He left me for someone else!
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Join Date: Apr 2022
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He left me for someone else!
So a little back story, my ex boyfriend relapsed 3 months ago, he had been clean of meth for 3 years. He has been taking fentanyl, maybe meth again too, but I can’t say for sure! I have noticed a huge change since and it’s like his emotionally shut of, and no longer cares about me like he used to!
He broke up with me yesterday and said he has found someone else, I’m living in a different state to him but move back to the same area as him in 4 months. He said he couldn’t handle being lonely, and he needed someone to hold, it hurt to hear because he always wanted to fight for us, it seems when the drugs reappeared, issues began! It’s been a mess with my head, he said he still wanted me and he loves me, but his going to continue dating this other girl, I’m so heart broken. I don’t know what to do!
He broke up with me yesterday and said he has found someone else, I’m living in a different state to him but move back to the same area as him in 4 months. He said he couldn’t handle being lonely, and he needed someone to hold, it hurt to hear because he always wanted to fight for us, it seems when the drugs reappeared, issues began! It’s been a mess with my head, he said he still wanted me and he loves me, but his going to continue dating this other girl, I’m so heart broken. I don’t know what to do!
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,653
Hi Laurene, so sorry you are hurting like this.
The sad thing with people who may be dating or in a relationship with someone who is in recovery is that, if they relapse, it can change their whole "being". So the man that you knew appears to be gone - but where did he go?? He's still going to work every day at the same place, still walking down the same streets, but he's emotionally shut down and has found a new person to date.
That's very painful for you, of course. Addiction never goes away, if the person picks up again, they are pretty much right back where they started. If they abstain for many years, the cravings etc do diminish, but it's never easy and they have to remain absolutely diligent. I'm sorry your ex is one of the ones who isn't on the recovery track anymore.
It may sound really counter-intuitive, but try not to take it personally. His drugs are running the show now. They are also the most important thing to him. Addiction is selfish, it has to be, the drug is paramount.
The guy that was shut off emotionally, the guy that said he was lonely and needed someone to hold - is that the guy you knew? Probably not, I don't know how he was before, but sadly that particular personality ship has sailed for now.
He won't get back in to recovery until he is ready to for his own reasons, not a moment before, which may be never, his choice.
You will get past this, you will heal, but it's going to take time. Post here, share, vent, whenever you want to. I also recommend you read around the forum, you will find a lot of threads you can probably relate to and lots of wisdom.
The sad thing with people who may be dating or in a relationship with someone who is in recovery is that, if they relapse, it can change their whole "being". So the man that you knew appears to be gone - but where did he go?? He's still going to work every day at the same place, still walking down the same streets, but he's emotionally shut down and has found a new person to date.
That's very painful for you, of course. Addiction never goes away, if the person picks up again, they are pretty much right back where they started. If they abstain for many years, the cravings etc do diminish, but it's never easy and they have to remain absolutely diligent. I'm sorry your ex is one of the ones who isn't on the recovery track anymore.
It may sound really counter-intuitive, but try not to take it personally. His drugs are running the show now. They are also the most important thing to him. Addiction is selfish, it has to be, the drug is paramount.
The guy that was shut off emotionally, the guy that said he was lonely and needed someone to hold - is that the guy you knew? Probably not, I don't know how he was before, but sadly that particular personality ship has sailed for now.
He won't get back in to recovery until he is ready to for his own reasons, not a moment before, which may be never, his choice.
You will get past this, you will heal, but it's going to take time. Post here, share, vent, whenever you want to. I also recommend you read around the forum, you will find a lot of threads you can probably relate to and lots of wisdom.
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: uk
Posts: 2,428
Welcome, Laurene, sorry for the pain you are going through. Glad you found us.
You say you don't know what to do so I encourage you to focus on healing and recovering from the relationship. I know you can't see this now but he has done you a favour. This is not a person who can emotionally give you a good and happy relationship. He just doesn't have it in him.
Addicts will often try and keep their former partner on the back burner just in case the new one doesn't work out which seems to be what he is doing by telling you he still loves you but wants to date the new one. If you stay hooked into this, it will lead to more heartache and pain. For your recovery you need to go No Contact with him so you can heal and the Trauma Bond you are in with him can heal.
You say you don't know what to do so I encourage you to focus on healing and recovering from the relationship. I know you can't see this now but he has done you a favour. This is not a person who can emotionally give you a good and happy relationship. He just doesn't have it in him.
Addicts will often try and keep their former partner on the back burner just in case the new one doesn't work out which seems to be what he is doing by telling you he still loves you but wants to date the new one. If you stay hooked into this, it will lead to more heartache and pain. For your recovery you need to go No Contact with him so you can heal and the Trauma Bond you are in with him can heal.
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: maine
Posts: 1,549
When my alcoholic husband died, I resolved I'd never get involved with another addict. I did have a meet-and-greet with a man who had been sober for over thirty years - and moved on to consider others. Actor Philip Seymore Hoffman had been sober for decades before he overdosed.
No matter who your friend is with, since he is now using she ranks a distant second to his drugs. If you get back together with him, you will rank second, too. I'm sorry you're having this experience.
Do you have a job in the area where you are moving, or is that plan on hold now?
No matter who your friend is with, since he is now using she ranks a distant second to his drugs. If you get back together with him, you will rank second, too. I'm sorry you're having this experience.
Do you have a job in the area where you are moving, or is that plan on hold now?
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