walkingtheline

to keep myself from opening the front door and start chucking his clothes out.

I've told him repeatedly we're done. Please leave. Instead he says goes off on a drama speech. It's not so bad, he has a job, he pays half the rent, WTF am I so upset about yada yada yada. And then of course there's the final "I'll do better."

I went shopping with my daughter yesterday. Came home, he's gone. Gone all night. Came in at 6 am, slept in clothes, got up, changed shoes (no shower, no clothes change, no teeth brushing BLECH!) and out the door he goes again...around noon. 6 pm back in the door, takes some money out of his drawer, out the door one more time.

I go out for a burger. Come back, he's passed out in center of the bed, in all his clothes, snoring and sleeping on a full ashtray. In the center of my desk is a pathetic bundle of flowers, maybe 6 stems tied with something that I SWEAR resembles a piece of a man's t shirt.

I don't want flowers. I want my life...a life without booze or drama or all this other crap. This just SUCKS!

FormerDoormat

Oh, Walking, what a miserable thing to come home to. I can see why you want to chuck his clothes out the door, and him, too. I don't know your specific living arrangement. Is the lease in your name or both your names? If it's in your name only or you are the sole owner of your home, then you can send him a certified letter telling him that he has 30 days to vacate the premises and failure to do so will result in him being forcibly removed from your home (by the local police).

I had to do the same thing about a week ago. I've asked my AB to leave repeatedly over the last 6 months, but instead of finding a new place to live, he behaves for a week or so in an attempt to make me feel guilty and then weasels his way back into my good graces. Once he's comfortable, he's right back up to his old tricks.

It finallly dawned on me that he's NOT going to leave of his own accord, so I had to rely on harsher methods. In my case, I am the sole owner of my house, so this is a legal way for me to have him forcibly removed from my home. (I don't want him taking me to court later for illegally forcing him out of my home, and although that's a remote possibility, it's one I don't want to have to deal with.)

This method would work for you as a renter, if your name is the only name on the lease. If both names are on the lease, the first step for you would be to have his name removed from the lease. Then you can take harsher measures to force him to leave if need be.

I know exactly how you feel. It's no way to live. We both deserve so much more than this. Stay strong, stay focused, stay determined to live a life free from the effects of alcoholism.

Dee at Mt Bully

Walking--I feel so bad for you--I guess that I should not be complaining that my
AH is divorcing me--at least I'm no longer living with his alcoholism--I agree with
Former it sounds like you should take the necessary steps to evict him. He won't leave on his own--it's to easy to just use your home as a flop house and miss treat you.
Maybe if you call a womans shelter they can help explain your legal rights. I realize
you haven't mentioned physical abuse but they help with a lot of issues. Certainly
this is a very unhealthy enviroment for you--hugs and prayers--Dee

smoke gets in my eyes

Um... just asking. Is there any reason you should not open the front door and throw his clothes out? Are you really serious about wanting him gone? I ask because I made a lot of pronouncements with Dino that I didn't have the strength to stand behind, and he knew that perfectly well. I didn't have the strength to stand behind them because it was not what I really wanted. It was what I thought I should want. It was what I thought a sane person would want and I wanted to act sane. It did get to a point where I honestly did want him to go. I was scared and fed up. And that is when he went. But he knew when I was bluffing. Or maybe not so much bluffing as kidding myself. I didn't want him to leave, I wanted him to change. I thought telling him I wanted him to leave would make him change. But as nutty as even I thought it was, for a long time my real preference was to have him there on drugs over having him gone. That changed. But until it did he knew he didn't have to take me seriously.

So... if you're nothing like me, there are some really good pointers above for getting a bum out of your house. If you're something like me, let's talk about how you live more sanely if you're going to live with this for awhile.

Now I have to tell you, I intensely feel your frustration and I know you're in hell, but I did just laugh out loud at the flowers tied up in a t-shirt scrap. Rotten as it is, it does give us some great stories to tell.

HUGS!
Smoke

walkingtheline

But, before this week is over I WILL find a solution. This has got to stop and stop now!

Thank you all for your understanding...I'm so thankful for this place and all the voices heard here.