healingmumma

I’m so grateful to be here! I think you are all amazing! This is not a journey for the faint hearted. I hope we are all holding our heads high and our crowns higher. 🤩

Actually I wished I had sought out education and this forum many years ago. I’ve been reading lots of posts. I won’t bore you with my story as such but I’m the wife of an alcoholic.

Actually we are currently separated and as I’m witnessing his decline from afar (yet another husband that fled the country!)

I’m trying my little heart out to work on me. I’m a good person. Actually a lot of my friends tell me they wish they could have my kind heart. ❤️ I’m proud of seeing the best in everyone - it makes me me.

I struggle with the ‘addiction’ part. I’m still in the mode of;
why didn’t he love me enough
what could I have done better
why didn’t I try harder? (Rehashing conversations in my mind about the drinking).

Thank you for listening, thank you to those who post and thank you to the very experienced who comment!

Jess from Australia 🇦🇺

PeacefulWater12

Welcome, Healing Mumma, glad to have you join us, also that you are finding help by reading around.

Reading other peoples experiences helps so much, also to know we are not alone in this.

dandylion

Dear mumma.....welcome to the forum!
It is really hard---hard---hard to be married to an alcoholic. I imagine that you are in the midst of the grieving process.
It is so good that you are reading the posts and experiences of others who have/are walking in your same shoes. It does help, a lot.

Make sure that you find the "Classic Reading" section--in the stickies. It has over 100 excellent articles for you to read. There is sooo much to learn...lol.

Please read the most recommended book on this forum----"Co-dependent No More". I think you can get a copy through your local library.

We have a saying around here.....
The 3 Cs.......
You didn't Cause it. You can't Change it. You Can't Control it.

Remember, always---He drinks because he is an Alcoholic. It doesn't really have anything to do with you. It is about what is within him.
You could be as pure and perfect as the driven snow---and it wouldn't have made any difference.

trailmix

hi mumma, glad you decided to post : )

You know, when I think of the above, it brings to mind my family, my Mom (Father was an alcoholic). She was a great person, funny, smart, caring, kind, firm when she needed to be. People liked her (for a reason!), she was interesting to talk to.

Now, she eventually left my Father after about 20 years (marriage was well and truly over, he already had a new gf).

Did he not love her enough? Could she have done something better? Did she not try hard enough? The answer to all those things is a very clear no.

While she never addressed his drinking with him that I am aware of, he was pretty horrible to live with honestly (understatement). I cannot see that anyone could have done anything any differently that would have changed anything. This is when I think back on it, now as an adult, as a child I just thought that was normal - or really didn't question whether it was or not.

When you ask those questions, what are the answers you give yourself?

velma929

Maybe he couldn't love you any more than he did.
You aren't qualified to fix this,
I suspect you tried as hard as you could.