I feel like I married the devil........
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: DC Metro area
Posts: 22
I feel like I married the devil........
He has always been a big drinker.....We met when we were kids (16)
He was wild and crazy then- Iloved it then. He was fun then. He comes from a
good family which I later found out is full of alcoholics.......his dad and granddad-his mom is a doormat like me- the old me I guess. We hate each other now. I married him when I was in my 20s- we have 3 kids now and now married 7 years, he is way worse than he was then- I walked down the aisle thinking it was all fine- he was surely going to outgrow that behavior, as most of us can and do- But he didnt. He progressively got worse- Drank more, gave up beer for liquor bottles-gave up pot for cocaine- Most of the time I just wish he was dead.
Because I have left a bunch of times, hoping to impact him, but it didnt.
It hurt the kids, hurt me, left me burning the candle at both ends, working myself to death for what? I barely saw my kids- the sitters became their mom-
So I came back, decided to wait til they are older- but 6 months into it, I wish I had just stayed away.........His disease eats at my heart all day every day- I regret the choices I made in my 20s and wish so much that I had the sense then that I do now. I wish I could just stop caring -then it wouldnt hurt me, right? The kids dont seem to realize what is it he is doing to us....They know he lays in bed alot, works maybe 2 days a week now, and is so separated from us-
There are no heavy drinkers so I was not aware this life existed and I am sorry now that I do. Will one of my babies get this disease one day? What can I do to stop that? Leaving him doesnt solve the problem there either, b/c a judge ruled that he get 2 weekends a mth and one day each week night with them, after he even admitted to being a heavy drinker and drug user on the stand-he has been arrested several times due to his drunkeness and drug abuse-lost his license a few times-But in these past 6 months I notice a big change happening to him- His body is not able to handle this anymore like it used to. It hurts him alot- physically-He drinks even more now- usually a bottle a day- or a case of beer a day on most days-plus the cocaine- who knows how much b/c I am not around him and dont know much about the drug- he is out alot at night- likes to be with people like him.........He and I are soooo not the same- Not to say I am all that, just that I am not a partier and dont drink much and dont use drugs at all (maybe alittle pot in college) but that was a decade ago........We have fought about his drug/alcohol problems for years.........no change. I will not turn my kids over to him every other weekend- so they can raise themselves while he sleeps or gets high.
No way. I guess I will wait for him to OD or get better- what choice do I have? For years I provoked, nomore- now we just go along each day like he isnt there- b.c truly he isnt.
He was wild and crazy then- Iloved it then. He was fun then. He comes from a
good family which I later found out is full of alcoholics.......his dad and granddad-his mom is a doormat like me- the old me I guess. We hate each other now. I married him when I was in my 20s- we have 3 kids now and now married 7 years, he is way worse than he was then- I walked down the aisle thinking it was all fine- he was surely going to outgrow that behavior, as most of us can and do- But he didnt. He progressively got worse- Drank more, gave up beer for liquor bottles-gave up pot for cocaine- Most of the time I just wish he was dead.
Because I have left a bunch of times, hoping to impact him, but it didnt.
It hurt the kids, hurt me, left me burning the candle at both ends, working myself to death for what? I barely saw my kids- the sitters became their mom-
So I came back, decided to wait til they are older- but 6 months into it, I wish I had just stayed away.........His disease eats at my heart all day every day- I regret the choices I made in my 20s and wish so much that I had the sense then that I do now. I wish I could just stop caring -then it wouldnt hurt me, right? The kids dont seem to realize what is it he is doing to us....They know he lays in bed alot, works maybe 2 days a week now, and is so separated from us-
There are no heavy drinkers so I was not aware this life existed and I am sorry now that I do. Will one of my babies get this disease one day? What can I do to stop that? Leaving him doesnt solve the problem there either, b/c a judge ruled that he get 2 weekends a mth and one day each week night with them, after he even admitted to being a heavy drinker and drug user on the stand-he has been arrested several times due to his drunkeness and drug abuse-lost his license a few times-But in these past 6 months I notice a big change happening to him- His body is not able to handle this anymore like it used to. It hurts him alot- physically-He drinks even more now- usually a bottle a day- or a case of beer a day on most days-plus the cocaine- who knows how much b/c I am not around him and dont know much about the drug- he is out alot at night- likes to be with people like him.........He and I are soooo not the same- Not to say I am all that, just that I am not a partier and dont drink much and dont use drugs at all (maybe alittle pot in college) but that was a decade ago........We have fought about his drug/alcohol problems for years.........no change. I will not turn my kids over to him every other weekend- so they can raise themselves while he sleeps or gets high.
