sage1969

So I do a quick sweep on FB, which I generally avoid because it is no good for me or my attitude, but I sweep occasionally because one of my classes uses it to post files and videos in a "secret group." So before I can get to the groups, in my feed flashes up the anniversary of one of my friends, someone I'd dated until they started dating someone else. It happens. I find this annual reminder somewhat hurtful as their anniversary date is a full month earlier than when my friend worked up the courage to break up with me, and I think that only happened when the friend's partner started tagging them in all the FB posts the morning my friend called. I'd of course seen those posts and realised . . .

So of course codie me gets all hurt and angry . . . no, it will do no good to re - engage and tell my friend I think they're an ******* for doing what they did (I did actually tell them that, and they were very hurt by me saying that to them but never came to an understanding of what they'd done that was hurtful to me). No, it really doesn't do any good to block or pause them or whatever (this would be me attempting to control something I cannot change).

So I had to sit with it and breathe and know that what happened really sucks but that I've moved on, I've learnt from the situation and that a broken heart heals. But sometimes those scars hurt a little bit anyway, if they get jabbed once a year (or whenever my friend messages or mutual friends plan stuff).

trailmix

Personally I would block updates from them, or unfollow them. Not because it's something that's out of your control (as in what your friend did, which is, of course) but because you find it hurtful.

Someone in this equation did something underhanded which hurts you. Utmost should be to protect yourself from such people, always. I don't mean that you need to hide in a cave to escape all hurts, but this is blatant so why wouldn't you get rid of that reminder?

That is completely in your control. You don't have to take the tough road here.

sage1969

Trailmix, thank you.

I know that I have to work at every day at recovery, acceptance of what I cannot change, digging deep as to why I'm "triggered" when it happens . . . I think that deep down, because I'm in recovery and a codie, that I think by changing things I *can* change I'm still engaging in and responding to the addictions and situations and people, which is not true or logical.

Sometimes I think too hard and it's all cognitive dissonance.