sunshinebluesky

---------------------
OH GEEZ.................THAT WAS MINE!!! how about time frames.....anyone notice they have a hard time with time frames.....mine was in his house three years when i met him...we were together,two and a half, hes STILL in there three years!!!! and that was that way with other things too.
our very first real arguement was because he had gone out with an old friend he hadnt seen in awhile. on the computer we were chatting,and he was talkin about some women bein around. i said, so, did you get any #S? his, reponse was, "yes, but hell, dick is probably with her right now!!" so, then i say "WHAT??!! YOU DID????? and he changes it to "I didnt mean I did.......I meant dick did!!!" yeah, right...........that was over a year ago, and he STILL swears up and down HE didnt get a number.(and,oh by the way DICK HAS a girlfriend, and later Dick was hittin real hard on one of MY friends)
im sure i could come up with quite a few examples from our relationship......and it really is a mind-boggler,when you start to doubt yourself.
now, he is having a MAJOR FUNCTIONING BLACKOUT, as i dont think he is comprehending that we are REALLY over. when i see him, he wants me to kiss and hug him, and i dont want to hurt his feelings so i do, then i think i shouldnt have.
he keeps inviting me over, and always says i can spend the night and we will sleep in separate rooms (i never go) and sat, he didnt go to a bbq he was invited to, cuz he said he forgot, then added he would have gone if i went with him. i told him we cannot do those kinds of things cuz people dont comprehend,and he doesnt either--that we are not a couple anymore.
i just want to slap him upside his head,and say "SNAP OUT OF IT"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JessicaNAJ

My AH used to do this to me all the time. I was actually convinced I had a bad memory and couldn't remember squat. It's amazing how much my memory has improved since he's moved out.

rara

Amen.

I also get, "what do you mean do I remember that??" "of course I do"

I feel like I am apologizing to HIM when he doesn't remember something.

Cherokee Maid

BAD NEWS..my AH has been clean and sober for 25 years and I have all the memory or lack thereof problems you all describe. He says what he thinks you want to hear or makes the promises he thinks will get him his way and then..."I didn't say that" I am talking major life decisions like jobs debt and retirement. I did not know him when he was drinking but I think I know why 3 other women divorced him!

rara

Sober 25 years...I guess it's true when they say you lose all those brain cells.

I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Maybe his past is very telling, indeed. Yes, they do say what they think you want to hear, etc. and then deny it later. The major decisions are the killer. How on earth can you plan a life with someone who does this (rhetorical question)?

Right now I am getting the I'll please you routine because AH knows I am furious about backing out of decisions we made that he says he never did. He is trying very hard, I even got a dozen roses (I know this isn't the answer!). I know the blackouts will happen again. He isn't drinking right now, so he is OK, for now, but the dry drunk behavior is lurking. Do you know about dry drunks? That may help you.

I wish I had some helpful things to say!!!! Setting boundaries is a thought, which I am working on more, but how can he stick to them after agreeing, I wonder? Maybe you could try boundaries...but I don't know what will help. I took down our wedding picture...VERY passive aggressive, I know!! Terrible, but I don't care! He is freaking out and I'm glad. I don't want to be mean but at least it woke him up!