mamasmitty

Well, another night, and I am alone again. I think he has been at the bar 5 out of the last 6 nights! I noticed today that his eyes were sort of puffy, and his face and neck were splotchy. (like you would look if you were having an alergic reaction to something). I thought I had read something about that being a start of kidney failer. I don't know. Well, I will just sit here and play the "Myst" game that my son's bought me for Christmas and watch TV. No smokie bar here! Have a good evening you all!

frankly

mamasmitty - you aren't alone. We are here! Quick grab the bom bom's no one will know!

Love and Hugs to you hun from a fellow alonie.

B

mamasmitty

Its nice to know I am not alone!

StandingStrong

You know what - I spent alot of nights alone as well and I know how you feel.
Ironically, now that AH and I are split up, I still spend a great deal at home. But it's different now. I'm not angry that he "has a life" (that's how I used to feel) and yet never wanted to do anything with me and the kids. It used to make me so angry that he'd go out drinking w/ his buddies and yet only want to sit home when he was here. Now I feel that I have a choice if I want to stay home or not, and most of the time, I do stay home and I don't mind it near as much. lol, ironic really.
The point I'm trying to get too is something that I wish I would have done long long ago. And that being - I hope you focus on you! If you want to go out and do something, then by all means - go do something!!! Sounds to me like it's time to focus on YOU and what YOU want!

Live

You aren't alone, we are all hooked up here, but standing strong is right, if you want to be with people, why get up and go! What's the difference?
I like being alone, I am very spoiled with it, I only do what I want to when I want to and how I want to.
My bf is going to be here and stay for 2 months, we have never spent that much time together, always had our own homes, so I am wondering about how two loners are going to adapt to 60 days straight in a row of each other. I'll bet one of the second things we do is adapt for our own space.

hope2bhappy

Don't fret. You're probaby much better company for yourself than he would be.

bacchaeD

weird.. my spouse is home.. but I feel like he's gone... he's drinking and he's extra chatty .. that is irritating..
I wish he were at the bar.. or at one of his brothers' houses..
that way .. I could just pretend everything was normal.

I could pretend he didn't really have a problem, and our family was just normal. and all was peachy keen bitchen.

and I feel so dang whiney.. I mean .. why don't I just say .. look, stop drinking..or get out.
money?.. I'm not ready to "leave" yet so .. why say it if I don't mean it..


feeling alone.. but not..

so I'm on chat and the various boards..and so glad the youngest is sleeping and unaware of right now.. and the older two are out of the house tonight.


I'll just hang..
and ignore his chatter..
and pretend my life is just wonderful. everything is going exactly how I want it.. no really . it is ugh.. I'm feeling so pathetic.

Live

he's not even noticing it is a monologue, right? There is a little bit of humor in that.
I can see ya....saying uh-huh now and then.

mamasmitty

StandingStrong, I know what you mean. When my AH and I were apart (we are devorced, but back together) I could have gone out many nights if I wanted to, but just wanted to be at home. Seemed like too much effort, and I could be at home and comfortable watching what I wanted to on tv and wearing whatever I wanted and doing whatever I liked! I think that is when I started to love myself! I became my own best friend! It was one of my greatest revilutions!
bacchaeD, I know what you mean all around! My A is Chatty ALL the time! I swear he just likes to hear himself talk. Its like a baby who is babbling just to hear himself! As much as I HATE it, when he is NOT doing it, it usually means that he is in a bad mood, and I will have to put up with THAT! Can't win! So I detatch. He follows me around the house a lot too. Does yours do that? I believe it is his insecurity.

1sunshine2

I was miserable because he gave me the cold shoulder when he wasn't drinking. Because of course the only reason he wasn't drinking was because I complained and he was proving he could do without. But he made every day miserable when he was sober. And every day miserable when he was drunk....at least now that he is gone. I am only miserable when I make myself miserable...and I can stop it at any time....I couldn't stop anything when he was here.....so I know how you are feeling. Sort of left out and all...but I guess the alternative for me was worse....keep your chin up...ya know I did go out to dinner one night with a girlfriend. I was home by 8pm...my mom lives next door, and she called my daughter and said your mom went out with a friend tonite...then called her back when she saw me come home, and said well it's 8pm and she's already home...well she tried.....when you get ready to go out of the house for a bit...remember 1 hour at a time...you will regain what you have lost of yourself...an hour at a time...I am about up to 2 hours at a time now....big hugs to you...........

rara

A couple of months ago my husband was drunk and we were with many of his family members. He made a fool of himself but also humiliated me--talking about sex and that Viagra didn't work (implying it was my fault). I was furious and snapped at him, "Why DOESN'T it work???" (wonder why he has performance problems??) This behavior is new--humiliating me in public.

It was awkward and humiliating. I know he looked bad, so what I decided to do was ignore it, never brought it up, figuring what was the point? He'd deny it or wouldn't remember it. I thought I was detaching, letting him see what a fool he made of himself (in general). He was embarassed about the whole night but we never discussed it. He stopped drinking for a while after that. As another big family event approaches, I am dreading him doing something similar. I feel like such a #$$#%!! victim, so mad that I didn't say more. His family was a little uncomfortable when I saw them next. I feel so foolish.

Is this detachment or "just" emotional abuse that I took as the true codependent I am?
What to do if it happens again?
:yelling