No way. I guess I will wait for him to OD or get better- what choice do I have? For years I provoked, nomore- now we just go along each day like he isnt there- b.c truly he isnt.
Searching and tripping
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 1,194
Hi Sarah,
I think a lot of us went into our marriages either not knowing it was a problem or thinking we could "fix it". Don't be too hard on yourself.
I came from a dysfunctional family. Didn't know that until I was 49. Now I look back and say, OMG were they screwed up!!! No wonder I married an alcoholic. But that was then and we're much wiser now.
I'd bet there are plenty of meetings in the DC, MD or VA area you can attend. Getting help for yourself is of the utmost importance now. Find literature, get a sponsor and post here a thousand times a day. This site works wonders. I don't know the age of your little ones, but there are meetings geared for kiddles too.
Take care and post with us. You're not alone in this. Not here!!!
Blessings,
I think a lot of us went into our marriages either not knowing it was a problem or thinking we could "fix it". Don't be too hard on yourself.
I came from a dysfunctional family. Didn't know that until I was 49. Now I look back and say, OMG were they screwed up!!! No wonder I married an alcoholic. But that was then and we're much wiser now.
I'd bet there are plenty of meetings in the DC, MD or VA area you can attend. Getting help for yourself is of the utmost importance now. Find literature, get a sponsor and post here a thousand times a day. This site works wonders. I don't know the age of your little ones, but there are meetings geared for kiddles too.
Take care and post with us. You're not alone in this. Not here!!!
Blessings,
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Ma
Posts: 145
Sarah,
It is a difficult pill to have to swallow. I am not advocating this but if you do leave him what is the problem? He sees the kids 1 day a week ans 2 weekends a month. They are around him everyday now. This is not good. I wonder at what point by staying are we 'self-inflicting" the pain. Rethink your options. They probably are not as limited as you think.........
It is a difficult pill to have to swallow. I am not advocating this but if you do leave him what is the problem? He sees the kids 1 day a week ans 2 weekends a month. They are around him everyday now. This is not good. I wonder at what point by staying are we 'self-inflicting" the pain. Rethink your options. They probably are not as limited as you think.........
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: a state of unrest
Posts: 383
He has always been a big drinker.....We met when we were kids (16)
He comes from a
good family which I later found out is full of alcoholics.......
good family which I later found out is full of alcoholics.......
we have 3 kids now and now married 7 years, he is way worse than he was then- I walked down the aisle thinking it was all fine- he was surely going to outgrow that behavior, as most of us can and do- But he didnt. He progressively got worse-
It hurt the kids, hurt me, left me burning the candle at both ends, working myself to death for what? I barely saw my kids- the sitters became their mom-
So I came back, decided to wait til they are older- but 6 months into it, I wish I had just stayed away.........His disease eats at my heart all day every day- I regret the choices I made in my 20s and wish so much that I had the sense then that I do now. I wish I could just stop caring -then it wouldnt hurt me, right? The kids dont seem to realize what is it he is doing to us....
So I came back, decided to wait til they are older- but 6 months into it, I wish I had just stayed away.........His disease eats at my heart all day every day- I regret the choices I made in my 20s and wish so much that I had the sense then that I do now. I wish I could just stop caring -then it wouldnt hurt me, right? The kids dont seem to realize what is it he is doing to us....
I totally relate to everything you wrote, I'm in the same place you are. I have gotten better, not so upset at things he does or doesn't do. I still haven't decided if I'm staying or leaving. Just try to get to alanon and keep coming here and reading and posting.
Mindi
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Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Buffalo, NY
Posts: 8
I hear you guys loud and clear. You're all very strong people for surviving and hanging in there. I have a lot of respect for you after reading your posts in here.
I'm not satying I can relate, but I'd like to share a story which is along the same lines.
I was with a girl for two years, on and off. Really great girl in the beginning with a beautiful, ultra-cool 3-year old daughter. I loved them both so much almost right away, it didn;t take long at all. I got to know her little girl so well over the two years that she became one of my best friends.
