Slip in recovery.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2023
Posts: 1
Slip in recovery.
Hey guys, I need some advice. After 7 years of active addiction with alcohol and drugs, I decided to go to rehab and was there for 5 months. After I got out of rehab my gf and I decided to get back together and it was the best year together, I was the most supportive partner and showed who I really am when I’m sober and she truly fell deeply in love with me and not the drug addict she met at first. I spent a year and 3 months in recovery and I had a slip 14 days ago with alcohol. I had 2 drinks and I felt horrible right away. About 3 months ago, I stopped going to my AA meetings, didn’t have a sponsor and wasnt doing what I needed to do to stay sober. I got to the point in my recovery where I thought I could handle it on my own but that wasn’t the case. I had gotten depressed and really anxious about the same time I stopped attending my meetings but I didn’t do anything about it. The night of my slip, I told my family and gf that same night. The next day I got to a meeting and have been attending regularly and I now have two sponsors and we are working the 12 steps and working the big book. The day after my slip my gf broke up with me. She basically said that I was going to continue to relapse because I had already relapsed. She said I would never change and she left me. I’m full of mixed emotions because I truely showed her who I can be without substances but she threw me away the first chance she got. I don’t know how to feel about all this because I’m heartbroken.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 580
I'm sorry to hear that your heart is broken. I am also amazed by the self-awareness you demonstrated after your slip. As an alcoholic myself, I have seen 'just a couple drinks' turn into months of non-stop drinking. I hope you know that you are doing the best you can by actively working on your recovery and being honest. I pray for the best for both of you. I know that I'm powerless over people, places and things. Thank you for sharing and not drinking over it. Keep on keepin' on and know that what will be, will be. Wishing you peace and contentment during your trials.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,460
Hi and welcome Johacao 
I'm an alcoholic too and when my relationships broke up back in the day I also felt I was been treated unfairly.
The hard truth tho is usually when partners leave it's usually due to an accumulation of things - they leave because they feel like they've done all they can, and/or they feel like all they can see in the future is more of the same, and they get out, not so much to hurt us, but for their own sakes.
I don't know if that's a fair assessment or not in this case, Johacao - but it sounds to me like you and your gf have been through some stuff already - those few drinks may have been the straw that broke the camel's back.
It was hard for me to admit that my choices ended my relationship but that was the case.
Thankfully it didn't stop me getting sober, staying that way and in my case, starting a new relationship.
If I did it I really believe you can too
D
but she threw me away the first chance she got.
The hard truth tho is usually when partners leave it's usually due to an accumulation of things - they leave because they feel like they've done all they can, and/or they feel like all they can see in the future is more of the same, and they get out, not so much to hurt us, but for their own sakes.
I don't know if that's a fair assessment or not in this case, Johacao - but it sounds to me like you and your gf have been through some stuff already - those few drinks may have been the straw that broke the camel's back.
It was hard for me to admit that my choices ended my relationship but that was the case.
Thankfully it didn't stop me getting sober, staying that way and in my case, starting a new relationship.
If I did it I really believe you can too
D
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 573
Hmmmm. She threw you away the first chance she got? You were sober for 15 months and then stopped going to meetings, didn't have a sponsor and weren't doing what you needed to do to stay sober. But all those things are a choice. You chose not to do them. Not her. Maybe she felt like you threw her away. Just a thought. That's why recovery comes first. Just take it as a lesson learned and move on.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,649
Hi Johacao, I'm sorry you have been hurt. I'm glad to hear you are sticking with sobriety.
I tend to agree with Dee. This may have been the final straw for your girlfriend. I don't know how long you were together or how much of the 7 years of active addiction that she was with you, but she probably had a boundary.
Boundaries are important and hers may have been, if he uses again I am out of this relationship, no excuses. It's scary for family and friends to think they might have to ride the emotional rollercoaster all over again. Trust is lost. Perhaps you promised to never use again?
Regardless, she is done. So where does that leave you? Well, sober thankfully and with a full and happy life to look forward to (although I am sure it doesn't look that way right now). Maybe now is the time to fully concentrate on yourself and your life and what you want to do. To double down on your sobriety and see where that takes you.
