Life can get better. Just a bit of my recovery.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
Life can get better. Just a bit of my recovery.
I used to hide my homelife from people. Even when people had an idea of what was going on, they never knew the full extent.
( I now have no problem telling people how it was)
I used to feel as though I wasn't good enough, wasn't nice enough, a good enough wife, etc. since AH treated me as he did.
(I now know that I am a worthy person. He did as he chose to do because it was his choice. Not because it was something I lacked.)
I used to be fiercely independant. I wouldn't allow anyone to do anything for me because I believed it showed I was weak. My AH's was the one that I wanted to do things for me and was the only one I'd accept things from.
(I now am realizing that being too independant can sometimes lead to shutting people out and can be misinterpreted by others as shutting them out and rejecting them)
I used to think that I was helpless to control my circumstances since I had no control of AH's drinking.
(I now know that I can have a life seperated from his drinking)
I used to be stressed out all the time. ALways wondering "Will today be the day......that he will go out on a binge again, that I will find out about another debt that he has created unbeknownst to me, etc etc etc". I was anxious, stressed, depressed, and was sad!
(I now accept each day as a new beginning. I have my own goals I wish to reach. And I accept whatever "challenge" comes that day as it comes. I am less stressed, I am less anxious, I am not in the scary throes of depression as I used to be, and I am no longer sad. I am much more at peace.)
I used to call around when Ah was not home for me to go to work. I would have to make last minute arrangements to take my kids to my parents or in laws so I could go to work. I was late to work quite a bit - and late as in a lot late, not just a few minutes.
(I now do not call around to find out where AH is or when he's coming home. He no longer lives here. I have arrangements set up for my children before school and arrangements for them if something arises that I need someone to watch them for some reason. And when I'm late to work now, it's usually only a few minutes, only sometimes, and it's because of ME and my mismanagement of time or sleep, not because of someone else's actions)
I used to work third shift because I thought it was the best thing for my children. This way they would be with a parent and not having a childcare provider raising my children. I went lots of days with no sleep and I felt like a zombie.
(I realize now that despite the fact of trying to do the right thing for my children, I also hurt them too. I was constantly tired and they remember me sleeping alot. I have since been promoted and am on day shift with normal hours.)
I used to whine and cry to my best friend about AH. I'd tell her over and over and over again the way I felt, the new things he'd done, the new debt I'd found out about, etc. And yet I did nothing about it. I felt helpless.
(I now tell my best friend the things that annoy me, disappoint me, etc about ah. But I am no longer whining and crying the same old story over and over again. And I also have good things to share with her now too, not just depressing AH stuff)
After Ah and I got married, had kids, etc. I found that I had no life. AH was still out living, playing with his friends, etc. I was the homewife always at home.
(I now go places. I take my kids out to festivals, fairs, shopping, etc. I go out with my friends and do things we enjoy together. I now have a life outside of my home.)
I used to live in what I term as "The Jerry Springer Saga". My life was chaotic. My life was filled with "Jerry Springer Material" from the life AH and I had to the life that some of my friends had.
(I now have weeded out the friends that aren't really my friends. I have surrounded myself with friends that are true friends. I avoid chaotic stuff and strive for peace.)
I used to argue with AH. I'd get angry, I'd be bitter, resentful, accusatory, etc etc etc. I'd scream, I'd cry, I'd beg, etc.
(I now no longer argue with AH - or anyone else for that matter. If I dont' like something or feel they need to know that I don't like something, I simply tell them. I do not fight about it, I do not argue. It is the way it is and I refuse to allow my energy to be used on something that I cannot change or control. Again, I strive for peace.)
And while there are many more ways in which I have changed, which in turn have changed my life, I wanted you to get a glimpse into how my recovery is going.
Sometimes I come across a little "rough" as I tend to be a little blunt and to the point. LOL. I do not have all the answers and I see myself as still in recovery - and I plan to keep recovering my entire life. Life is a journey, not a destination. And I want to continue to grow and learn throughout.
I continue to see on a daily basis how living with an AH for so long has affected me. It's made me into the person that I am and there are things I want to change about me. Things I want to improve, things I want to understand, etc.
So I am on my journey! And thought I'd share with some of you that may feel down and scared right now. That life can get better!
( I now have no problem telling people how it was)
I used to feel as though I wasn't good enough, wasn't nice enough, a good enough wife, etc. since AH treated me as he did.
(I now know that I am a worthy person. He did as he chose to do because it was his choice. Not because it was something I lacked.)
I used to be fiercely independant. I wouldn't allow anyone to do anything for me because I believed it showed I was weak. My AH's was the one that I wanted to do things for me and was the only one I'd accept things from.
(I now am realizing that being too independant can sometimes lead to shutting people out and can be misinterpreted by others as shutting them out and rejecting them)
I used to think that I was helpless to control my circumstances since I had no control of AH's drinking.
