Hatguysgirl

I don't even know what to do with this dude. My axh was minimal contact for 3 months. He kept telling our 4 year old when she called him he still had this rash on his face so he couldn't see her (my choice, he wouldn't get me a drs note saying it wasn't contagious.) When our divorce was final I gave him the very last box of his stuff that I had found around the house and told him that was the last he would hear from me. 3 glorious weeks of no contact. Suddenly he figured I had a boyfriend who must be living in my house and was the kids new dad. I ignored the slew of messages he sent me, but then he called our 4 year old and asked her about her new dad. That got me to message him because that is completely inappropriate for him to do. He informed me that his rash had magically cleared up in the last 2 days and he would be using his visitation the next day.

So he actually showed up to the park the next day, played with the kids for an hour, and tried to tell me we would always meet at the park. I told him no, and I would meet at the park once every other week but beyond that he can come to my house and play with them in the yard there (he has supervised visitation only, and won't contact his family who I would approve to supervise so it's got to be me unfortunately.) That way I can putter around the yard, use my wifi so I'm not using data, basically get some things done comfortably and let him be. He doesn't want to because of my live in boyfriend who doesn't exist. I'm putting my foot down about it, so he saw them again at the park 2 weeks later. Finally we got into a fight about it because he wants to introduce his girlfriend to the kids since obviously they have met the boyfriend who, again, doesn't exist. I think I finally got him to understand that no one lives here, but I refuse to tell him I don't have a boyfriend because frankly, it isn't his business. If I'm dating someone they haven't, and wouldn't meet the kids for upwards of a year. But every visitation he has been refusing to give me the 24 hours of notice that is in the court paperwork. I've been consistent with that boundary, if he doesn't give me notice, sorry, I'm busy. He's tried to insist on making me change the days or times as well. Again I've held firm on my boundary.

Today should have been another visitation day, but he did not get a hold of me yesterday, got a hold of me 4 hours before the designated time. No, sorry, I made plans. I was taking my kids shopping, and yeah I could have changed that plan, but I'm not going to let him take control of my schedule. So I took all the kids to a used game store, as I'm packing the little ones into the stroller who pulls in a few spots down but his girlfriend. He doesn't know apparently that I know what she looks like. I didn't want to make a big deal of it and upset the little ones by confronting him so I just carried on with them into the store, and the girlfriend follows me. At this point I'm livid, and I held the door for her and smiled at her, she won't make eye contact. I texted him as my teenager was shopping and I let the 4 year old look at the stuffed animals. As the girlfriend had no legitimate business in the store she literally did a quick walk in then right back out and to her car. I took a picture which was fuzzy of my ex waiting in the car with his hat and sunglasses on. As soon as I texted him, they took off. He claimed it wasn't him, but my teenager had finished her purchase very quickly and also recognized him, and when I showed her the picture of the girlfriend, she agreed, it was her that followed us into the store.

At what point is this stalking!? I'm so frustrated. Thankfully I had had two instances of footprints in the snow this winter during the night which should not have been there, and got a cheap security system. So I have that safety mechanism, and also the police station is literally right around the corner. So it's less that I'm truly afraid for our lives, and more that he's just going to get out of control. Why does he even care if I have a boyfriend!? And why is his girlfriend on board with following me!? Best I can figure is if this happens again I need to call the police and start making reports so I can get a personal protection order if it continues. It's just not that hard in my mind for him to follow some very simple rules, give me notice the day before, even if he can't make it, and maybe I can make arrangements at that point. But if he's going to start stalking me I'm going to get even more stringent about following the rules.

Just, ugh!

If anyone has any experience with anything else I should be doing to document this I would love to hear it.

trailmix

hi hatsguy, I have no experience with this (thankfully) but omg, that's very odd. I'll hazard a guess he was hoping to catch you out with the boyfriend that isn't.

Why on earth his gf would go along with that, who knows!

I think your idea of documenting it and taking it to the police if needed is really sound.