zazengirl

I am just trying to honor both sides, perhaps every now and then we can mention a step to work on like in the books, and work books ect. Like for instance this is what I'm working on, the step and my involvements:

Step 5

Admitted to God/Buddha/Higher power, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.

-This one has been a difficult one, because I could only see me at the top of the list. Then, I thought, well I've hurt people by: cancelling lunch dates, cancelled with clients due to my AH, put myself last and others first, lied to my friends and family about my life and present experiances....and then it hit me,..I have caused harm to all who have loved me without knowing,...only because I hid my pain, my guilt and my power. So I have designed a letter to all of them, explaining and honoring each person in my life....It will free me.

so there,...that is a suggestion I have,..and now its out there, what do you guys think? i'm a gypsy,...so following rules/steps/directions is difficult when the wind moves under my feet and I travel from country to county, and being a buddhist we have simple rules of the heart. so bare with me....

wraybear

I admitted a wrong to my AH the other day. Before he was kicked out, I had been very angry with him for about 2 months. Just let resentments build up, etc. I apologized to him for that. I even asked him to PLEASE accept my apology. I know it knocked his socks off, but you know what, it did mine too. I definitely feel like that is a great thing to do. And, I am going to do it more often! How about, everytime i do a "wrong?" I will probably be very busy apologizing, but it is the right thing to do, for sure!

zazengirl

I think this one is difficult for me, because....I spend my life doing good things, for others, with my healing studio, with children, and even my husband, I never got angry at him, I nursed him, I took care of him, bathed him, fed him and allowed him to be who he was,...I can't change him. I left him because I couldn't do it anymore,....and one thing I realized that I wish I could apologize for was...I would always say "IF you loved me.....you'd stop hurting me." that was manipulation, because if he could, consciously, he never would have started drinking.....

but I detached with love and led my life alone, this was three months ago...

its a strange thing....acceptance...and apology...forgiving ourselves.

bookworm

OK Zazengirl...
I take up the call - I have recently purchased the 4th step book "blueprint to progress" and I've looked through it - like you, I'm not too great with structure but I've had a really good look through it and I think and feel that it's going to be a really good resource - I realise that you were talking about Step 5 and I apologise that this post isn't about Step 5 but - your thread struck a chord with me. Taking inventory is a really difficult process especially when you haven't done it before!

I recommend this Al-Anon publication - it forces you to look at things which you haven't looked at before which is a good thing. Thanks for your thread!
hugs
Sandra

JT

In doing the 4th and 5th steps I was reminded to put myself on that list. I had caused myself a great deal of harm. The resentments, anger, frustration and expectations that I was harboring caused me to act in ways that made me ashamed. I had to forgive myself first. Not an easy task for me.

My family was next on the list of those I had harmed. In the beginning my amends were all about changing my behaviors. After a lot of time and as my marriage healed, when I felt safe, I told Ward how I felt. My actions had already shown him I was sincere and he was unbelievably gracious.

Hugs,
JT

gelfling

Hey Zaz,

I've managed to get through the first 3 steps and when it comes to the 4th, I can't move. I am terrified. Of what, I couldn't say. But off the top of my head, acknowledging that I've done wrong to people that I love causes me shame and embarrassment. But your suggestion of writing a letter is a marvelous idea. I love it.

The first of the year will begin my 4th step.

Thanks for posting and waking me up.

Blessings, Kathy