LovelyKaya33333

I know I am posting a lot today... But today "while I was on a zoom therapy appt" my exAH (yes I am using ex now) Best friend texted me. At first he said "hey how are you?" I said "ok considering the circumstances" he said "Ya I know you are going through a lot but do you happen to have his surfboards?"!!!!!!!!!! what the actual ******* ****... I mean he lives 2,000 miles away. Left me without paying the bills... Left me 2 days before the first to pay rent by myself!!! what the actual ****. As if for the last month I somehow should have been his free storage unit too now. What is he thinking? Also mind you I sold/traded one of them in exchange for getting the house back together.... ie. clean up all his 14 trash bags full of **** he left behind. Clean his kids bedroom and bathroom...all stuff that was too painful for me to go through at the time... so I told his friend I didn't have that particular one anymore.... I was even kind enough to say there are 2 left and you are welcome to those...because I actually probably can't get much for them and they are too small for me to ride anyway... His friend didn't want those ones though..... so I was shaken up by the whole thing in general ... It threw my day off... anyway... my best friend just texted me that exAH tried to get a hold of her. I am sure it was about the surfboards. She didn't pick up..... THANK GOD I have him blocked on everything still.... But I still cried on and off all day. I have hardly eaten and I feel so messed up. When my exAH left me out of the blue he didn't call my best friend to check on me... but he calls her for his buddy about a surfboard!!!! It reopened me feeling like I was just thrown away... How I am feeling right now sicks so bad. I didn't ask for anything in the divorce papers. Didn't ask for money we borrowed from my parents together back...I waived my rights to his retirement and pension... because I just didn't want to deal with him ... but he has the nerve to care about a surfboard... like wait let me be your free storage and on top of that I had to pay for the rent by myself...on top of that he was expecting that I would faciliate his buddy coming to pick up his surfboard a month after he has the balls to leave me and give me an hour notice!!!! Sorry but I am fuming ...I am proud of myself for not unblocking and remaining silent .... The last thing I said to his buddy.... His buddy said "I wish you would have told me you were selling it" and I wrote "Ya well I wish I wouldn't have had to".... UGH UGH UGH

Free2bme888

Breathe. In. Out.

again.

list five things you are grateful for. Right now.

Breathe.

you are strong. You are moving on. Old habits of being doormat are hard to break. You got this.

positive tapes. No angry tapes.

Hug a pet?

watch a comedy?

take a shower and do your nails.

self care

LovelyKaya33333

Thank you. I just breathed in and out 5 times. I also started crying.... I just can't believe this is the real man I married. Now that he isn't getting anything from me... the real him comes out ....

sage1969

Kaya, you are getting through it. As yucky as this feels, you just keep going, one breath at a time.

Sounds like your XAHs friends are willing to enable as well as attempt to benefit from this situation. Good for you, for standing your ground, getting stuff done, and doing what you need to do to process and then let it go. Sounds like blocking more numbers is the way to go.

I always think of Dora: "just keep swimming, swimming, just keep swimming"

LovelyKaya33333

Yea... I felt silly cause I actually thought for a moment that his friend was reaching out to actually see how I was doing

Free2bme888

The five things you are grateful for......

trailmix

What a jerk.

Keep in mind this isn't about you personally, this is about him. He was probably selling it to his "buddy". He either wanted the money for it or to look like the good guy. Buddy doesn't care, he just wants a surfboard.

Maybe this isn't the man you married but it is the shallow man he has become. Thankfully he's out of your picture now.

I'm glad you had the presence of mind to get rid of the surfboard in favour of taking care of yourself. Keep doing that! Maybe think about the divorce claims? Just something to ponder. If nothing else he should be paying half the rent for the rest of your rental lease.

LovelyKaya33333

my cat…. This forum… my best friend… my father… my personal trainer… my therapist … my other best friend. I legit have like 10 friends I talk to every week that I have had for at least 5 years some 20 years. My nice bedding… Netflix and Hulu… that I have a job that is demanding but pays well… my divorce papers getting here Monday… oh my sister and nephews. God my nephews are simply adorable. They are 5 and 7 and live in Maui so I go there a lot. My aunt. My apartment. The office I’m hoping to turn my spare bedroom into. That I’m loosing weight little by little. My Rodan fields products. Candles. The history I have on this forum and the ability to read back from 6 years ago. I sent one of my entries to my dad and he was like OMG that is eerie. You could’ve written that today and it would’ve made sense. And latestly but not least … all of you. I could cry with the amount of support I’ve felt here

Free2bme888

What wonderful things to be grateful for!


thanks for listing them..... bet that felt pretty good🤓❤️

Free2bme888

Mine grateful things today....ahhhh, no guilt today! In two years, will be in a quiet home, custom built, on top of a mountain with amazing views! I have a wonderful loving partner! I have two arms, two legs, two eyes, and two ears that work reasonably well! I’ve found some female golf buddies! I had a great picnic lunch in the parking lot of the government building! The plants need the rain, yay! I can do hard things today that will be rewarded tomorrow and greatly rewarded in the future ! I have SR!

LovelyKaya33333

Your Home sounds incredible .... Gosh I love these so much

Bekindalways

((Kaya))

Yep, that was worth a meltdown. It would have gotten me too back in the day.

OKRunner

Mine did something so similar to me. We had very detailed, well-laid plans to meet his family one weekend at their house in the country. I mean, tons of planning and excitement for this weekend, yes on my part, but he was so excited too. Grocery lists, meal plans (he's a good cook, etc.) and on and on and on. Then, he goes MIA on Friday before the big weekend. The whole thing never happened. He never, ever called and explained why. We'd been planning this for months. He actually did most of the planning, it was more like 90% him planning and 10% me repeatedly saying how I excited I was. And then on Monday after the weekend that never was, I get a text from his colleague wanting to get some scaffolding that's in my garage. Like, what? I felt the same way you did. My heart was broken. I cried the whole weekend, and kept crying after his colleague called me. Like ... how????

All we can do is breathe in and out.

All we can do is keep walking forward, out of these disasters.

It is not you. Look how similar your story is to mine. We were just the unlucky ones who walked into these messes.

Next time we know better.

Thinking of you and take great care.

Edited to say: I think the reason they have their buddies call or text us is because they are too ashamed and too embarrassed to do it themselves. So, somewhere in there, they realize how completely awful they have been. Think about something you walked away from in a professional, productive manner. And then if you forgot something and had to get it back. You would just send the person a super nice email or text and apologize for leaving it and ask for it back. For example, I sold a house last year and left something meaningful in a cabinet. Because I was on good terms with the buyer (because I am a professional, polite person, and don't burn bridges) I sent a very polite email explaining what I left behind and they were so happy to send it to me across the country. Because I treated them well. Our exes know they haven't treated us well and they don't want to be reminded of that by calling us or checking in on us or anything like that. It's better to go MIA and have the buddies call us. We don't want to be with men who treat us that way. Not any more. No way.