Alcohol and the elderly
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2023
Posts: 4
Alcohol and the elderly
Hello! I’m new here and looking for some support.
my 74 year old father has been an alcoholic since he was in his 20s.
He is declining rapidly. He has a recent diagnosis of prostate cancer and a blood clot in his lung which has really been a shock for him. This has escalated his drinking. He used to do a bit of Uber driving during the day to keep him social but his body has been going downhill so he has stopped that now and in turn he has started his drinking even earlier, before midday. Over the last two weeks he has been in and out of hospital with alcohol related injuries. The first was a fractured sternum, the second he cut open his arm on the edge of a table and the one from a couple of nights ago he fell unconscious and woke up on the floor. I had to call emergency. He declines help at this point. He now is as thin as anything and won’t eat much. His skin is peeling. He looks like the walking dead. His brain is going too. Very forgetful, difficult to manage his finances and practical affairs and very angry. I’m wondering if it’s the onset of dementia.
I have talked to him about treatment but he has declined at this point in time.
I’m not exactly sure of what my question is. His body is now failing him and he is going to kill himself at home with some sort of terrible accident if this continues. He lives alone.
I have looked into respite for him but I believe he would need to be detoxed before they would take him in their care.
Does anyone have any experience with an elderly alcoholic parent, or words of wisdom? I don’t think he feels he has much to live for and there’s nothing really motivating him to stop.
my 74 year old father has been an alcoholic since he was in his 20s.
He is declining rapidly. He has a recent diagnosis of prostate cancer and a blood clot in his lung which has really been a shock for him. This has escalated his drinking. He used to do a bit of Uber driving during the day to keep him social but his body has been going downhill so he has stopped that now and in turn he has started his drinking even earlier, before midday. Over the last two weeks he has been in and out of hospital with alcohol related injuries. The first was a fractured sternum, the second he cut open his arm on the edge of a table and the one from a couple of nights ago he fell unconscious and woke up on the floor. I had to call emergency. He declines help at this point. He now is as thin as anything and won’t eat much. His skin is peeling. He looks like the walking dead. His brain is going too. Very forgetful, difficult to manage his finances and practical affairs and very angry. I’m wondering if it’s the onset of dementia.
I have talked to him about treatment but he has declined at this point in time.
I’m not exactly sure of what my question is. His body is now failing him and he is going to kill himself at home with some sort of terrible accident if this continues. He lives alone.
I have looked into respite for him but I believe he would need to be detoxed before they would take him in their care.
Does anyone have any experience with an elderly alcoholic parent, or words of wisdom? I don’t think he feels he has much to live for and there’s nothing really motivating him to stop.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,877
Welcome to SR. I am so sorry for what brings you here, Cleez.
Your Dad appears to be in serious physical decline and cognitive decline as well. It is likely that your Dad needs home care or nursing home care. Have you called Social Services for support and suggestions? They may be able to guide you.
Your Dad appears to be in serious physical decline and cognitive decline as well. It is likely that your Dad needs home care or nursing home care. Have you called Social Services for support and suggestions? They may be able to guide you.
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Join Date: Feb 2014
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 120,877
A medically supervised detox could probably be accomplished/ coordinated quickly in conjunction with nursing home admission. I think that your Dad’s doctor and Social Services could guide you in that process.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,431
I also suggest checking social services—my mother set her house on fire with drunk cooking several times when she passed out with food on the stove or in the oven. Not to mention her chain smoking which also started several furniture and yard fires.
This presents not just a hazard for your father, but anyone else in the home, or even worse if it is a shared family housing situation such as apartments / duplex / semi-detached. Those people will have no way of knowing if something goes wrong, and it isn’t just about your father determining his own fate in that case.
My mother also had multiple falls, including smashing out most of her teeth on a fall on a concrete porch in winter. If I hadn’t happened to be there sleeping in the basement and heard her, she might well have died either from blood loss or freezing—the ER was a place I grew too familiar with trying to accommodate her choice to drink.
Which brings me to my last point—if you feel that you cannot get him to cooperate due to dementia or just because he chooses not to, you might consider enlisting a senior advocate to take over guardianship if it becomes too much for you, or you just don’t want to be the bad guy. Be aware, however, that these advocates are there to help your father, and will not just do what you say if it isn’t his best interest as they see it. However, we all have our limits and sometimes you just have to step back.
My mother ended up with lung cancer and in the nursing home despite my best efforts to keep her home and independent. She just couldn’t make good choices regarding her dual addictions to booze and cigarettes. She had hospice care in the end and that was a lifesaver as they also offered family counseling support and made sure she was not in pain.
I am so sorry for what you are going through now, and what you grew up with.
I get it all too well. Be sure and get some self-care and your own network of support as strong as possible—that helps so much.
This presents not just a hazard for your father, but anyone else in the home, or even worse if it is a shared family housing situation such as apartments / duplex / semi-detached. Those people will have no way of knowing if something goes wrong, and it isn’t just about your father determining his own fate in that case.
My mother also had multiple falls, including smashing out most of her teeth on a fall on a concrete porch in winter. If I hadn’t happened to be there sleeping in the basement and heard her, she might well have died either from blood loss or freezing—the ER was a place I grew too familiar with trying to accommodate her choice to drink.
Which brings me to my last point—if you feel that you cannot get him to cooperate due to dementia or just because he chooses not to, you might consider enlisting a senior advocate to take over guardianship if it becomes too much for you, or you just don’t want to be the bad guy. Be aware, however, that these advocates are there to help your father, and will not just do what you say if it isn’t his best interest as they see it. However, we all have our limits and sometimes you just have to step back.
My mother ended up with lung cancer and in the nursing home despite my best efforts to keep her home and independent. She just couldn’t make good choices regarding her dual addictions to booze and cigarettes. She had hospice care in the end and that was a lifesaver as they also offered family counseling support and made sure she was not in pain.
I am so sorry for what you are going through now, and what you grew up with.
I get it all too well. Be sure and get some self-care and your own network of support as strong as possible—that helps so much.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2023
Posts: 4
Thank you all for your responses.
He has had an assessment by a social worker and he has been approved for services at home like meal delivery, OT, physio. They start in about a month.
He also had approval for respite at a nursing home but they won’t take him until he is safely detoxed first. I am now recruiting family members to put pressure on him to go to a detox facility that we’ve found that would be great for him.
so far he declines.
He has had an assessment by a social worker and he has been approved for services at home like meal delivery, OT, physio. They start in about a month.
He also had approval for respite at a nursing home but they won’t take him until he is safely detoxed first. I am now recruiting family members to put pressure on him to go to a detox facility that we’ve found that would be great for him.
so far he declines.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2021
Location: Salt Lake City, UT
Posts: 383
Guardianship generally applies to the care of a minor. What you are needing is conservatorship. The laws governing this vary depending on what state you are in. I would meet with an elder care attorney and see what your options are and what you want to accomplish. Social services and such are only temporary solutions. Until he is declared medically incompetent, he has an absolute right to make his own decisions. Difficulty managing finances is definitely a sign of dementia. I'm going through this with my older sister right now, although alcohol isn't involved. Your best bet is to consult with an elder care attorney. Conservatorship requires a lot of proof, so document everything that is happening.
I know what a nightmare this is.
I know what a nightmare this is.
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