Just remembering...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: US
Posts: 316
Just remembering...
back when I first found a message board (not this one) about living with an alcoholic I learned so much so quickly.
I got TONS of information and tips and ideas and suggestions and thoughts and prayers and mantras and good thoughts and postive vibes and ALL of it.
I learned so much.
And it took me 3 years to see the results in myself.
3 years of DAILY work. Hard work. Soul searching work.
3 years ago, it was inconceivable to me that I would ever leave my husband. Now, I have a plan if he ever comes home drunk again.
3 years ago, it was not even an option that I stated MY boundary and knew how to stick with it. I
3 years ago, I did not even know what a boundary was and 3 months ago I STILL did not know what a boundary was.
It is HARD...hard hard work to live with and love and alcoholic AND learn how to care for yourself.
I am sooo still learning, although when I think back to the things I posted about 3 years ago, I have come so far.
3 years ago, I thought that I learned quickly how to detach. This week, I realized I am still "oh so attached".
3 years ago, I thought I learned how to let go. Last month, I realized I was still hanging on.
3 years ago, I thought I knew that taking care of myself was more important than anything, I am still working on that one.
It is a life long lesson and life long journey. That post about a Sober Alcoholic being a hero was true.
AND the same is true for someone who loves an alcoholic (sober or not). The same is true for ANYONE who finds this board and is seeking inforamation and advice about how to do better at living their life.
I remember exact words of some of the posts back to me 3 years ago. They were moments of grace and moments of clarity, when I SAW and HEARD what I needed to do. From that realization until now...it is a long time.
Be kind to yourself. Learning is hard. Changing behavior is harder. Being here is great. Pat yourself on the back and keep your mind open.
Just another random thought/lecture before bed.
Jenny
I got TONS of information and tips and ideas and suggestions and thoughts and prayers and mantras and good thoughts and postive vibes and ALL of it.
I learned so much.
And it took me 3 years to see the results in myself.
3 years of DAILY work. Hard work. Soul searching work.
3 years ago, it was inconceivable to me that I would ever leave my husband. Now, I have a plan if he ever comes home drunk again.
3 years ago, it was not even an option that I stated MY boundary and knew how to stick with it. I
3 years ago, I did not even know what a boundary was and 3 months ago I STILL did not know what a boundary was.
It is HARD...hard hard work to live with and love and alcoholic AND learn how to care for yourself.
I am sooo still learning, although when I think back to the things I posted about 3 years ago, I have come so far.
3 years ago, I thought that I learned quickly how to detach. This week, I realized I am still "oh so attached".
3 years ago, I thought I learned how to let go. Last month, I realized I was still hanging on.
3 years ago, I thought I knew that taking care of myself was more important than anything, I am still working on that one.
It is a life long lesson and life long journey. That post about a Sober Alcoholic being a hero was true.
AND the same is true for someone who loves an alcoholic (sober or not). The same is true for ANYONE who finds this board and is seeking inforamation and advice about how to do better at living their life.
I remember exact words of some of the posts back to me 3 years ago. They were moments of grace and moments of clarity, when I SAW and HEARD what I needed to do. From that realization until now...it is a long time.
Be kind to yourself. Learning is hard. Changing behavior is harder. Being here is great. Pat yourself on the back and keep your mind open.
Just another random thought/lecture before bed.
Jenny
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 3,054
Thank you so much.
I think learning is my survival, well maybe not survival but a means to survive with happiness.
I can't chalk up the 3 years but in the last year I feel like I've had to learn so many things so quickly, alcoholism, depression, - it goes on. With each piece of understanding I've found another area of quietness inside me.
I can look back and I know if I hadn't bothered to learn I wouldn't have been able to get this far - and I still have most things left to learn!!
Until I read this I hadn't really given myself any credit for the hours I've spent on forums and reading research (I know the latter is quirky - but it helps me). Because I did it for me, for the things I want, I never thought of it as heroic.
I'm a bit nervous of thinking that but I might try because I do think I've tried hard.
I think learning is my survival, well maybe not survival but a means to survive with happiness.
I can't chalk up the 3 years but in the last year I feel like I've had to learn so many things so quickly, alcoholism, depression, - it goes on. With each piece of understanding I've found another area of quietness inside me.
I can look back and I know if I hadn't bothered to learn I wouldn't have been able to get this far - and I still have most things left to learn!!
Until I read this I hadn't really given myself any credit for the hours I've spent on forums and reading research (I know the latter is quirky - but it helps me). Because I did it for me, for the things I want, I never thought of it as heroic.
I'm a bit nervous of thinking that but I might try because I do think I've tried hard.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
jenny - wonderful post. i don't think the majority of us give ourselves credit for even what we consider the small things (finding al-anon, this forum) that we are doing for US! it may have started out as looking for a quick answer but as we grow, those of us who want to continue really are breaking the codie mold (or at least TRYING to). thanks for reminding us!
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