Courage
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2017
Posts: 48
Courage
It felt like diving from a high cliff and I still feel nauseous but I sent a breakup message to my ABF. He responded curtly and meanly but that is ok. It is a break up after all. It's time. I didn't have to wait so long, to wait until I couldn't stand myself, but I did. He came in at 1:30 am and snapped when I asked where he had been, as if I should know and I did know -the bar the bar the bar. So why did I ask? Why do I care? Why do I have to make him say it? I don't want to be this person I have become. This is going to be so sad and hard. I already miss him, but I missed him for years when he was right beside me.
I have been in denial about a lot but...I think he drinks while watching his 2 year old grandson once a week. I've smelt alcohol and seen watery eyes. Maybe it's a nip or two? Or a beer or two? I don't know. Should I tell his daughter who relies on that childcare?
I have been in denial about a lot but...I think he drinks while watching his 2 year old grandson once a week. I've smelt alcohol and seen watery eyes. Maybe it's a nip or two? Or a beer or two? I don't know. Should I tell his daughter who relies on that childcare?
sage
Join Date: Jul 2021
Posts: 704
I've sent that breakup message, and it was hard to do. Good for you! It's not easy.
As far as the childcare, as it is a child, I would mention something to the parent. There's really no way that a child should be left in the care of someone who has been drinking or drugging.
As far as the childcare, as it is a child, I would mention something to the parent. There's really no way that a child should be left in the care of someone who has been drinking or drugging.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Gru..If it were me, I would let the daughter know. I feel responsibilities to children who don't have a voice in this world.
Congratulations on making the move that you have dreaded for so long. Be proud of yourself-----you thought that you couldn't do it, but you did.
I have always noticed that courage only comes to us in the last second before we actually act. lol....it seem like we can spend an eternity feeling scared and dreading, and the Courage appears to lie dormant---in hiding---totally out of sight. But, it is there---but only shows itself in the seconds befor we act. In reality, it was there inside us, the whole time!!
Another big lesson for me----I learned that fears are not necessarily facts. So many time, I have wasted myself on the fear and worry about something that never did come to pass. That was a biggie for me....
Congratulations on making the move that you have dreaded for so long. Be proud of yourself-----you thought that you couldn't do it, but you did.
I have always noticed that courage only comes to us in the last second before we actually act. lol....it seem like we can spend an eternity feeling scared and dreading, and the Courage appears to lie dormant---in hiding---totally out of sight. But, it is there---but only shows itself in the seconds befor we act. In reality, it was there inside us, the whole time!!
Another big lesson for me----I learned that fears are not necessarily facts. So many time, I have wasted myself on the fear and worry about something that never did come to pass. That was a biggie for me....
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,644
Isn't it strange how a perfectly normal question can be turned on you in these circumstances? Someone is out late with no contact and when asked you become the tyrant for asking. Maybe you asked because you hoped one day the light would go on and he would see what he was actually doing to you, but no, that's not going to happen.
You have made the right choice for yourself, however hard that might be. You do have courage.
I hope you write that down and put it on the fridge and the coffee table, or on a list you might make for yourself of all the disappointments and sadness he brought.
It's normal to miss someone who has been in our lives for a while, you might find after a (surprisingly short) while that you are feeling better though.
As for hating yourself, it's hard when you kind of get lost in the situation. You know who you are. Think back to who you were before you met him. What your boundaries in life were, what you liked about yourself, what made you happy with yourself and focus on those things. Any of us can find ourselves in a situation where we don't like our reactions but that just means our boundaries need reinforcement.
I would absolutely let the Daughter know, don't think you are being dramatic or over reacting, you are not.
You have made the right choice for yourself, however hard that might be. You do have courage.
I missed him for years when he was right beside me
It's normal to miss someone who has been in our lives for a while, you might find after a (surprisingly short) while that you are feeling better though.
As for hating yourself, it's hard when you kind of get lost in the situation. You know who you are. Think back to who you were before you met him. What your boundaries in life were, what you liked about yourself, what made you happy with yourself and focus on those things. Any of us can find ourselves in a situation where we don't like our reactions but that just means our boundaries need reinforcement.
I would absolutely let the Daughter know, don't think you are being dramatic or over reacting, you are not.
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