oddsunflower

The past ten days have been a whirlwind of emotions. Ups and downs and ups again then yesterday a virtual emotional wringing that would rival old washboards.
My friend passed 3 months ago. I was devastated. I was the one who did CPR until emergency crews arrived. She had overdosed. There days on dialysis couldn't save her and her brain died. Yesterday, I sobbed as I couldn't save the life of her beloved dog. My AH went with her husband to the vet and tried to help him come up with a plan but in the end the pup had to be put to gentle rest.
What does this have to do with alcoholism?
My friend was an alcoholic. She left a wake of destruction and dysfunction miles wide. I told my husband that I was proud of him for being so selfless and that I love the way he could be so compassionate in such a hard situation (we would sell everything we own to save our animals and he had to stand with the baby as he was euthanized). Then, I walked away to do something else (trying not to sob because I am only a week out from having a heart attack) I felt like such a sucker. Man... The disease played me like a fiddle. I just told the man who drank so much the past week (including before he came to get me from the hospital) that he was wonderful and I was period to be his wife.

The blurred lines of this disease will be what kills me.

Mango212

neutronstar

oddsunflower

I am so sorry for your loss. I wonder sometimes if they even know the destruction they cause? Be kind to yourself... It is the hardest part of the grief. My friend was my neighbor. We saw each other multiple times a day and shared so much love. In the beginning I couldn't even drive up the driveway without spitting some sort of venomous comment because I was so broken by her decision. She is gone and in peace yet, I am here suffering through loss, the pain of not being able to save her and the pile of resentment on top of that.
To paraphrase something I read recently about grief-
I am crying because you are not out there but you are still in here (points to heart)

trailmix

I'm sorry to hear about your friend oddsunflower.

Please take good care of yourself and be kind to yourself.

hopeful4

Give yourself a break. You are going through a lot. Sending you lots of support and hugs!