pizza67

Often said to try to prevent me from leaving him. Today I got told that if the papers come through, he will immediately retire. I thought he can’t legally do that. I will ask my lawyer. Does anyone else know?

sage1969

Pizza, definitely consult with your attorney. I can't remember if your children are still minors or if you've said if you work outside the home. In the divorce process, you will have to complete financial paperwork. The judge will expect your AH to continue to earn what he has demonstrated he can earn in the past. So he can get belligerent and quit his job or retire, but the judge will expect him to get another job, or put a similar amount from retirement towards household expenses. If your sons are still minors, he would be expected to pay child support. Even if you do work outside the home, you could request alimony based on the length of your marriage. (And if he's foolish enough to follow through based on financials he's already submitted, he's just shooting himself in the foot because he'll have to follow through or be found in contempt).

One thing I learnt quite early on, if they threaten to withhold money, stay the course and do what you need to do. Things will work out for you. Don't let fear of something prevent you from doing what you need to move into a healthier way of living.

Bekindalways

Heya Pizza, I don't know anything in this area. Sounds like talking to your lawyer is a good idea.

I'm just sending all the moral support I can. I know you have really had a tough time.

dandylion

pizza.....I am not a lawyer....so, I can only speak in the most general terms---
My first thought is that this guy is "Talking Trash".
Now, I know that you consider him to be a great font of knowledge and he looms very large in your personal world. Sort of like the all powerful OZ....lol.
He overestimates himself, and he uses all of that as a weapon to strike fear to your heart----hoping and assuming that you will be intimidated and become passive and compliant.
He is not smarter or bigger than the legal/judicial system----a fact that he will find out, much to his own chagrin.
He also underestimates your power.....the personal power that you posses if you put it into action. This may come to the greatest surprise of all. to the both of you....that you have great agency and power.

In this respect, I believe him to be a Fool about to embark on a Fool's Errand.

Consult your lawyer and for Lord's sake---don't tell him what you learn! Keep your powder dry.

When I embarked on divorcing my first husband----the father of my three small children----he did sooo much trash talking----hoping to scare me. He denounced me as about to "fall on my face without him"...and severely underestimated my intelligence and resolve. Needless to say---I have demonstrated over the many years than none of this bilge was true. Ha, ha.

PeacefulWater12

When I divorced my first husband he made all these threats. He ended up in the crap not me.

They are weak nasty little people who use everything as a weapon to try and hurt us, us the strong ones. The very people they would like to be but are not.

It's funny when I came away from that abusive marriage (this was about 25 years ago) that filled me with fear and insecurity, I could see his WEAKNESS. It shone like a light. He was attracted to me because of my strength.

I bumped into him some time ago, again the weakness of him shone through, also his face now is hard and bitter, he has wrecked his physical body. He was a beautiful young man. Like the statue David. How we live shows on our outward appearance.

I rambled a bit off topic but really my point is they all pull the same crap. Use all the same issues as weapons.

Once you are away from him and had some recovery time, you will see him so differently, I promise you.

TropicalWinter

Anything you say to him and anything you discuss with him, he can use as a weapon. Don't show your cards. Don't fill out paperwork together. Don't talk about ANY of this with him. Him threatening to make you financially vulnerable proves that he can't be trusted. AT ALL.

velma929

I am not a lawyer.

He could retire now. Nothing stopping him, and then what? Would you be required to support him if he did? In my state, a spouse is required to pay for certain things, like hospitalization not covered by insurance/Medicare, food, housing. "necessaries"

My mechanic's wife filed for divorce, and he was told that he needed to set up a college fund for his 16- or 17-year old daughter, and as a couple, they'd never considered paying for her college, it was assumed she would have to work and apply for loans, IF she decided that was her path. He doesn't make a ton of money. and I think this was a child that he had late in life. So he had a couple years to bank money for college, should she decide to go. He's probably 70, and he can't afford to retire.

My colleague got spousal support - oddly, as long as she continued to work. (I guess if she retired, she would have enough savings in place?) She was a seamstress, so it's not as if she did something physical, masonry or carpentry or something. Her rat of a husband approached our boss at Colleague's daughter's wedding and tried to tell him he should encourage "Stella" to retire. I ran into Stella at least ten years later - she was still working.

If your kids still home are young adults, I guess they'll get jobs to help out with household expenses. Heck, even some of my classmates in high school had to pay their parents a nominal sum each week in the summer while they were working. "It's the principle of the thing," was what one boy was told.

Refiner

I agree to consult with your attorney and don’t show your hand. If he pulled that in my state, you’d be given half his future pension (if he has one) and 401(k), so pulling a stunt like that would just require him to work MUCH LONGER and unable to retire on what’s left. IOW, it would backfire on him spectacularly. It happened to my brother and he was only married 10 years and they had no kids together!