Greensoul3982

He relapsed on gambling after two years clean barely, he relapsed on alcohol after 6 years clean and relapsed on meth after 8 years clean all in one year. In the end told me he only wanted to be friends and that I wad the worst thing that ever happened to him. Before all of this he told the whole world about his neverending love and devotion to me. We were together 7 years. I have thoughts of driving my car into a concrete wall. He just switched off whe it came to me. I gained one hundred pounds during our relstionship and have ptsd. He says I drove him to use again because he was so unhappy. I gave him all of my heart and soul. I was going to spend the rest of my life with him. Will he come back after he gets clean. Will he remember how much love we had or was it all just ********. I still love him so much. Am I crazy?? I feel like he is gone forever and I just can't cope. Is this how he really feels or is this the drugs talking. What am I supposed to do if he changes his mind at some point after he has shattered our life together. I want to have compassion but how can I. This is all too much. How could I ever trust him again. He had already been with other women in the 6 months we have been apart on his meth fueled binge. He is about to lose his job and everything he worked so hard for. He is a completely different person on drugs. I am afraid for his life. Has he lost his mind?

Dee74

I'm really sorry for what brings you here Greensoul.

Noone is worth driving your car into a wall for - especially someone who told you you were the worst thing to happen to him"

What he means is you were the worst thing to happen for his addiction...and that's why he's no longer there and keeps relapsing - he keeps choosing addiction over you.

He's also moved onto other women and is about to lose his job - that's sad but its not your fault.
Its his journey and his actions and choices have consequences.

I know its hard to lose someone but honestly it sounds to me like you deserve way better than this guy?

and please I know it feels like the end of the world sometimes but it's not...we do move on and we can find the kind of love we deserve :

if you have real thoughts about hurting yourself over this, please talk to someone instead, ok?
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ase-read.html\

D

Bekindalways

Hay Greensoul. I'm glad you posted. What you are going through is beyond horrific. I can understand why you have PTSD.

Please please do every thing you can to take care of yourself. You probably should see a doc. Also if you haven't yet, check out Alanon. None of this will end the pain but it will help you get through the tough days ahead.

Let us know how you get on.

Sueby

I’m sorry you’re going through this, but very thankful you posted and got this out. Please reach out to family, friends (or a therapist) to vent and let it all out. I remember these same feelings when AH dumped me, it was overwhelming to just get through each day for while and everything was so messed up.

I’m glad you posted, there are so many people on here with a wealth of knowledge, understanding and compassion to draw on when you need it. It is an amazing community. Take care of yourself 💕💕💕

Greensoul3982

I need to know if our whole relationship was fake. He tells people I couldnt decide what I wanted. That is such a lie. Is he going to get clean and try to come back? Or is this really how he feels?

Greensoul3982

Everyone was shocked to find out we were no longer together. Atleast all of his coworkers were

Greensoul3982

I have been away from him for 6 months. I still cant believe he is gone. I have received help and it aint helping. Was he just leading me on???

Greensoul3982

He was madly in love with me for 7 years and then poof he cant stand me

Greensoul3982

I'm not going to end my life but the pain is almost unbearable. I have talked to friends and family and therapists. I need to hear from people who have been through this. I am so confused. He was my everything

Dee74

I don;t think anyone can answer whether your whole relationship was fake. For that length of time I think there were probably genuine feelings there.

But he's chosen his addictions over you and he moved on to other women - presumably relationships where he can indulge in his additions freely.

It would be a mistake I think for you to think that you've done something wrong - that's just the excuse he used Greensoul.

I also think it would be a mistake to think he'll come back and be who the partner you want him to be.
I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad tidings but I don't think in all likelihood that's going to happen.

He's not the man he used to be, and he shows no signs of wanting to be.

Its been six months. I think you have to let him go and make his mistakes, and you move on to something better.

D

Greensoul3982

Thank you Dee74, do you think my problems pushed him over the edge. I feel like all of this is my fault. I was struggling with depression and binge eating disorder. Can meth just change someone overnight likel?

Greensoul3982

He was the most faithful and devoted man, I read meth can make people extremely sexual. Is any of this forgivable if he gets help. I just dont want to give up if he is this sick. But I feel like I am not thinking clearly

dandylion

Greensoul......I agree with what Dee has said. I think that there must have been real feelings, there, at the time...but, as you know--addiction is progressive and it seems that the addiction overtook him. Being in a relationship with you probably made it impossible . for him to indulge his addictions---so, he used an excuse that made "sense" to him and to tell other people. It is easier to "blame" you than to faceup to his addictions.
This forum holds thousands of similar stories.

Dee74

I don;t think your problems pushed him over the edge.
I'm actually not a Family and Friends person primarily.

Although I have been on this side my history lies mainly in being an alcoholic and addict..

I blamed everyone but myself for my addictions Greensoul - including my girlfriends - but the truth was no one made me drink or get high - I just used things, or them, as an excuse.

I've been sober 14+ years now and i love my partner dearly - nothing could tear me from her side if she was dealing with depression or an eating disorder

Think about it though - hypothetically. Say your problems really did send him over the edge - wouldn't that mean he's not the right guy to love and support you through your problems?

Of course its possible that your ex might find recovery like I did...and it is possible then that one day he might realise what he's missing.

Are you really prepared to wait forever on that chance?

I onl;y used meth once and hated it - and I have no experience at all of what they call Ice today...but I've seen it change my friends and neighbors completely....like 180 degrees.

The old them disappears....for good

D

Greensoul3982

Dee74, I am crying after reading your post. Thank you so much for sharing

Greensoul3982

Thank you Dandylion

Greensoul3982

Bekindalways and sueby thank you as well

Bekindalways

Greensoul, a common saying here and with other friends and family of alcoholics is "You didn't cause it. You can't control it and you can't cure it". This is the nature of addiction. Nothing you did caused him to turn back to drugs. He chose to do that. As Dee described, it is very common for addicts to blame their partners; it is a way an addiction protects and excuses itself.

It took me a long long time to heal after leaving my qualifier and I am still addressing my issues that drew me to him in the first place.I hope you keep posting here.

Greensoul3982

Be kind always, I dont think I will ever get over this. He was the one for me. I dont think anyone will ever love me or get me the way he did. I could just scream. I have. In my car. He tried so hard to do the right thing always. He wanted to be so healthy. He had severe adhd and ocpd. I think being sober was incredibly hard for him and I will never understand why he wouldnt just get help and counseling. I tried to get him to go. He wouldnt budge

Greensoul3982

He needed medication