Always the Same
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Always the Same
So my exAH called my best friend when he was blocked and ask that she ask me to unblock him....then he emailed me and said that it was immature of me to block him and that he didn't want things to be like this and that we should stay in communication cause we were still going through divorce stuff. So I agreed to unblock him and we have been cordial ever since. Just communicating through text... so 2 days ago my paralegal advised me to text him a copy of the paperwork envelope going out so he could see the address and say yes that is correct...(in case anything didn't go as planned with him getting the paperwork since he loves out of state now)... no reply... then this morning I said "Hey I know you are probably busy working a lot...hope you are good".... trying to get him to address that he got the text with the address but also cause we have been somewhat cordial through this process and at HIS request I unblocked him... now he hasn't responded .... so I am reminded once again that things are on his terms... always always always.... I am immature for going No Contact but he can not respond to me when it works for him.... and THIS is why I went No Contact for the first 2 months we were separated... Ugh reminders
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Originally Posted by trailmix 
He hasn't changed that's for sure.
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You know him much better but that's not what I took from it. It bothers him that you don't want to talk to him. He needs you to like him, he needs to know he's not such a "bad guy".
As soon as you weren't playing nice (the address) that's a negative and he can't deal with that.
As soon as you weren't playing nice (the address) that's a negative and he can't deal with that.
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Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 259
You are not immature for going no contact. He may be trying to pull strings and get things to move at his pace to be petty, but he talks to you on your terms. If he is going to be disrespectful, then you have no need to communicate with him directly. Your lawyers can be the proxy between you two.
I did the same thing with my AH when he was saying that accusatory cr*p about me placing f*ck cameras around the house. I blocked him until the time came where I needed to communicate with him directly once more. He so far is still unblocked because he hasn't crossed that line again. If he does, I will block him again, and he can communicate with me through our lawyers.
You have written proof from the texts and emails that you tried in good faith to communicate important info cordially. If he can't be bothered to read or respond to it, that's on him. You are not immature for enforcing your boundaries about not tolerating being disrespected. If he can't play nice, then block him again, and leave it that way. He can use other channels to relay important information to you, you don't have to put up with his petty bs.
I did the same thing with my AH when he was saying that accusatory cr*p about me placing f*ck cameras around the house. I blocked him until the time came where I needed to communicate with him directly once more. He so far is still unblocked because he hasn't crossed that line again. If he does, I will block him again, and he can communicate with me through our lawyers.
You have written proof from the texts and emails that you tried in good faith to communicate important info cordially. If he can't be bothered to read or respond to it, that's on him. You are not immature for enforcing your boundaries about not tolerating being disrespected. If he can't play nice, then block him again, and leave it that way. He can use other channels to relay important information to you, you don't have to put up with his petty bs.
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I started to read your post and thought "Nooooooooo!"
My ex (The one who recently passed) contacted me some weeks after breakup with the "we should still be friends" mantra. We went out to lunch. Over our meal, he said he had to apologize. Then he told me (I'm laughing now, 'cause I can't believe the gall) he was sorry about our sex life, because Susie had relieved him of his inhibitions and he realized how much better it could have been.
You can't make this stuff up.
I've long thought the "we should stay friends" gambit was more PR to prove "I'm still really nice...look, I'm still friends with the person I ended the the relationship with."
I know exactly one person - one - who is friendly with the man who told her he no longer wanted to be married. She actually thanked him for helping her through her cancer treatment.
My ex (The one who recently passed) contacted me some weeks after breakup with the "we should still be friends" mantra. We went out to lunch. Over our meal, he said he had to apologize. Then he told me (I'm laughing now, 'cause I can't believe the gall) he was sorry about our sex life, because Susie had relieved him of his inhibitions and he realized how much better it could have been.
You can't make this stuff up.
I've long thought the "we should stay friends" gambit was more PR to prove "I'm still really nice...look, I'm still friends with the person I ended the the relationship with."
I know exactly one person - one - who is friendly with the man who told her he no longer wanted to be married. She actually thanked him for helping her through her cancer treatment.