My girlfriend, on the other hand, had a lot of problems which I noticed getting worse over the course of our relationship. SHe loved smoking pot. ALl the time. Wake and bake, you know what I mean. And when she wasn't working, she was in bed. I'd be the one hanging out with and playing with her daughter. I swear that's why she kept me around, so she wouldn't have to spend time with her kid. She knew I'd always do it.
She was never a big drinker, she prefered to be high. I smoked with her on occassion, but I always prefered a beer to a joint any day. I didn;t like getting high, and I knew she had a problem with that.
Well, we also used to go hang out at a club downtown we both liked. And she'd go out onto the back patio several times during the night to smoke with random pot-smokers. I'd usually stay inside, cuz it was winter and I figured I'd giver her her space. Turns out she was getting high with random guys on the patio,. and then taking them into the bathroom with her for coke and other "activities". Well, she got 2 STD's because of it. Thank God I came away from that relationship clean.
We broke up, which is a godsend for me, because I was always trying to be her support. I would have probably been a fool and married her if I had had the chance. If only for her daughter, who is the one suffering.
A month after we broke up she married her dealer. I saw her over the weekend, she looked worse than ever.
I've never personally had a problem with any sort of substance abuse...be it alcohol, which I drink in strict moderation, or drugs of any sort. But I seem to attract those who do.
I'm not satying I can relate, but I'd like to share a story which is along the same lines.
I was with a girl for two years, on and off. Really great girl in the beginning with a beautiful, ultra-cool 3-year old daughter. I loved them both so much almost right away, it didn;t take long at all. I got to know her little girl so well over the two years that she became one of my best friends.
My girlfriend, on the other hand, had a lot of problems which I noticed getting worse over the course of our relationship. SHe loved smoking pot. ALl the time. Wake and bake, you know what I mean. And when she wasn't working, she was in bed. I'd be the one hanging out with and playing with her daughter. I swear that's why she kept me around, so she wouldn't have to spend time with her kid. She knew I'd always do it.
She was never a big drinker, she prefered to be high. I smoked with her on occassion, but I always prefered a beer to a joint any day. I didn;t like getting high, and I knew she had a problem with that.
Well, we also used to go hang out at a club downtown we both liked. And she'd go out onto the back patio several times during the night to smoke with random pot-smokers. I'd usually stay inside, cuz it was winter and I figured I'd giver her her space. Turns out she was getting high with random guys on the patio,. and then taking them into the bathroom with her for coke and other "activities". Well, she got 2 STD's because of it. Thank God I came away from that relationship clean.
We broke up, which is a godsend for me, because I was always trying to be her support. I would have probably been a fool and married her if I had had the chance. If only for her daughter, who is the one suffering.
A month after we broke up she married her dealer. I saw her over the weekend, she looked worse than ever.
I've never personally had a problem with any sort of substance abuse...be it alcohol, which I drink in strict moderation, or drugs of any sort. But I seem to attract those who do.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
"Wake and bake" ... I like that ... can definitely relate
I'm married to someone who goes on an all-out bender every single weekend. It's been at least six months since he's come to the table sober on a Friday, Saturday, or Sunday night. Sometimes he doesn't come to the table at all. Addiction of any kind is a progressive disease. What happens is they all get worse over time or hit bottom and seek recovery.
An addict builds up the ability to use more physically and also becomes more focused mentally on the addictive agent. Sometimes they use less after a long time but behave in a crazier manner. It's a disease of mind and body, so both their behavior and their physiology suffer after so much abuse.
An addict builds up the ability to use more physically and also becomes more focused mentally on the addictive agent. Sometimes they use less after a long time but behave in a crazier manner. It's a disease of mind and body, so both their behavior and their physiology suffer after so much abuse.
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
So much for crying in our beer.
Wishing someone dead is not a good place to be. We have lost a few on this board and trust me...it is not what any of us really wants. I personally lost a loved one to heroin and I hope none of you have to live with that.
Focusing on all the bad is a sure way to stay exactly where you are...I prefer to move on with the help of my program and the dear people here and elsewhere who share that passion with me.
JT
Wishing someone dead is not a good place to be. We have lost a few on this board and trust me...it is not what any of us really wants. I personally lost a loved one to heroin and I hope none of you have to live with that.
