The accident that did NOT change our lives!
Caring for the 3 little bears
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Oz
Posts: 509
The accident that did NOT change our lives!
I have written this story before, but will try to be brief.
I have known my AH for almost 30 years. We met as teenagers. Wild and crazy teenagers! But, we had a grand old time.
We ran into each other about 16 years ago, fell in love, got married. I knew he was an alcoholic. But, since I didn't know much about alcoholism, i didn't realize what i was getting into. He was fun, cute, passionate about many things in life, and smart. He knew about everything... everything that was going on in the world, history, he loves art... just an all around great guy who liked to drink! And, I drank with him in those early days.
Over the years I realized his drinking was truly a problem. We had two babies, several rehabs for him. Then 3 years ago THE accident. He was drinking and had our then 2 and almost 5 year old with him. He was intubated in the helicopter, and on a ventilator for 4 weeks. In hospital for 2 1/2 months. Our 5 year old was helicoptered and had spinal fracture, liver laceration and torn upper intestine which required surgery. All this was caused by the seatbelt squeezing her little belly. Had to wear cast on torso for 6 weeks. She was in hospital for 13 days. Little one just had a bruise on shoulder blade, thank GOD FOR THAT CAR SEAT!!! And, thank GOD he put her in her car seat.
He suffered too many injuries to mention, but still deals with fractured hip/pelvis. Had new hip put in a couple years ago, been infected for 1 1/2 years, finally removed it, now infection won't go away even without the artificial hip in there. Yep, he has suffered severely for drinking and driving.
Yet, he continues to drink. Every 4-6 months he has a week long binge. Or in this most recent case, 5 week binge. The roller coaster starts, I kick him out, I put the kids in daycare for 3-5 months till I feel he has finally "made the change" then, the rollercoaster starts all over again. Round and round we go.
He had the kids in the car with him this last time too. Yes, I will take some responsibility for that. I WILL NOT, CAN NOT allow him to drive EVER AGAIN with this kids. Isn't it sad, that I can trust strangers to drive with my kids in the car, but I can't trust their own dad. Isn't it pitiful that these little ones have to tell people "my dad is sick and can't drive the car when we are with him" Shouldn't I be able to expect that I won't have to deal with a drunk in my house who wants to take his pistol somewhere? I WANT to have expectations of my husband, but because my husband is an alcoholic, i can have no expectations - NONE!
I do have rights... the right to make him stay out this time and not come home. The children adore their dad. It sickens my heart that it has come to this. But, I must get off the rollercoaster.
He is supposed to be trying a "new" approach to getting well this time. Of course, he has only been sober about 2 days. He is going to look at this problem as SIN instead of a DISEASE. So, we shall see where this takes him. I hope he will have a real life changing experience this time for his sake, but for now, i am leaving the amusement park.
Thanks for listening.
I have known my AH for almost 30 years. We met as teenagers. Wild and crazy teenagers! But, we had a grand old time.
We ran into each other about 16 years ago, fell in love, got married. I knew he was an alcoholic. But, since I didn't know much about alcoholism, i didn't realize what i was getting into. He was fun, cute, passionate about many things in life, and smart. He knew about everything... everything that was going on in the world, history, he loves art... just an all around great guy who liked to drink! And, I drank with him in those early days.
Over the years I realized his drinking was truly a problem. We had two babies, several rehabs for him. Then 3 years ago THE accident. He was drinking and had our then 2 and almost 5 year old with him. He was intubated in the helicopter, and on a ventilator for 4 weeks. In hospital for 2 1/2 months. Our 5 year old was helicoptered and had spinal fracture, liver laceration and torn upper intestine which required surgery. All this was caused by the seatbelt squeezing her little belly. Had to wear cast on torso for 6 weeks. She was in hospital for 13 days. Little one just had a bruise on shoulder blade, thank GOD FOR THAT CAR SEAT!!! And, thank GOD he put her in her car seat.
He suffered too many injuries to mention, but still deals with fractured hip/pelvis. Had new hip put in a couple years ago, been infected for 1 1/2 years, finally removed it, now infection won't go away even without the artificial hip in there. Yep, he has suffered severely for drinking and driving.
