wraybear

The lesson I learned last night...

I have always been a person that was able to keep the faith, and knew that their would be a blessing in the midst of a crisis - even when I had no idea what the blessing would be and the blessing may not become apparent for months or years.

But, not this time. This time I guess I actually lost faith - I didn't even realize it in the midst of this most recent "crisis." I actually LOST FAITH!
Last night, this fact hit me like a ton of bricks. And as my AH's stepmother and stepfather were so upset with my AH, I kept reminding them that this should be looked at as a blessing (my AH's horrible downward spiral progressively over these past 3 months and this past week).

A peace finally filled my body, mind and spirit. I am so glad that God hit me over the head and gave me this peace. I will try to remember this horrible doubting, unfaithfulness and how horrible I have felt as a reminder to KEEP THE FAITH!

And, the other lesson I learned this week is that I create my own chaos. Regardless of what AH was doing... I created my own chaos... yes, AH started it by his dissappearing act, but it was MY faith that was lost and MY unhealthiness that caused worry, lack of sleep, which spiraled into impatience with kids, impatience at work, etc.

Please pray for me that I stay strong and keep my faith.

Please pray for my children that they don't suffer from "daddy" being gone so long and from mommy being a basketcase this week.

Please pray for AH to get to the long term care facility that he has finally decided to go to. they don't have a bed available until Monday, so pray for his safety and the safety of others as he is still "out and about"

Blessings to all of you, I hope everyone can trust that a blessing will be coming to them even in the midst of chaos.

Gabe

Oh Wray, I think perhaps it was National Faith Testing Week, I really do.
It's a very bleak feeling when you get to the point where you don't think faith is all it's cracked up to be. Or that it's going to get you anywhere.
I believe the theologians call this "a crisis of faith".
When my faith in outside forces grows dim, I have to turn it inward.
And concetrate on the power in me to get where I need to be.
I'm holding good thoughts for you, your kids and your AH.

best

We are human.
In my dealings with life, I doubted many things.
When I doubted and didn't trust God, He still stood by me and once again showed me His faithfulness. With each time He showed me, my faith grew.
As we learn, see, and remember such times... Our faith grows stronger.
The silver lineing to the moment you tell of... a stronger faith has come from it.
A growth in trust of God.
Moses was guided through the desert for 40 years.
The reason (in part) was so the people would grow their faith and trust in God.
It wasn't an overnight happening.
Remember this day if doubt comes to your doorstep again.

JessicaNAJ

I too have lost the meaning of Faith. Your post made me realize that instead of turning to my AH for guidance I was turning to my AH for answers, thus leading to chaos.

Thank you Wray - I feel a little sunshine in my heart

Dee at Mt Bully

Wray as always you are a living beacon--sometimes I feel completely lost and
here you are sharing about faith--your faith--your children are lucky to have you
and we here at Sr are also. I know that after reading your post I will dig a little
deeper into my own soul--Thank you --Dee

MysticCat

(((Wray))), I have often lost my faith, so here is what I did ~ I named my middle child Faith ~ now I am reminded everyday that I cant lose it ever again! May you have a much better week!
Blessings,
MysticCat

ahcb

Wraybear,

Not once, Have I read what you have written and not come away from your message a little better than i was going in.......thank you