You will be ok, it's going to take time for the hurt to heal, it won't be quick but it will happen. Taking care of yourself is paramount. Eat well, go for walks, connect with family and friends, sleep when you can. All these things will make you feel better and better able to handle this.
I tend to agree with Dee. This may have been the final straw for your girlfriend. I don't know how long you were together or how much of the 7 years of active addiction that she was with you, but she probably had a boundary.
Boundaries are important and hers may have been, if he uses again I am out of this relationship, no excuses. It's scary for family and friends to think they might have to ride the emotional rollercoaster all over again. Trust is lost. Perhaps you promised to never use again?
Regardless, she is done. So where does that leave you? Well, sober thankfully and with a full and happy life to look forward to (although I am sure it doesn't look that way right now). Maybe now is the time to fully concentrate on yourself and your life and what you want to do. To double down on your sobriety and see where that takes you.
You will be ok, it's going to take time for the hurt to heal, it won't be quick but it will happen. Taking care of yourself is paramount. Eat well, go for walks, connect with family and friends, sleep when you can. All these things will make you feel better and better able to handle this.
voices ca**y
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: St. Paul Minnesota
Posts: 4,360
I disagree with your GF that you won't escape this. You are handling this with the honesty. I tried getting drunk after three months sober. One and only time in ten years and I did what you did. How did this happen? How can I keep this from happening again?
I am sorry this cost you a relationship that was important to you. She had to react to the situation as she saw it. Don't be too hard on yourself.
I am sorry this cost you a relationship that was important to you. She had to react to the situation as she saw it. Don't be too hard on yourself.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2023
Posts: 15
Hi,
First, congratulations on your brave choice to get into recovery. And you slipped and had a moment of weakness and made a decision that wasn't in your best interest. There wasn't much back story on your relationship, but from the perspective of someone who has both been an active alcoholic, and in a relationship with one, it would be rational to think she set a boundary, it was crossed, and she wasn't willing to expose herself to any further pain.
I wonder, was her boundaries and expectations made clear? That could be a take away for a further relationship if they were not. If you absolutely knew that any drinking was a deal breaker and made the choice, then you can't question her choice. But if she wasn't clear about what was a hard no for her, going forward, those might be discussions to have. For people who have zero prior knowledge about any kind of addiction, it's a big shock. The upheaval it causes is intense, and I know that for me, the idea of having recovery be the foremost important thing of each day, that life wasn't just going to be smooth and carefree anymore was terrifying. Would there be another relapse, how bad, how long, what comes with it? Does it come with lies, manipulation, infidelity, leaving, arguments? It can be a feeling of walking on eggshells 24/7.
Losing someone who you love or care about is painful and can be debilitating. But you're strong enough that you went right back to sobriety. That's amazing! And you learned that the little alcoholic demon may be dormant, but he's always right there waiting for a crack to sneak back in and do what he does, destroy everything. Stay vigilant, stay strong, stay smart, and stay sober! My broken heart sends you positivity and hopes yours mends quickly.
First, congratulations on your brave choice to get into recovery. And you slipped and had a moment of weakness and made a decision that wasn't in your best interest. There wasn't much back story on your relationship, but from the perspective of someone who has both been an active alcoholic, and in a relationship with one, it would be rational to think she set a boundary, it was crossed, and she wasn't willing to expose herself to any further pain.
I wonder, was her boundaries and expectations made clear? That could be a take away for a further relationship if they were not. If you absolutely knew that any drinking was a deal breaker and made the choice, then you can't question her choice. But if she wasn't clear about what was a hard no for her, going forward, those might be discussions to have. For people who have zero prior knowledge about any kind of addiction, it's a big shock. The upheaval it causes is intense, and I know that for me, the idea of having recovery be the foremost important thing of each day, that life wasn't just going to be smooth and carefree anymore was terrifying. Would there be another relapse, how bad, how long, what comes with it? Does it come with lies, manipulation, infidelity, leaving, arguments? It can be a feeling of walking on eggshells 24/7.
Losing someone who you love or care about is painful and can be debilitating. But you're strong enough that you went right back to sobriety. That's amazing! And you learned that the little alcoholic demon may be dormant, but he's always right there waiting for a crack to sneak back in and do what he does, destroy everything. Stay vigilant, stay strong, stay smart, and stay sober! My broken heart sends you positivity and hopes yours mends quickly.
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