JennyK

I don't trust my husband not to drink.

I have set a boundary that I will leave with the children if he comes home drunk again.

I can't stop thinking about WHEN that is going to happen.

Everytime he leaves the house with his "friend" I wonder if this will be the time.

I wonder if I will really be able to do it. And do it right.

I was so good at letting go when he was drinking all the time and I did not know that I had had enough.

I have all the tools in my mind, yet at this point, when it all seem so critical, I am thinking about it all the time.

It is not the "shoe dropping" feeling, it is more continually questioning of my own decisions and thought processes.

I am not coping well, I know that I am not, yet I can't figure out how to do it better. I can't call up my tools and my strategies.

I am letting this low level dread interfer with my daily thoughts. It feels like a continually shiver in my spine and I am always uncomfortable.

The one thing I find helpful is thinking "one minute at a time" and even that is not working tonight since I can't help but jump ahead and think of the minute that he does walk in the door drunk and wonder when THAT minute is going to happen and what will happend after that.

I feel I have painted myself into a corner and now I am stuck waiting with nowhere to go.

I HATE insanity I am feeling right now...please remind me that I do know how to make myself feel sane again.

Jenny

elizabeth1979

Jenny, you can do this!! I read your posts and replys to others all the time, and I know you can do this! Remember that you are not drawing boundries and preparing our of hate for him, but out of love for you and your kids! You need this to feel well...not better mind you, but well! Better is a bonus though! Don't stress too much...it will happen the way your HP intends it to...read any recovery books you have, love yourself. love your kids, and think about what you would do if anyone else exposed your children to an addict/alcoholic...you would never let them do it again right?

walkingtheline

I don't remember you saying you were leaving forever, just that you were leaving. Do I have that straight?

so here's some ideas.

Have a friend or a family member who would let you spend the night or a weekend? Call them, explain what's up and see if you'd be welcome.

Have enough cash in your purse for a hotel room. Treated right, could be a treat for you and the kids.

Not late when he shows up after drinking? Just go somewhere with the kids.
A movie. Walking the mall. Out for ice cream. The zoo. The park. The library.

If and when the time comes be very matter of fact. Say to the kids...in a cheery way, "Come on, kids, we're going out!" Say quietly to your A something like "I told you we would leave if you came home after drinking."

Then LEAVE. Give him time to think in that empty space, you and the children go do something else.

When you return you can explain to your A he broke one of your boundaries, and while you'd hate to make the disappearance permanent, you will if this becomes a habit.

Remember, it's YOUR corner...hahaha...it can be as rounded as you need it to be.

JennyK

Yes, that is right. I was not saying I would leave forever.

Your post was very helpful. And specific. I needed that. It will not be the end of the world when he comes home drunk again, it WILL be the end of my wondering WHEN it will happen, then I can make a new plan.

I just feel so locked into this holding pattern, knowing that the inevitable will come. I need to just know that I have a plan and I can do it, then go ahead and live my life.

Thank you,

Jenny

JennyK

YES, see that is what I need to remember. I will NEVER let them be exposed to that on a daily basis again, after having seen what is possible for my family.

Thank you for your kind words.

Jenny

Audrey72

Jen - I am sorry it has come to this for you.

I think you can almost drive yourself nuts making plans and contingencies...I am the "What If" queen and just about drove myself insane.

I kept reading on her "Let God and let go" or "Let go and let God" and the moment I handed it over to my HP everything fell into place and I feel a lot better.

Take care of your mind, body, spirit and let your HP do the rest.

You have plenty of support here at SR - keep us informed.!
Aud.

Magichappens

When my brain starts kicking my butt, I pray, and reach out. I have never been able to control my brain, or my emotions. I have to ask for help. At first, I called my sponsor A LOT. If she wasn't available, I called other Al-Anon people. As I started practicing the steps, I learned how to find peace in myself. I still call and use the tools that I have been given. But practice has helped me get better at using them, so it doesn't seem to take as long or feel as clumsy.

I don't have to fight as much. The pain wasn't in the thoughts and emotions. It was in the fight I had against them. Today, I can realize that my mind is going to go where it wants. I just don't have to go into a battle with it. I can relax and reach out. It won't last forever. Detaching from my own mind was a great tool to learn. Just like learning to detach and quit fight the alcoholic, I can detach and quit fighting my own fears. The more I fight, the more power they seem to have.

I will always have fear and doubt. I just don't have to give them the power to rule me. Hugs, Magic

zoe

Keep in mind that it is always a scary time when we are doing something new in our lives. We seem to second guess ourselves and alot of this comes from the not knowing how it will turn out. Should I have done this or that. If you do have to go somewhere don't be afraid of the adventure. There are so many things and experiences out there that will be new for you and that is a good thing. Take yourself out of your comfort zone and make it a good thing.
Hugs
Zoe

cwohio

jennyk - there must be something in the air. i am having lots of feelings that i can't seem to "settle". i think those above have given you some solid alternatives to help you thru this bump in the road. i pray that you will have peace today and the shiver is replaced with a warm tingle of serenity.

chris

3Critters

Jenny, I am in such a similar situation...

I gave AH the ultimatum yesterday. He was very good about it, didn't fight me or disagree that he has a problem, etc. Is willing to try to quit drinking (a first for him), but I'm like you. I am so skeptical and am just waiting for when he messes up. I have also told him that he is not to drink around the kids anymore.

I loved walkingtheline's ideas. I am totally going to be prepared to taket he kids to a hotel or somewhere if he falls back into his old habits.

You said "It is not the "shoe dropping" feeling, it is more continually questioning of my own decisions and thought processes." I am doing that too. what helps me is that I need to remember what it's like when he's drinking daily and know that I have to do what I can to keep myself and the kids out of that situation. I can't control him, but I can control me.

(((Hugs))) I hope things get better.