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You. Owe. Him. Nothing.
The way he left you was immature
the way he used his friend to inquire about a surfboard is immature
telling you it all would have been ok if you’d just put up with his drinking is…. Immature amongst other things
blocking him to prevent him doing more damage to your health and well-being is… perfectly reasonable
he can communicate through lawyers. That is not immature. That’s the situation he created, and he’s the one who needs to grow up and accept it.
that “immature” dig is projection at its best on his part.
The way he left you was immature
the way he used his friend to inquire about a surfboard is immature
telling you it all would have been ok if you’d just put up with his drinking is…. Immature amongst other things
blocking him to prevent him doing more damage to your health and well-being is… perfectly reasonable
he can communicate through lawyers. That is not immature. That’s the situation he created, and he’s the one who needs to grow up and accept it.
that “immature” dig is projection at its best on his part.
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Join Date: Mar 2021
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Welp, it sure seems like some part of him wants you still on his hook. Out there somewhere caring about him. I was talking with my ex-husband’s former sponsor and started to think “you know, maybe that’s the only way they know how to love when they’re in active addiction?” It was a nice moment for myself because so much of my pain had been feeling unimportant to my person, and I realized I think I’m actually still very important to him. He just can’t treat anyone important in his life with actual love right now. The feeling deep inside might be authentic, but it goes through a maze of unresolved issues, mental illness, and addiction before it comes out all twisted up and awful on the outside.
And I deserve being treated with love as I know healthy love. And he just can’t do that right now.
The stronger I keep getting with distance, the more my ex-husband has cut me out (I also went no contact for a while, then felt strong enough to allow some contact while we finalized stuff, but now he’s “rejecting” me). The less bothered I am with his nonsense, the more it bothers him. I think because I see through the ******** and I refuse to play into his “reality”, communicating with me makes it harder for him to keep up the denial he’s in. And because of how important I’ve always been to him, and the emotional impact I still have, I’m hard to “brush aside” when I speak my truth. So, I’m out!
And I deserve being treated with love as I know healthy love. And he just can’t do that right now.
The stronger I keep getting with distance, the more my ex-husband has cut me out (I also went no contact for a while, then felt strong enough to allow some contact while we finalized stuff, but now he’s “rejecting” me). The less bothered I am with his nonsense, the more it bothers him. I think because I see through the ******** and I refuse to play into his “reality”, communicating with me makes it harder for him to keep up the denial he’s in. And because of how important I’ve always been to him, and the emotional impact I still have, I’m hard to “brush aside” when I speak my truth. So, I’m out!
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Originally Posted by trailmix
You know him much better but that's not what I took from it. It bothers him that you don't want to talk to him. He needs you to like him, he needs to know he's not such a "bad guy".
As soon as you weren't playing nice (the address) that's a negative and he can't deal with that.
As soon as you weren't playing nice (the address) that's a negative and he can't deal with that.
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Posts: 648
Originally Posted by Cookie314
You are not immature for going no contact. He may be trying to pull strings and get things to move at his pace to be petty, but he talks to you on your terms. If he is going to be disrespectful, then you have no need to communicate with him directly. Your lawyers can be the proxy between you two.
I did the same thing with my AH when he was saying that accusatory cr*p about me placing f*ck cameras around the house. I blocked him until the time came where I needed to communicate with him directly once more. He so far is still unblocked because he hasn't crossed that line again. If he does, I will block him again, and he can communicate with me through our lawyers.
You have written proof from the texts and emails that you tried in good faith to communicate important info cordially. If he can't be bothered to read or respond to it, that's on him. You are not immature for enforcing your boundaries about not tolerating being disrespected. If he can't play nice, then block him again, and leave it that way. He can use other channels to relay important information to you, you don't have to put up with his petty bs.
I did the same thing with my AH when he was saying that accusatory cr*p about me placing f*ck cameras around the house. I blocked him until the time came where I needed to communicate with him directly once more. He so far is still unblocked because he hasn't crossed that line again. If he does, I will block him again, and he can communicate with me through our lawyers.
