rara

ahcb, I will do this if I can, I have thought of it. I don't mean that to sound weak--I am talking about if he goes somewhere, I don't know when he's coming back or maybe even exactly who he's with, specific location, etc. so I CAN'T call the cops, they told me they can't do anything unless they catch him in the car. I asked them if they could arrest him if he got out of the car and came into the house and he was drunk, and they said NO. So they'd need to know where he is, when, etc. , and I also won't know if he is going to be drunk. Lots of gray areas. I was shocked when he drove drunk after the business dinner--I only knew the town he was going to, nothing else--and I did not expect it at all. I actually don't worry when he is at a business function because that is when he DOESN'T drink too much!

I do know a couple of places he may likely go and drink and drive--family--so I could try that but would have to give them a time window??? DUI laws are tough when thy're caught, but it seems pretty tough to GET caught here. It is very tricky. I agree that I am guilty too if I do nothing. I think I may need to call another cop? and see if they give me any more info.

rara

Daffodil, as I said to ahcb I am working on finding my way around the laws...I will call the cops if he is drinking and driving as long as I know he is and they can get him.

thanks to all

rara

Dreamcatcher,

Yes, as I have said several times-- it is often after the fact--- but I will be vigilant.
I will check into the protective issues. I have a car of my own in my name/policy so that should help at least. ? Maybe not. Still need to check. I may be completely ignorant about this stuff.

Also, I am thinking of you. I want my A to get caught BEFORE anything happens and lose his license, go to drunk school, whatever, but I would be devastated, even with all the pain and anger that my A causes, watching him go off to jail for 2 years. I am sorry for what you are going through. There but for the grace...

Thanks for your thoughts.

Sherella

Rara,
I do find myself in a position I would rather not be in, but I know that my children would help me, and they have when I ask them.
But I try not to burden them, since they are young and have responsibilities of their own. Since he resumed drinking, they feel frustrated with him, that he is so unwilling to help himself, and there is always that fine line of when and how to help, without him beginning to rely on their help. I am looking at another year of surgery. which I am dreading, but if it will make me ambulatory, then it will be worth it.

It's good that you are talking about this with his family even if they deny it, they still have the information rolling around in their heads, just keep talking about it, not because you can change their minds, but because its healthy to get it out in the open, we enable them when we keep secrets, and by exposing it, we let every one know where the responsibility really lies. If you grow up in a house where everything is a secret, no one knows how to handle the truth, when it's revealed to them. It is much easier to continue to believe the lie, because their not use to hearing the truth and because the truth makes them feel uncomfortable. We learn by hearing things over and over again, if you continue to talk about things that have been kept secret, eventually they may become more receptive, but even if they don't you are becoming a stronger person for it. You may be an ant at the bottom of the hill, but there is no better soldier in the world. I'd say you were in good company.

Sherella

Dreamcatcher,

Thank you for the valuable information, I knew none of it, but I am going to write everything down and make sure I find out about house, insurance, cars, etc. Your a blessing in disquise. I can't thank you enough. Sherella.