Focusing on all the bad is a sure way to stay exactly where you are...I prefer to move on with the help of my program and the dear people here and elsewhere who share that passion with me.
JT
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: NOT in love thank goodness
Posts: 115
Oh Piper what a sad story. Just one thought, not sure which STD"s your gf had but if it is herpes or HPV you might have it and just not be having symptoms and there is no test for HPV. I know, I have it. And I got it from my bf (only possibility) and he never had not to this day still has no symptoms. If you have been exposed at all ...please talk to an urologist that is knowledgable about STD's. Just for the sake of future of partners. Most men have no HPV symptoms. I apologize for hijakcing the thread and also for preaching. And I don't mean to scare you. You may have gotten very lucky and not gotten those awful things from her. I'm praying you didn't. That poor little girl. Glad she had you for a firend for a while.
NOw back to Sarah. Can you afford to consult with a reputable attorney. Or ask to interview potential attorneys. I'm just not sure that there isn't a way to stipulate supervised vistiation in this case. But you would need legal counsel. And obviously I'm not that. As a mother, I perfectly see your point. I would NOT wnat my kids alone with this man in his current state. But it sure seems like you still should have some other options. Your life sounds miserable. I think you need to fight harder for yourself and your kids. Don't remain stuck like this. Sorry to give advice. I just feel for you.
NOw back to Sarah. Can you afford to consult with a reputable attorney. Or ask to interview potential attorneys. I'm just not sure that there isn't a way to stipulate supervised vistiation in this case. But you would need legal counsel. And obviously I'm not that. As a mother, I perfectly see your point. I would NOT wnat my kids alone with this man in his current state. But it sure seems like you still should have some other options. Your life sounds miserable. I think you need to fight harder for yourself and your kids. Don't remain stuck like this. Sorry to give advice. I just feel for you.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 105
Does he have anything to do with the kids now. It is a possiblitiy that he will not bother to come get them during his allotted time. Mine is and has been sober for over a year and does not bother taking the kids on his weekends. If he gets them its when I call him and say "Hey, why not take the kids this weekend?"
His responce when he comes to get them is "And why am I taking them this weekend?" DAH !!!!!!!!!!!!!
On the other hand the kids are not calling him and asking to go with him either. I guess after all these years of just having mom even though dad was around has had an effect on them. It seems that they don't miss him and he does'nt miss them. SAD
Take care,
His responce when he comes to get them is "And why am I taking them this weekend?" DAH !!!!!!!!!!!!!
On the other hand the kids are not calling him and asking to go with him either. I guess after all these years of just having mom even though dad was around has had an effect on them. It seems that they don't miss him and he does'nt miss them. SAD
Take care,
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
Welcome to SoberRecovey, Sarah and Piper.
Sarah: I agree with the last poster--contact an attorney and see if you can get the courts to agree to supervised visitation only. I know he's their father, but what are some judges thinking these days? Also, if you haven't checked out an Alanon meeting yet, I strongly urge you to do so. It will help you let go of your anger. It takes a lot of energy to maintain that level of anger and it's very draining emotionally and physically. Alanon meetings will help you learn how to "let go and let God," so you can move forward in your life and find peace. I also noticed that we're neighbors, so hiya neighbor!
Piper: I'm so happy you found the strength to end your relationship with your AGF, but what a shame for her little girl. I'll say some prayers for that precious little one. Now, perhaps it's the food-aholic in me, but when you said "wake and bake," I thought, "hey I guess I'm not the only one who wakes up in the morning and immediately bakes a cake!" DOH!!
Sarah: I agree with the last poster--contact an attorney and see if you can get the courts to agree to supervised visitation only. I know he's their father, but what are some judges thinking these days? Also, if you haven't checked out an Alanon meeting yet, I strongly urge you to do so. It will help you let go of your anger. It takes a lot of energy to maintain that level of anger and it's very draining emotionally and physically. Alanon meetings will help you learn how to "let go and let God," so you can move forward in your life and find peace. I also noticed that we're neighbors, so hiya neighbor!
