Struggling190

Ex and a broke up after 8 years. He spiraled downwards and turned into a person I didn’t even know. He was an alcoholic and I begged him to get sober so we could have the life we dreamed of and he lied to me for months and said he wasn’t drinking when he was. It got so bad to the point where I had no choice but to move out and get away from him because my mental health was spiraling so so far down. I left him 6 months ago and he is 6 months sober yesterday. We dated from when I was like 16-24 and grew up together and I never saw a life without him in it. When we separated I told him maybe when he was six months sober we could talk he would not give me the space I needed and harrassed me and made me feel so anxious that I got angry and pushed him away. I am now seeing someone who was a great family treats me so good and I don’t think I’ll ever be treated this good again. I didn’t want a relationship I wasn’t looking for one it just fell into my lap and I went with it. I now realize is was way to soon and I was no where near over my ex at all and I still am not. I also never thought my ex would make it to 6 months sober so I did what I had to do to move on. For some reason I can’t stop thinking about this 10 page letter my ex wrote me about everything he’s sorry for and I feel so bad I never gave him the chance to redeem himself when he was sober. I am stuck and I don’t want to make the wrong choice and go back jst to go back to that pain when I worked so hard to get away from it. But at the same time I’m scared I am supposed to be with him and that my anxiety is keeping me from even having a convo with him. I miss him sometimes and it’s often and I feel bad because I love my new boyfriend but I also still love my ex. He asked me a few weeks ago if we could have a conversation in person so he can move past this part of his life and he’s about to be 6 months and I said I just want ready and that I am in therapy. I just want to be happy I don’t want to jeapardize what I have with this new guy I care about him a lot and he makes me happy but I can’t stop thinking about my ex having kids with someone else and being the man I begged him to be for someone else. I have prayed and talked to my therapist about just receiving some type of clarity. I don’t really know if he’s sober I just know what he says and he’s lied so many times before. He has posted that he is sober. He has reached out a million times and I have shut him down out of fear and i am scared im doing the wrong thing. I texted him that I am proud of him for his sobriety and hope he is doing okay and he never responded until after the weekend. He said sorry it took him long to respond he’s still upset and angry about a lot of things and doesn’t wanna act out of emotions so idk if he is changed or if he is still living the same life because he didn’t answer until Monday and he used to party every weekend it’s the same patterns. He texted me Thursday night at 11pm saying he’s always here for me and that he understands me and if I need anything he’s there. I’m just so lost I love my ex so much and I don’t think I will ever stop loving him but he makes my anxiety so bad and idk how I would deal with it with him being in addiction and trying to be sober. All I’ve seen is him being a mess drunk everyday I’ve seen the worst of it so I would be terrified of it slipping back to that and me not knowing because he would lie about not drinking. Then I have this beautiful man with a beautiful family who I’m dating not who wants to love me through it all and who supports me in whatever descision I make even if it’s not him. He is the most patient person I have ever met in my entire life and I love him. I just think I love my ex in a different way that I can’t explain. Has anyone else been in this situation I really need help and support im not sure what to do I’m not sure if I should just be alone? I know new guy is good for me he really is the dream guy and I LOVE HIM but I’m IN love with my ex. And I don’t know if I’m IN LOVE WITH NEW GUY. new guy is so understanding he’s giving me a week of space and just wants me to be happy. When I started dating new guy my ex was banging on my door trying to fight him and new guy stayed and helped me thru. Part of me feels like I’m so up and down I should be alone. Wtf do I do plz help me

Seren

Hello again,

You have received several replies to your first thread, which is here:
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ease-help.html (Breakup. Now ex is “sober”? I am dating someone new please help)

I know that sometimes using a forum is confusing. I'm sorry for the pain you are in.