, I
know he must be miserable in his life, and I know there is absolutely nothing I can do about it.
But Lord, I'd like to crack him one upside his head!
Caring for the 3 little bears
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Oz
Posts: 509
wow! sorry you are struggling so much. Hope you can find some peace today. Hope your plans for the day are to GET THE HECK OUT OF THERE AND ENJOY THE DAY!
I know the feeling of wanting to crack him upside the head. That basically happened with me last Oct/Nov, and I tell you, it is not worth it. I know you are probably just talking, but don't do it. You could be arrested then you would have more problems that you brought on yourself. Although, I really really really think sometimes these people need a good whack in the head! ha ha ha Maybe it will jog their brain back into sanity... hmmmm, doubt it.
Sounds like you have a plan, you can live ONE DAY AT A TIME knowing this situation is temporary.
Really hope you can find some peace today.
Take care.
I know the feeling of wanting to crack him upside the head. That basically happened with me last Oct/Nov, and I tell you, it is not worth it. I know you are probably just talking, but don't do it. You could be arrested then you would have more problems that you brought on yourself. Although, I really really really think sometimes these people need a good whack in the head! ha ha ha Maybe it will jog their brain back into sanity... hmmmm, doubt it.
Sounds like you have a plan, you can live ONE DAY AT A TIME knowing this situation is temporary.
Really hope you can find some peace today.
Take care.
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
Wray,
I will share with you something I rarely tell people anymore.... and that is: when mine used to be gone late and I didn't know where he was, rather than worrying about where he was or what he might or might not be doing, I occupied my time by planning his funeral, the memorial service, the reception afterwards (a lovely affair, by the way) and then I fantasized about all the different ways I would spend the life insurance money.
I also understand about the late night noise. I finally got my BF these headphones that connect to the TV wirelessly ($50 at Radio Shack) - so he can watch TV all freakin night long if he wants and he hears the sound thru the headset. Also, you might want to invest in some ear plugs - at least that way you'll get some sleep.
35 days feels like an eternity, yet when its over and done it will seem like a blip on your radar and nothing more.
Hang in there, friend. It sounds like you are doing everything you can to take care of you.
Hugs and love
Barb
I will share with you something I rarely tell people anymore.... and that is: when mine used to be gone late and I didn't know where he was, rather than worrying about where he was or what he might or might not be doing, I occupied my time by planning his funeral, the memorial service, the reception afterwards (a lovely affair, by the way) and then I fantasized about all the different ways I would spend the life insurance money.
I also understand about the late night noise. I finally got my BF these headphones that connect to the TV wirelessly ($50 at Radio Shack) - so he can watch TV all freakin night long if he wants and he hears the sound thru the headset. Also, you might want to invest in some ear plugs - at least that way you'll get some sleep.
35 days feels like an eternity, yet when its over and done it will seem like a blip on your radar and nothing more.
Hang in there, friend. It sounds like you are doing everything you can to take care of you.
Hugs and love
Barb
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 491
35 Days may feel like eternity, but with patience, the reward will be worth the wait! Take this time as a time of learning, learning more about this whole ordeal so maybe you can protect / heal yourself even more, training, training of how to cope with hardship when life brings it to you and training on how to be patient.
These are all things I've learned and have improved on during the entire ordeal, I hope it is of any comfort to your situation. Your hardship is on my mind and heart as everyone elses is too.
These are all things I've learned and have improved on during the entire ordeal, I hope it is of any comfort to your situation. Your hardship is on my mind and heart as everyone elses is too.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: over yonder
Posts: 1,548
Prob a dumb question, but why not find a motel that rents by the month and just go??
Would he trash your belongings?? I feel sure you have thought of this, just had to ask. Wanting the best for you Hugs clancy46
Would he trash your belongings?? I feel sure you have thought of this, just had to ask. Wanting the best for you Hugs clancy46
May it be
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: A new day. Today I just see bright colors, in the small world of my dreams.
Posts: 384
the headphone idea, sounds excellent, esp for your night's sleep. Then from then on, your life can be an adventerous local travel... at least here the weather is getting nicer... explore parks, or if it's not nice, go to a bookstore and enjoy a couch, with a good magazine or book, or a library, then if you can find a diner, that still serves coffee till your butt falls of the stool, take along a good paperback (I use to work with a guy that would do this all night, even though he had a place to go, I think it was his way to night socialize without the alcohol). Stop someplace on the way home from work... visit a friend, or if you are an animal lover, visit a pet store, I don't know what you like, but if you do this ~ the 35 days will be too short...
This time, for myself, I Wasn't the one that had to move, but when the day came that he finally did leave and I was on my own again, was Bliss... not to say that I still don't have problems stemming from all this, but at least more aren't accumulating... Go have some relaxation, away from it all.
This time, for myself, I Wasn't the one that had to move, but when the day came that he finally did leave and I was on my own again, was Bliss... not to say that I still don't have problems stemming from all this, but at least more aren't accumulating... Go have some relaxation, away from it all.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Anaheim,CA
Posts: 549
Thanks all.
Not 15 mins after I posted this a friend called. I had been inviting him to church with me and he always declined. Yes, he wanted to go to the 10:30 service! It was lovely, filled with joy.
Hotel idea is a good one except I am a corporate officer of a company that is 2000 miles away. I work from a home office and need all the "stuff" to stay in touch...DSL, fax line etc.
I'll be fine. I came home and he's gone, the trash is full of empties. I was polite and left a note so he knew where I was. The tape recorder is on my desk, that was VERY effective the last time he pitched a fit, and if need be I'll do it again.
Again, thanks for being here...just being able to vent this this morning made all the difference in the world. My spirit is renewed from the service and I know I can get thru today, no sweat...and I won't slap him into next week no matter how much I am tempted!
This too shall pass...
Not 15 mins after I posted this a friend called. I had been inviting him to church with me and he always declined. Yes, he wanted to go to the 10:30 service! It was lovely, filled with joy.
Hotel idea is a good one except I am a corporate officer of a company that is 2000 miles away. I work from a home office and need all the "stuff" to stay in touch...DSL, fax line etc.
I'll be fine. I came home and he's gone, the trash is full of empties. I was polite and left a note so he knew where I was. The tape recorder is on my desk, that was VERY effective the last time he pitched a fit, and if need be I'll do it again.
Again, thanks for being here...just being able to vent this this morning made all the difference in the world. My spirit is renewed from the service and I know I can get thru today, no sweat...and I won't slap him into next week no matter how much I am tempted!
This too shall pass...
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