Piper: I'm so happy you found the strength to end your relationship with your AGF, but what a shame for her little girl. I'll say some prayers for that precious little one. Now, perhaps it's the food-aholic in me, but when you said "wake and bake," I thought, "hey I guess I'm not the only one who wakes up in the morning and immediately bakes a cake!" DOH!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: DC Metro area
Posts: 22
thanks for your support all
I appreciate all the responses. I guess I am pretty angry huh? Its crazy that it was consumed me this much, I hardly notice the anger. Its just who I have become. I will try to work on it. Reading so many other threads helps me to see how many others are going thru this and that is helping me calm down.
I guess I just feel cheated out of what will all could have had if I wasnt addicted to everything he touches. Amazingly, he has worked 3 days in a row this week.
That is a freakin record! I keep track because he doesnt even realize how unproductive he is most of the time. This is the first week in 6 months he has worked 3 days in a row. Usually after one or two at most he'll take 3 days off and sleep all day-high all night.
As for the attorneys advice, thanks but I have seriously had the best- I am talking the higest paid lawyer I could find with a 100% record- she won my case and got me 2,000 a month in support, but the supervised visits- not necessary says the judge cuz UNTIL he is proven to endanger them during a visit-they wont listen to my fears-
So what, I pay 5,000 for a PI to watch him sleeping all day with the kids there? I have already spent all I can on attorneys etc...
I dont even work anymore which is probably half the reason he irritates me so. But I see him acting like a loser TOO much. When I moved back, paying 1,800-2,000 for daycare seemed a bit much- I fugured I might as well stay home til atleast next fall when our second to youngest goes to school.
I definetly have anger issues, but what really bothers me is all the warning signs were there, even before I married him. Why did I go on to have 3 kids with him!!!! And to be honest, none of them were planned, our sex life is
nearly nonexistent b/c I am no longer attracted to him- so the rare occasions usually left me with child...........Thank God I do love them, so there are no resentments there atleast.
I think if I left and just found someone else to love I would be ok, but my kids would not. They seem to get the short end of the stick no matter what I do.
They deserve there daddy to be a good one. I just dont think its gonna happen. Do any of you know people who have seen and lived it to end up happy or is it a given that this will never be a good life for us.
I guess I just feel cheated out of what will all could have had if I wasnt addicted to everything he touches. Amazingly, he has worked 3 days in a row this week.
That is a freakin record! I keep track because he doesnt even realize how unproductive he is most of the time. This is the first week in 6 months he has worked 3 days in a row. Usually after one or two at most he'll take 3 days off and sleep all day-high all night.
As for the attorneys advice, thanks but I have seriously had the best- I am talking the higest paid lawyer I could find with a 100% record- she won my case and got me 2,000 a month in support, but the supervised visits- not necessary says the judge cuz UNTIL he is proven to endanger them during a visit-they wont listen to my fears-
So what, I pay 5,000 for a PI to watch him sleeping all day with the kids there? I have already spent all I can on attorneys etc...
I dont even work anymore which is probably half the reason he irritates me so. But I see him acting like a loser TOO much. When I moved back, paying 1,800-2,000 for daycare seemed a bit much- I fugured I might as well stay home til atleast next fall when our second to youngest goes to school.
I definetly have anger issues, but what really bothers me is all the warning signs were there, even before I married him. Why did I go on to have 3 kids with him!!!! And to be honest, none of them were planned, our sex life is
nearly nonexistent b/c I am no longer attracted to him- so the rare occasions usually left me with child...........Thank God I do love them, so there are no resentments there atleast.
I think if I left and just found someone else to love I would be ok, but my kids would not. They seem to get the short end of the stick no matter what I do.
They deserve there daddy to be a good one. I just dont think its gonna happen. Do any of you know people who have seen and lived it to end up happy or is it a given that this will never be a good life for us.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: DC Metro area
Posts: 22
One more thing....
Oh, I forgot to answer about his activity with the kids...
Well, when we live here it is next to nothing. But when I left for a year-
he came over all the time- too much- called nonstop- b/c you see he is home
alot laying in his loathingness so he calls me all day and night.
Complains about not seeing the kids, but he uses them to get to me.
Gets them on the phone or in person and asked 500 questions about what I am doing. I guess the drugs make him a control freak and paranoid.
I have been with him so long- never cheated-never- but he has always been
the type to doubt and question everything- he's probably the cheater if I had to guess. Although he swears he is not a cheat. there is no reason for him to be soo paranoid about me then, right?
