Boundaries while separated
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,618
Good for you!
One thing I did with my ex was to set up a ***** account for him to direct his messages to. That way I could check the account once a day, and I didn’t have to worry about things popping up on my screen. When Kid was with him (in the days when she still spent time with him), I unblocked his phone number in case of emergencies; when she was with me, I blocked his number so I wouldn’t get drunk-texts (and if Kid wasn’t with him there would be no emergency that required him to be in touch with me immediately - he could talk to the email because the phone ain’t listening).
That dedicated ***** account saved me a lot of stress.
One thing I did with my ex was to set up a ***** account for him to direct his messages to. That way I could check the account once a day, and I didn’t have to worry about things popping up on my screen. When Kid was with him (in the days when she still spent time with him), I unblocked his phone number in case of emergencies; when she was with me, I blocked his number so I wouldn’t get drunk-texts (and if Kid wasn’t with him there would be no emergency that required him to be in touch with me immediately - he could talk to the email because the phone ain’t listening).
That dedicated ***** account saved me a lot of stress.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 1,618
Originally Posted by Sasha1972 
Good for you!
One thing I did with my ex was to set up a ***** account for him to direct his messages to. That way I could check the account once a day, and I didn’t have to worry about things popping up on my screen. When Kid was with him (in the days when she still spent time with him), I unblocked his phone number in case of emergencies; when she was with me, I blocked his number so I wouldn’t get drunk-texts (and if Kid wasn’t with him there would be no emergency that required him to be in touch with me immediately - he could talk to the email because the phone ain’t listening).
That dedicated ***** account saved me a lot of stress.
One thing I did with my ex was to set up a ***** account for him to direct his messages to. That way I could check the account once a day, and I didn’t have to worry about things popping up on my screen. When Kid was with him (in the days when she still spent time with him), I unblocked his phone number in case of emergencies; when she was with me, I blocked his number so I wouldn’t get drunk-texts (and if Kid wasn’t with him there would be no emergency that required him to be in touch with me immediately - he could talk to the email because the phone ain’t listening).
That dedicated ***** account saved me a lot of stress.
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: maine
Posts: 1,548
Originally Posted by Sasha1972
Ha! The software bleeps out the trade name of the service provider for email just like it does for four-letter words! Just want to assure SR members that I wasn’t swearing uncontrollably.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 6,262
I am really struggling about how to set boundaries here. I told him several days ago that this was a separation and that we needed to stop talking so much and that we should just text and only voice call with the kids. He said OK and then continued on just calling me like normal.
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 44
When I told my husband I wanted a divorce (after 3 months of separation) he did a major panic nosedive. He went to rehab, and came out doing fairly well. But after a few months, he started drinking again and continues to do so. At first he did a lot of things to keep himself connected with me. And I obliged. But after several outbursts and arguments, I realized it wasn’t healthy for me to talk to him at all unless it involved our children. I found this to be extremely helpful for my own sanity. If he texts me for any other reason, I just ignore it.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2023
Posts: 4
I’m so glad I came across this thread because this is exactly what I’m struggling with at the moment. I feel so bad that he’s hurting and I want to be there for him because he was there when I was really depressed, but I know, for my own sake, I can’t be. I’m just always worried when he has our son because I’m not sure what his mental state is which is the hardest part of it all.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2023
Posts: 34
Hi FWN: Mostly sending you positive thoughts. I've followed your story for a while, and it really resonates due to some similarities with my own. I don't have much to offer, other than two books on boundaries I've found helpful if you haven't read them: Set Boundaries, Find Peace by Nedra Tawabb (sp? She has a great Instagram also). The other is The Book of Boundaries by Melissa Urban. I also have littles and listened to MU's book on audible because, well, not much reading time.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 136
This resonated with me as well. It took me a very long time to go totally no contact and it was really a life saver. I have an appointment next week to draft a legal separation agreement while he is still sober, hopefully he will sign it!!
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