You have written proof from the texts and emails that you tried in good faith to communicate important info cordially. If he can't be bothered to read or respond to it, that's on him. You are not immature for enforcing your boundaries about not tolerating being disrespected. If he can't play nice, then block him again, and leave it that way. He can use other channels to relay important information to you, you don't have to put up with his petty bs.
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Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,648
Originally Posted by LovelyKaya33333
You are probably right... My best friend said to me that I just don't know how to play the game with men..... sigh ...I never have... why does their have to be one.... I wish to live in a world where people can be honest set boundaries and others could be honest about their needs and set and respect boundaries.... this is just stupid... I would rather never be in a relationship again if it means trading in being honest, open and vulnerable to play some kind of game
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Originally Posted by wehav2day
You. Owe. Him. Nothing.
The way he left you was immature
the way he used his friend to inquire about a surfboard is immature
telling you it all would have been ok if you’d just put up with his drinking is…. Immature amongst other things
blocking him to prevent him doing more damage to your health and well-being is… perfectly reasonable
he can communicate through lawyers. That is not immature. That’s the situation he created, and he’s the one who needs to grow up and accept it.
that “immature” dig is projection at its best on his part.
The way he left you was immature
the way he used his friend to inquire about a surfboard is immature
telling you it all would have been ok if you’d just put up with his drinking is…. Immature amongst other things
blocking him to prevent him doing more damage to your health and well-being is… perfectly reasonable
he can communicate through lawyers. That is not immature. That’s the situation he created, and he’s the one who needs to grow up and accept it.
that “immature” dig is projection at its best on his part.
Thank you... I. Owe. Him. Nothing.... got chills writing that just now ...so empowering
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Originally Posted by edoering
Welp, it sure seems like some part of him wants you still on his hook. Out there somewhere caring about him. I was talking with my ex-husband’s former sponsor and started to think “you know, maybe that’s the only way they know how to love when they’re in active addiction?” It was a nice moment for myself because so much of my pain had been feeling unimportant to my person, and I realized I think I’m actually still very important to him. He just can’t treat anyone important in his life with actual love right now. The feeling deep inside might be authentic, but it goes through a maze of unresolved issues, mental illness, and addiction before it comes out all twisted up and awful on the outside.
And I deserve being treated with love as I know healthy love. And he just can’t do that right now.
The stronger I keep getting with distance, the more my ex-husband has cut me out (I also went no contact for a while, then felt strong enough to allow some contact while we finalized stuff, but now he’s “rejecting” me). The less bothered I am with his nonsense, the more it bothers him. I think because I see through the ******** and I refuse to play into his “reality”, communicating with me makes it harder for him to keep up the denial he’s in. And because of how important I’ve always been to him, and the emotional impact I still have, I’m hard to “brush aside” when I speak my truth. So, I’m out!
And I deserve being treated with love as I know healthy love. And he just can’t do that right now.
The stronger I keep getting with distance, the more my ex-husband has cut me out (I also went no contact for a while, then felt strong enough to allow some contact while we finalized stuff, but now he’s “rejecting” me). The less bothered I am with his nonsense, the more it bothers him. I think because I see through the ******** and I refuse to play into his “reality”, communicating with me makes it harder for him to keep up the denial he’s in. And because of how important I’ve always been to him, and the emotional impact I still have, I’m hard to “brush aside” when I speak my truth. So, I’m out!
is why I tend to go to..."He never loved me".... " I am not good enough for him to stay"..."He walked out on me without a care in the world".... Which leads to "I am unlovable"... "Something is wrong with me"... and "I am not pretty enough"... all of these things have been proven not true but they are still my internal thought go tos .... It is reprogramming my mind to say " No Sweetie, he is a mess and drunk all the time... you put your foot down when it came to his drinking... you were brave enough to call him out on drinking and driving with the kids or drinking and driving in general... He wanted to have sex with you multiple times a day ( Sorry TMI) of course he thinks you are pretty... " When I keep it simple and remind myself he couldn't have both ....the alcohol and me so he chose the alcohol... it keeps my brain simple about the reasons
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