Lovemuffin

I recently (Nov 28) broke up with my Alcoholic ex fiancé. What a crazy ride. We met 3 years ago, he was still drinking and could barely say the word alcoholic. Then, due to child custody issues abbd parental pressure, he entered out patient rehab. I think he may have done a year of sobriety. Then, in March of this year he relapsed, COVID, he is very extraverted and working from home alone everyday did a number on his mental health. I think he relapsed at least once per month. At the end of November my daughter came to visit and he drank around her and was edgy, aggressive and she called him out. That was my last straw, he could not even be kind to my daughter (who had experienced significant trauma this year). So I said I wanted to break up. Well, that night while I was out he had a lock smith cone and change the locks and called the police on me when I tried to get in. He gave me 2 hours to collect my possession. He told everyone I was an alcoholic. He said he was better without me, finally happy and free. When he drinks he calls me, fat, ugly, boring, a do nothing depressed ageing loser with a crazy daughter and nothing to show for my life. He often kicked me out (I have hotel receipt, once a month since March). I gave soooo much. I also yelled screamed and started saying mean things back when he would start in on me. He said I cheated and gave him a std. all lies. Yet I still love him.

dandylion

Lovemuffin.......it is quite possible to have bonding and strong attachment feelings for someone who is not good for us. However, in my opinion, that is not a good reason to stay with somone who mistreats us
The way we humans are wired---we grieve the loss of relationships that we have invested a lot of ourselves into. It takes some time to grieve and and "get over" the grieving period. We have to get over the loss of the dream----even when the relationship is/was full of painful experiences.

PeacefulWater12

It's hard to let go of the addicts in our life, we are kind of addicted them ourselves. The chemical releases of the highs and lows of the relationship is addictive. Much like a drinker feels.

Sending positive strength to you and your daughter. I hope a more peaceful life awaits you both.

Berrybean

Hi Lovemuffin.

I am so sorry for what you're going through. He sounds similar to my ex. One of the things that helped me when dealing with him and his lies and manipulation and craziness was learning about narcissistic personality disorders as there are many cross overs and similarities. There's a lady called Dr Ramani on Facebook. I'd especially recommend looking at the one about what to expect when you leave one. I was lucky to have listened to that one just before things really went bonkers the last time. Every single thing she said would happen did. But that was okay. I was half expecting it and had her advice to follow when choosing how to react to it. The previous times I didn't have that info and insight and i really thought I was going insane.

Sending prayers your way.
BB