On an island
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2023
Posts: 2
On an island
Hello,
My boyfriend and I have been together for close to 5 years. I am 37 years old. He is an alcoholic. We moved to an island for my job a couple years ago and it’s just gotten worse and worse. On Valentine’s Day I finally had enough and asked him to leave.
He decided to go to rehab. He told me I’m the reason he wants to get sober. (I told him he needs to do this for himself.) He sent flowers etc. we love each other so this all has been very painful. When he’s healthy he’s the person I love and want to be with.
Well as time went on in rehab he got more and more distance. A week before he was supposed to get out he told me he’s not coming back to the island and broke up with me. He needs to focus on his sobriety. He doesn’t want for me to wait for him anymore.
I am so confused and sad. He left me here in our island home. A place I have no old friends or family to support me. I just wish I understood what’s going on in his head. I don’t understand why he is so sad inside. I wish I knew what to do. I’m currently making a plan to get off this island and back to my network. Sigh does anyone on here have a crystal ball?
My boyfriend and I have been together for close to 5 years. I am 37 years old. He is an alcoholic. We moved to an island for my job a couple years ago and it’s just gotten worse and worse. On Valentine’s Day I finally had enough and asked him to leave.
He decided to go to rehab. He told me I’m the reason he wants to get sober. (I told him he needs to do this for himself.) He sent flowers etc. we love each other so this all has been very painful. When he’s healthy he’s the person I love and want to be with.
Well as time went on in rehab he got more and more distance. A week before he was supposed to get out he told me he’s not coming back to the island and broke up with me. He needs to focus on his sobriety. He doesn’t want for me to wait for him anymore.
I am so confused and sad. He left me here in our island home. A place I have no old friends or family to support me. I just wish I understood what’s going on in his head. I don’t understand why he is so sad inside. I wish I knew what to do. I’m currently making a plan to get off this island and back to my network. Sigh does anyone on here have a crystal ball?
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,650
But seriously onanisland, I'm glad you found the forum, but sorry for what brings you here of course.
Someone ending a relationship after going to rehab isn't all that rare, from stories shared on this forum. Usually it's one of two reasons. The person decides they don't want to be sober afterall and they know they can't maintain any kind of good relationship - drunk.
The other reason is that once they quit drinking, it can be a totally overwhelming and confusing time. If they have been drinking for some time, they may not even really know themselves sober. Their coping mechanism are usually almost non-existent, ways of getting by in the world sober, just haven't been developed.
If he has been drinking the entire time you have been with him, you don't really know him sober either.
I would recommend you read around the forum, there are a lot of threads here you can probably relate to. Also the stickies section at the top, in particular the About Recovery/Classic Reading section:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)
Someone ending a relationship after going to rehab isn't all that rare, from stories shared on this forum. Usually it's one of two reasons. The person decides they don't want to be sober afterall and they know they can't maintain any kind of good relationship - drunk.
The other reason is that once they quit drinking, it can be a totally overwhelming and confusing time. If they have been drinking for some time, they may not even really know themselves sober. Their coping mechanism are usually almost non-existent, ways of getting by in the world sober, just haven't been developed.
If he has been drinking the entire time you have been with him, you don't really know him sober either.
I would recommend you read around the forum, there are a lot of threads here you can probably relate to. Also the stickies section at the top, in particular the About Recovery/Classic Reading section:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...c-reading.html (Classic Reading)
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,017
Hey Onanisland. I'm also super glad you found us and super sorry you are going through this.
I second what trailmix says and will mention that what you are going through hurts beyond hurts but then you are probably discovering this for yourself
Please circle all the wagons of support you can even if it is just us and a lot of self care. Self care might just be staying hydrated and eating a vegetable every now and then.
Let us know how you get on.
I second what trailmix says and will mention that what you are going through hurts beyond hurts but then you are probably discovering this for yourself
Please circle all the wagons of support you can even if it is just us and a lot of self care. Self care might just be staying hydrated and eating a vegetable every now and then.
Let us know how you get on.
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