Yet, he continues to drink. Every 4-6 months he has a week long binge. Or in this most recent case, 5 week binge. The roller coaster starts, I kick him out, I put the kids in daycare for 3-5 months till I feel he has finally "made the change" then, the rollercoaster starts all over again. Round and round we go.
He had the kids in the car with him this last time too. Yes, I will take some responsibility for that. I WILL NOT, CAN NOT allow him to drive EVER AGAIN with this kids. Isn't it sad, that I can trust strangers to drive with my kids in the car, but I can't trust their own dad. Isn't it pitiful that these little ones have to tell people "my dad is sick and can't drive the car when we are with him" Shouldn't I be able to expect that I won't have to deal with a drunk in my house who wants to take his pistol somewhere? I WANT to have expectations of my husband, but because my husband is an alcoholic, i can have no expectations - NONE!
I do have rights... the right to make him stay out this time and not come home. The children adore their dad. It sickens my heart that it has come to this. But, I must get off the rollercoaster.
He is supposed to be trying a "new" approach to getting well this time. Of course, he has only been sober about 2 days. He is going to look at this problem as SIN instead of a DISEASE. So, we shall see where this takes him. I hope he will have a real life changing experience this time for his sake, but for now, i am leaving the amusement park.
Thanks for listening.
Dee at Mt Bully
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Placerville, Ca
Posts: 251
wraybear--sounds like you have a lot to handle--Do you go to alanon? You really
will find a lot of help and support there. I think you have more choices to make for yourself and your children then you realize. As your little ones get older they will be
more and more aware of whats going on with thier Dad. Calling alcoholism a sin instead
of a sickness sounds like trading one addiction for another. Don't get me wrong I
firmly believe we all have a Higher Power and we may not have made it this far without
our HP. However if calling A a sin worked to control A there might be a lot less AH's.
Might heart goes out to you and your children. Please keep us posted--Smiles--Dee
will find a lot of help and support there. I think you have more choices to make for yourself and your children then you realize. As your little ones get older they will be
more and more aware of whats going on with thier Dad. Calling alcoholism a sin instead
of a sickness sounds like trading one addiction for another. Don't get me wrong I
firmly believe we all have a Higher Power and we may not have made it this far without
our HP. However if calling A a sin worked to control A there might be a lot less AH's.
Might heart goes out to you and your children. Please keep us posted--Smiles--Dee
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
(((((((wraybear))))))
Wow you do have a lot on you.....I am so sorry. You sound like a very strong person and I am honored to be in your company here online. Thanx for sharing with us.
Wow you do have a lot on you.....I am so sorry. You sound like a very strong person and I am honored to be in your company here online. Thanx for sharing with us.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Starting over all over again
Posts: 4,426
Wraybear, I'm glad you're getting off the rollercoaster. Sounds to me like you have enough challenges in your life without having to handle his as well.
I'm praying for you :-)
Mike :-)
I'm praying for you :-)
Mike :-)
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Keepin' my side of the litterbox clean
Posts: 2,136
Oh, Wraybear, I feel so for you....
I understand so well what you mean about your spouse being intelligent, funny, witty, entertaining, BUT loving to drink and your joining in to feel included in the beginning. It wears thin after awhile, doesn't it?
I'm so glad your children are okay. It sounds as if your AH will have a lifetime of physical suffering due to that accident, but as heartless as it sounds, he brought it on himself. Just be thankful to your Higher Power that your children are in one piece!!!
Alcoholism is a terrible addiction to beat, particularly since the relapse rate is so darn high. I've known many A's who have gone back out, only to greatfully return to AA after they have seen how empty and hopeless the drinking route really is.
Maybe this new route will work for your AH. At least he's giving it a try. My AH thinks all AA's are "losers." What a pity, but it's his loss not mine.
I'm so glad your children are okay. It sounds as if your AH will have a lifetime of physical suffering due to that accident, but as heartless as it sounds, he brought it on himself. Just be thankful to your Higher Power that your children are in one piece!!!
Alcoholism is a terrible addiction to beat, particularly since the relapse rate is so darn high. I've known many A's who have gone back out, only to greatfully return to AA after they have seen how empty and hopeless the drinking route really is.
Maybe this new route will work for your AH. At least he's giving it a try. My AH thinks all AA's are "losers." What a pity, but it's his loss not mine.
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