In a funk tonight
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Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 648
In a funk tonight
It’s been an exhausting work week. I don’t even know if exhausting covers it. Thank just got home from a 12 hour day and I am just in a funk. Angry … sad I don’t have anyone to come home to. I have my cat and I love her. I’m too raw to even engage in dating. I have lots of friends but I miss laying on my exAH chest after a long work week. Even though he was drunk … he still was someone who held me. I miss feeling cuddled. I know that sounds silly but I do miss that today … especially after such a long week. I’m angry that he was my romantic investment for so many years. I’m mad at myself and also mad at him for telling me how our life would be if I just held on … then he abandoned me. I felt set up. I’m just really sad today. I’m not lonely for companionship just for physical not sexual touch. I am just missing that today. Thanks for listening. On a good note these feelings didn’t cause me to reach out to him. So that’s good
Member
Join Date: Jul 2021
Posts: 110
I am angry too about my romantic investment in poor partners for so long. Especially since so many around me are buying houses and having kids and I feel like I have nothing right now. I am interested to see the responses you recieve.
Also, that desire to just be held was what I missed the most too
Also, that desire to just be held was what I missed the most too
sage
Join Date: Jul 2021
Posts: 704
It was the anger I felt at a codependent situation I put myself into that caused me to realise what I was in the deep of, and it took a trusted instructor and mentor to point this out to me. I was horrified, I came to as if I'd been having hysterics and someone had slapped me. That was the moment I realised how codependent I'd been living my entire life and also the moment when I started working both my sobriety and my codependency.
Codependent No More explains this anger, we are angry because how dare they throw away all this time and energy that we've sacrificed to put into them? When we place our value in and can only feel value from others, we can get angry if they don't respond in a way that gives us warm fuzzies.
Another resource that I found very helpful in reclaiming my own self and center by understanding codependency was a video at https://youtu.be/1zIUEo965l8 and in setting boundaries at https://youtu.be/hRqtsoRIKUQ .This particular instructor has many videos I've found useful because I did grow up in such a dysfunctional family of origin and so I was like a small child compared to others who've grown up in homes free from the addiction cycle, I knew nothing about other people, making healthy friendships, living a healthy lifestyle, liking myself, or even finding a direction for myself.
Codependent No More explains this anger, we are angry because how dare they throw away all this time and energy that we've sacrificed to put into them? When we place our value in and can only feel value from others, we can get angry if they don't respond in a way that gives us warm fuzzies.
Another resource that I found very helpful in reclaiming my own self and center by understanding codependency was a video at https://youtu.be/1zIUEo965l8 and in setting boundaries at https://youtu.be/hRqtsoRIKUQ .This particular instructor has many videos I've found useful because I did grow up in such a dysfunctional family of origin and so I was like a small child compared to others who've grown up in homes free from the addiction cycle, I knew nothing about other people, making healthy friendships, living a healthy lifestyle, liking myself, or even finding a direction for myself.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,639
I hope you are feeling more rested today! I think what you are feeling is completely normal, Physical touch is important, hugs are important! He was your romantic partner, so easy to put him in that role in your mind.
It takes times to separate from someone mentally and physically. Imagine having a partner that is always there for you instead. Sometimes it's important to start looking forward.
It didn't have you reaching for your phone, that's real progress.
It takes times to separate from someone mentally and physically. Imagine having a partner that is always there for you instead. Sometimes it's important to start looking forward.
It didn't have you reaching for your phone, that's real progress.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 648
Originally Posted by NewHeart 
I am angry too about my romantic investment in poor partners for so long. Especially since so many around me are buying houses and having kids and I feel like I have nothing right now. I am interested to see the responses you recieve.
Also, that desire to just be held was what I missed the most too
Also, that desire to just be held was what I missed the most too
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 648
Originally Posted by sage1969
It was the anger I felt at a codependent situation I put myself into that caused me to realise what I was in the deep of, and it took a trusted instructor and mentor to point this out to me. I was horrified, I came to as if I'd been having hysterics and someone had slapped me. That was the moment I realised how codependent I'd been living my entire life and also the moment when I started working both my sobriety and my codependency.
Codependent No More explains this anger, we are angry because how dare they throw away all this time and energy that we've sacrificed to put into them? When we place our value in and can only feel value from others, we can get angry if they don't respond in a way that gives us warm fuzzies.
Another resource that I found very helpful in reclaiming my own self and center by understanding codependency was a video at https://youtu.be/1zIUEo965l8 and in setting boundaries at https://youtu.be/hRqtsoRIKUQ .This particular instructor has many videos I've found useful because I did grow up in such a dysfunctional family of origin and so I was like a small child compared to others who've grown up in homes free from the addiction cycle, I knew nothing about other people, making healthy friendships, living a healthy lifestyle, liking myself, or even finding a direction for myself.
Codependent No More explains this anger, we are angry because how dare they throw away all this time and energy that we've sacrificed to put into them? When we place our value in and can only feel value from others, we can get angry if they don't respond in a way that gives us warm fuzzies.
Another resource that I found very helpful in reclaiming my own self and center by understanding codependency was a video at https://youtu.be/1zIUEo965l8 and in setting boundaries at https://youtu.be/hRqtsoRIKUQ .This particular instructor has many videos I've found useful because I did grow up in such a dysfunctional family of origin and so I was like a small child compared to others who've grown up in homes free from the addiction cycle, I knew nothing about other people, making healthy friendships, living a healthy lifestyle, liking myself, or even finding a direction for myself.
. While I see what you are saying I have read co dependent no more. My therapist and I chatted about it and I don’t know how co dependent I am really. I’m pretty self assured in many ways. I think there are bits and pieces of codependency but in many of my relationships I’m not co dependent and they are pretty healthy… I relate to a small part of it but not while heartedly.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2016
Posts: 648
Originally Posted by trailmix
I hope you are feeling more rested today! I think what you are feeling is completely normal, Physical touch is important, hugs are important! He was your romantic partner, so easy to put him in that role in your mind.
It takes times to separate from someone mentally and physically. Imagine having a partner that is always there for you instead. Sometimes it's important to start looking forward.
It didn't have you reaching for your phone, that's real progress.
It takes times to separate from someone mentally and physically. Imagine having a partner that is always there for you instead. Sometimes it's important to start looking forward.
It didn't have you reaching for your phone, that's real progress.
.
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