renee18

I have been appliying for college and got accepted at Ashland. I am going to live on campus. My parents say I can't live on campus. Yes I can. I need to live on campus. I am 19 yrs. old. I need to be on my own. I want to be on my own. It is really scarey I admit that and i think my parents are just as scared as I am but i need to move on with my life. If I don't live on campus. I stop growing. i love my parents to death but i need to get out of my house and be on my own. Well I got my hosing papers this week. I did not tell my mom that i got them. I just filled them out and I sent them today. My mom has no idea that i did this. I feel bad now for doing that. I don't want to hurt my mom but I need to make my own decisions How do I tell my mom that I am living on campus? If it were me I would not tell her til I was leaving for college but i know I can't do that.
Love,
Shana

best

As a parent my first words to my daughter would be...who is paying for your college? My money...my rules.
You want to grow and do on your own...do it with your money and see what it is like in FULL measure.

OK now as a person who has been there and done that....
College can be tough enough that I would rather take the easy way and stay at home... I will have my whole life ahaed of me to prove I can do it after school is finished.
Learning to work smart rather then hard is also a growth of life.
A lesson that it took me a while to learn. STUBBORN is my middle name. Took me a long time to stop banging my head on the wall just to prove I could do it.

Now if you are paying for your own schooling... that is a whole other side to things.
Still why work hard when you can work smart?

Live

As a mother, I like to support and respect the needs of my daughter. But I do always ask for honesty. Part of learning to grow up is being allowed to make decisions and sometimes this is hard for us moms to do. We want to protect you and we think we know best. But love is unconditional, and it says I will love you and support your choices even if I may not agree.
But, first, be honest...that is how you earn trust.

Live

I do not believe in using love and/or resources as weapons or tools of control.

renee18

Thanks guys I know i need to be honest. It is hard to be homest with my mom when she does not support me. I am going to tell my mom the truth and let it go form there. I need to learn how to talk to my mom or it is going to be a rough time for me and my mom. I respect the mom ponit of view.I really do not know if my parents will help me pay ofr college. I know i will be working while attending colege to help pay for my education. I know it will be tough at college but I have never taking the easy way in life I think this is something that will help me grow now and challenge me and help me deal with my other struggles in my life.
Love,
Shana

Live

I do not know your home situation. I can only offer my hugs and support. And congratulations for being accepted, and for doing the work yourself to follow your path of growth.

StandingStrong

I know that I recognize your name, but I too, can't remember your home situation. However, I think it's really important that you talk to your mom. Try really hard to explain your point of view without it becoming a power struggle and a huge fight (yes, I know, easier said than done). Communication is so very important in these kind of situations.
I also have to say that if it were me as the parent and I was paying for the education, I'd want to have a say in where my daughter lived while attending college. I'm sure that your mother has heard about the parties, the loss of virtues, etc that happen in colleges and that is a big concern of hers for your safety and well being.
Some people have a hard time explaining how they feel and I wonder if this is part of the problem between your mother and you. My mother, while not an alcoholic, has all the symptoms of being one as she is a child of an alcoholic. So I can understand the stress you feel if you are trying to communicate with an alcoholic concerning your needs.
I wish you luck as this will be a very hard discussion and time for you both.

Live

I so disagree. I believe that daughter has demonstrated that she is making wise choices to pursue a univeristy degree and understands the commitment and is willing to do the work.
Anyone who wants to get into trouble can do it anywhere, right under your nose at home.
Using the money to oppress and control does not work out well in the long run.
It is an obstacle to love.

If, forbid, there are problems later, they should be addressed at that time.

Love and trust walk hand in hand.

She doesn't even know if her folks are going to help her finance her education.

The girl has a lot of guts. And the maturity to plan for her future, and think of her growth.

We know alot of people several times her age here who have never developed that.

The beginning of a fruitful future is a plan.

If you were 10 or 13 years old, I sure would have the hand in telling you what is permissible or not. But we must let out children grow into capable adults and fly from the nest or we cripple them.

hugs,
live

cwohio

shana - i think you had it right - you need to communicate with your mom - everyone needs to start somewhere. i am not a good communicator myself - maybe has to do with my being ACOA. maybe you guys can compromise. i know you want to continue your recovery and getting out on your own seems like an opportunity. whatever happens, our h/p will guide you and will show you the way!

hugs - cwohio

renee18

Thanks guys. I understand where all you are coming from. JUst to remind some of you of my home life in short is my dad is my alcoholic and my mom is just trying to do the best she can. Money is a little tight but things have gotton better in the past two months. Me on the other hand have many issues that need time to work out. Thanks for all you sharing with me.
LOve,
Shana