(I now know that I can have a life seperated from his drinking)
I used to be stressed out all the time. ALways wondering "Will today be the day......that he will go out on a binge again, that I will find out about another debt that he has created unbeknownst to me, etc etc etc". I was anxious, stressed, depressed, and was sad!
(I now accept each day as a new beginning. I have my own goals I wish to reach. And I accept whatever "challenge" comes that day as it comes. I am less stressed, I am less anxious, I am not in the scary throes of depression as I used to be, and I am no longer sad. I am much more at peace.)
I used to call around when Ah was not home for me to go to work. I would have to make last minute arrangements to take my kids to my parents or in laws so I could go to work. I was late to work quite a bit - and late as in a lot late, not just a few minutes.
(I now do not call around to find out where AH is or when he's coming home. He no longer lives here. I have arrangements set up for my children before school and arrangements for them if something arises that I need someone to watch them for some reason. And when I'm late to work now, it's usually only a few minutes, only sometimes, and it's because of ME and my mismanagement of time or sleep, not because of someone else's actions)
I used to work third shift because I thought it was the best thing for my children. This way they would be with a parent and not having a childcare provider raising my children. I went lots of days with no sleep and I felt like a zombie.
(I realize now that despite the fact of trying to do the right thing for my children, I also hurt them too. I was constantly tired and they remember me sleeping alot. I have since been promoted and am on day shift with normal hours.)
I used to whine and cry to my best friend about AH. I'd tell her over and over and over again the way I felt, the new things he'd done, the new debt I'd found out about, etc. And yet I did nothing about it. I felt helpless.
(I now tell my best friend the things that annoy me, disappoint me, etc about ah. But I am no longer whining and crying the same old story over and over again. And I also have good things to share with her now too, not just depressing AH stuff)
After Ah and I got married, had kids, etc. I found that I had no life. AH was still out living, playing with his friends, etc. I was the homewife always at home.
(I now go places. I take my kids out to festivals, fairs, shopping, etc. I go out with my friends and do things we enjoy together. I now have a life outside of my home.)
I used to live in what I term as "The Jerry Springer Saga". My life was chaotic. My life was filled with "Jerry Springer Material" from the life AH and I had to the life that some of my friends had.
(I now have weeded out the friends that aren't really my friends. I have surrounded myself with friends that are true friends. I avoid chaotic stuff and strive for peace.)
I used to argue with AH. I'd get angry, I'd be bitter, resentful, accusatory, etc etc etc. I'd scream, I'd cry, I'd beg, etc.
(I now no longer argue with AH - or anyone else for that matter. If I dont' like something or feel they need to know that I don't like something, I simply tell them. I do not fight about it, I do not argue. It is the way it is and I refuse to allow my energy to be used on something that I cannot change or control. Again, I strive for peace.)
And while there are many more ways in which I have changed, which in turn have changed my life, I wanted you to get a glimpse into how my recovery is going.
Sometimes I come across a little "rough" as I tend to be a little blunt and to the point. LOL. I do not have all the answers and I see myself as still in recovery - and I plan to keep recovering my entire life. Life is a journey, not a destination. And I want to continue to grow and learn throughout.
I continue to see on a daily basis how living with an AH for so long has affected me. It's made me into the person that I am and there are things I want to change about me. Things I want to improve, things I want to understand, etc.
So I am on my journey! And thought I'd share with some of you that may feel down and scared right now. That life can get better!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
It's great, yes? Know what I notice about your post? It's all about you and how you have learned to take care of yourself. Before recovery, we tend to make it all about them and what they are doing to us.
That's the secret, I think. When we stop blaming them and look to ourselves for the answers, recovery happens. It's just the way it works.
Keep looking after yourself and it will just get better and better each day.
Hugs
Ann
That's the secret, I think. When we stop blaming them and look to ourselves for the answers, recovery happens. It's just the way it works.
Keep looking after yourself and it will just get better and better each day.
Hugs
Ann
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: martins ferry, ohio
Posts: 1
Your Post Was Very Hopeful To Me. I Am Struggling With My Husbands Sickness. He Has Admitted It And He Thinks That He Can Take Care Of It Himself. I Haven't Talked To Him About It Anymore Ihave Put It In Gods Hands But It Is So Hard To Not Be Angry And Want To Ask Him Everytime He Is In A Terrible Mood Have You Been Drinkin? But I Dont Want To Start A Fight With Him. I Am Just Praying To God That He Will Give My Husband Stregnth To Quit His Addiction And Stregnth For Me To Beable To Stick With Him Until He Does. Do You Have Any Suggestions ??? I Have Never Been To An Alanon Meeting Yet It Is Very Hard To Go With My Work Schedule And My Kids Baseball Schedules So I Am Trying To Get Answers On This Board. Thanks . Jjs
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