TinyVoice

My ex-abf (who is my ex but still in my life or trying to stay in my life) would drink so much I am not sure how it is possible he didn't black out. Plus his personality would change so much. He "seemed" to remember things he said. But he would say he was going to do this and that....threatening me and he never did. He would be so drunk. I just wonder how do you know when they have blacked out or not? It's such a scary thing. I feel like I am going crazy when I talk to him. He can be so sweet and so caring and so intelligent. Then he can be so beserk. I feel like I'm losing it.

JT

Tiny,

It is so easy for me to think I am losing it when I am trying to be in another person's head. There is really no way to know. Maybe he blacked out or maybe he remembered but is ashamed or has second thoughts. Either way he isn't facing or can't face the things you remember very clearly...because you were sober, because you believed the words and not the actions.

The best thing to do is to focus on yourself and not try to pick his pickled brain.

((Hugs))
JT

Morning Glory

I had the hardest time knowing when my son was in black out mode. I am just now able to tell. I've come to the conclusion that when he acts somewhat drunk he is in black out. It requires a great deal of alcohol to get him to that point. My son can be very nice when drunk or very mean. It depends on his mood and how things are going in his life.

The black outs can be very scary and at times even dangerous. It's not a good time to fight and argue. May be a good time to go to a movie and get away for a little while.

When my son drinks that much he doesn't usually remember what he did or said.

Hugs

TinyVoice

Can people do very uncharacteristic things while in black out mode? Once he seemed to almost make advances to my daughter. Which is VERY uncharacteristic of him. VERY. But I know I wasn't imagining it.

Morning Glory

I think they can. I also know that I have to take it seriously even though it might not be in their normal character. My son is normally very sweet to me, but I have to take it seriously when he is drunk and threatening me. It is very real when he is doing it.

The same thing would go for your ex. Even though it's not normal it is real and would be very damaging for you and your daugther if something happened. So I would take it as a threat to your daughter and protect her by keeping him away from her.

drgnfly30

With my AH it's hard to tell.. there are times that I think that he isn't that drunk & the next day he can't remember anything at all, other times he's so drunk I think that it would be impossible for him to remember anything & he remembers everything... However, they are scary and progressive... before I realized the frequency that they were occuring, I would be very confrontational with him.... not anymore... the thought of him hurting me & not remembering now makes me very cautious once he's finished his first glass of liquor. Geez....what a life!
Christine

queenofthehwy

TV,

From my own experience with my AH, yes they do very uncharacteristic things. Mine is physically abusive, it has only happened once, but that's enough for me to know I will not be around him when he is like that.

Mindi