I have never cheated b/c I think it would screw up my kids even more to see
another man in their life that way- My parents divorced when I was 16 and I hated their counterparts even though they were good people. You just want your real parents and we all know it. I cant hurt them more than they already are.
I make sure they get lots of exposure to good men at church activities and they see my dad who may be the last decent man alive.............
So, the answer is yes, when I leave him he is trying to take the kids alot to upset me and hurt me for leaving-he uses it as leavage-he will take them around people that he KNOWS I would never tolerate if I were there.
I tried it- we had a place on our own and our divorce would have been final that week, but I was so afraid for their safety without me there and I was afraid we'd be homeless if he didnt pay the support. He used that against me all the time too. He'd purposely pay late and screw all my stuff up and pay it all often enough that my lawyer couldnt take it back to court.
Well, when we live here it is next to nothing. But when I left for a year-
he came over all the time- too much- called nonstop- b/c you see he is home
alot laying in his loathingness so he calls me all day and night.
Complains about not seeing the kids, but he uses them to get to me.
Gets them on the phone or in person and asked 500 questions about what I am doing. I guess the drugs make him a control freak and paranoid.
I have been with him so long- never cheated-never- but he has always been
the type to doubt and question everything- he's probably the cheater if I had to guess. Although he swears he is not a cheat. there is no reason for him to be soo paranoid about me then, right?
I have never cheated b/c I think it would screw up my kids even more to see
another man in their life that way- My parents divorced when I was 16 and I hated their counterparts even though they were good people. You just want your real parents and we all know it. I cant hurt them more than they already are.
I make sure they get lots of exposure to good men at church activities and they see my dad who may be the last decent man alive.............
So, the answer is yes, when I leave him he is trying to take the kids alot to upset me and hurt me for leaving-he uses it as leavage-he will take them around people that he KNOWS I would never tolerate if I were there.
I tried it- we had a place on our own and our divorce would have been final that week, but I was so afraid for their safety without me there and I was afraid we'd be homeless if he didnt pay the support. He used that against me all the time too. He'd purposely pay late and screw all my stuff up and pay it all often enough that my lawyer couldnt take it back to court.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: NOT in love thank goodness
Posts: 115
well SArah, no wonder you are so angry. I'm angry now. What a frustrating position. HE has you hostage. Anyone with any ideas?? Only thing I can say is do NOT beat yourself up for not "seeing the real him" sooner. really. I have found that there are people who are real good at being charming and luring you in. THen once they feel you are captive.....the real them comes out.
I can tell you that my kids love me and their dad. But they do NOT want us back together. They hate being with him. He's mentally abusive, boring, lazy. They aren't in danger when with him. But they could do wtih seeing him twice a eyar probably. But they go EOW as stipulated in the divorce decree. They survive it somehow. And they are doing SOOOO much better since we've divorced. I shutter to think what thye would be like if I stayed married to him and they were still living with him every day of their lives. And they do NOT mind who I date. They find it interesting to meet new people. THey have put their "order" in for a man with an older son. They want a big brother. Made me laugh!! So not all kids fit the stereotype of pining for thier parents to be back together, hating step parents, etc.
I'm really sorry to hear you already went the legal route and got nowhere. So he has to HURT the kids first?? GEEZ...what a system. If you don't work and he rarely works, what the heck do you live off of? I take it he hasn't been arrested for DUI or posession?? You are between a rock and a hard place. I'm being no help...but I want to be.
I can tell you that my kids love me and their dad. But they do NOT want us back together. They hate being with him. He's mentally abusive, boring, lazy. They aren't in danger when with him. But they could do wtih seeing him twice a eyar probably. But they go EOW as stipulated in the divorce decree. They survive it somehow. And they are doing SOOOO much better since we've divorced. I shutter to think what thye would be like if I stayed married to him and they were still living with him every day of their lives. And they do NOT mind who I date. They find it interesting to meet new people. THey have put their "order" in for a man with an older son. They want a big brother. Made me laugh!! So not all kids fit the stereotype of pining for thier parents to be back together, hating step parents, etc.
I'm really sorry to hear you already went the legal route and got nowhere. So he has to HURT the kids first?? GEEZ...what a system. If you don't work and he rarely works, what the heck do you live off of? I take it he hasn't been arrested for DUI or posession?? You are between a rock and a hard place. I'm being no help...but I want to be.
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