Sometimes you need a big sign
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Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 135
Sometimes you need a big sign
This is slightly off-topic but the reality of the moment is that it could be me in 30 years if I don't do something soon.
This morning, I was taking my dogs out and I hear my neighbor yelling for me. He found his wife in bed, cold, not responding. I went to help him. I started CPR while he called 911. His wife had open heart surgery 10 days ago. She just came home yesterday. When paramedics came, her heart was beating 12 beats per minute. She was in heart failure. I asked her husband what happened. He said that she had wanted to go to dinner and when he said that she should take it easy, she pushed him to take her and let her do what she wanted. She was managing her own medication and didn't want the nurse in her house last night. Apparently, she was taking 2 pills of a medication she was only supposed to take one of. She had done this for 4 doses and it put her heart into failure.
She is an alcoholic. 2 days before her surgery, she was so drunk I had to help him carry her into the house because she fell in the yard. Today, I looked in her husbands eyes and I saw myself in 30 years. Defeated, sad. Tired of making excuses for her. Tired of living the lie. My heart broke for him.
Why do people stay? She is so mean to him and yet he is the most genuine and blessedly wonderful man I have known in a long time. My kids call him Grandpa. They take care of him and love to listen to his stories.
So here I sit today....wondering if my help was enough to keep her alive and remembering that there is so much more time left in my life and do I really want to spend it miserable and broken?
This morning, I was taking my dogs out and I hear my neighbor yelling for me. He found his wife in bed, cold, not responding. I went to help him. I started CPR while he called 911. His wife had open heart surgery 10 days ago. She just came home yesterday. When paramedics came, her heart was beating 12 beats per minute. She was in heart failure. I asked her husband what happened. He said that she had wanted to go to dinner and when he said that she should take it easy, she pushed him to take her and let her do what she wanted. She was managing her own medication and didn't want the nurse in her house last night. Apparently, she was taking 2 pills of a medication she was only supposed to take one of. She had done this for 4 doses and it put her heart into failure.
She is an alcoholic. 2 days before her surgery, she was so drunk I had to help him carry her into the house because she fell in the yard. Today, I looked in her husbands eyes and I saw myself in 30 years. Defeated, sad. Tired of making excuses for her. Tired of living the lie. My heart broke for him.
Why do people stay? She is so mean to him and yet he is the most genuine and blessedly wonderful man I have known in a long time. My kids call him Grandpa. They take care of him and love to listen to his stories.
So here I sit today....wondering if my help was enough to keep her alive and remembering that there is so much more time left in my life and do I really want to spend it miserable and broken?
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Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Virginia
Posts: 469
oddsunflower,
That was was touching story you just shared. I'm glad you were around to help him. You are a life saver in my book. I do hope his wife pulls through. He sounds like a good kind old man.
You do not want a life of misery and broken heartedness. You are good kind person, who deserves the same. If you AH doesn't want to change it will only get worse with time. If he not willing to do that for you, and really he needs to do it for himself, then where is the love. I know that is hard to hear, but it looks like you saw a glimpse into the future with your neighbor. Will keep the old mans wife in my thoughts. Just be strong and know that we are here for you. Have a good day.
That was was touching story you just shared. I'm glad you were around to help him. You are a life saver in my book. I do hope his wife pulls through. He sounds like a good kind old man.
You do not want a life of misery and broken heartedness. You are good kind person, who deserves the same. If you AH doesn't want to change it will only get worse with time. If he not willing to do that for you, and really he needs to do it for himself, then where is the love. I know that is hard to hear, but it looks like you saw a glimpse into the future with your neighbor. Will keep the old mans wife in my thoughts. Just be strong and know that we are here for you. Have a good day.
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Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 135
Today Cathy was a little responsive. She was moving her hands and feet. The doctor confirmed it was an overdose.
I am still processing the events and haven't said much to anyone. I did tell my mom and then told her if she saw me to please not hug me or even smile at me because I will probably cry. I am always the tough one... This time, I am finding myself crying a whole lot. I actually woke up this morning from a dream and I was in tears...I can't tell you when that has ever happened to me before! Of course that only made it worse...
I have been coming and reading a lot of old posts just trying to find hope and peace in my own heart. Luckily it was a quiet weekend for the AH and he just stayed out of the way.
Thank you all for your support! I really appreciate you all so much!
I am still processing the events and haven't said much to anyone. I did tell my mom and then told her if she saw me to please not hug me or even smile at me because I will probably cry. I am always the tough one... This time, I am finding myself crying a whole lot. I actually woke up this morning from a dream and I was in tears...I can't tell you when that has ever happened to me before! Of course that only made it worse...
I have been coming and reading a lot of old posts just trying to find hope and peace in my own heart. Luckily it was a quiet weekend for the AH and he just stayed out of the way.
Thank you all for your support! I really appreciate you all so much!
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
oddsunflower…...everyone is allowed to cry....without judgement. Mother nature gave us tears for very good reasons...one, of which, is for emotional expression and "release".
"toughness" or strength is not measured by crying or not. The strongest people are known to cry......lol...I have seen the strongest big men cry....and, deservedly so.
I think it is against our very nature and against our mental health to repress our natural feelings so much....That kind of repression of our feelings and emotions leads to accumulated emotional stress...anxiety reactions, depression, high blood pressure, and all sorts of physical illness as well....
oddsunflower…...the fact that you always have to be the "tough one"...sounds, to me, like you may have taken on that label in the family, along the way....but, it sounds like TOO much of an expectation that you are not allowed to be normal and human, sometimes.
None of us are the same way all of the time...nor, it right that we should be expected to be.....
I expect that you have internalized this role of being the "tough one", along the way...and, now , you are the most severe one, on yourself...…
As a mother, myself, I can tell you that a part of being a mother is attending to the children's tears.....
"toughness" or strength is not measured by crying or not. The strongest people are known to cry......lol...I have seen the strongest big men cry....and, deservedly so.
I think it is against our very nature and against our mental health to repress our natural feelings so much....That kind of repression of our feelings and emotions leads to accumulated emotional stress...anxiety reactions, depression, high blood pressure, and all sorts of physical illness as well....
oddsunflower…...the fact that you always have to be the "tough one"...sounds, to me, like you may have taken on that label in the family, along the way....but, it sounds like TOO much of an expectation that you are not allowed to be normal and human, sometimes.
None of us are the same way all of the time...nor, it right that we should be expected to be.....
I expect that you have internalized this role of being the "tough one", along the way...and, now , you are the most severe one, on yourself...…
As a mother, myself, I can tell you that a part of being a mother is attending to the children's tears.....
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Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 135
Originally Posted by dandylion 
oddsunflower…...everyone is allowed to cry....without judgement. Mother nature gave us tears for very good reasons...one, of which, is for emotional expression and "release".
"toughness" or strength is not measured by crying or not. The strongest people are known to cry......lol...I have seen the strongest big men cry....and, deservedly so.
I think it is against our very nature and against our mental health to repress our natural feelings so much....That kind of repression of our feelings and emotions leads to accumulated emotional stress...anxiety reactions, depression, high blood pressure, and all sorts of physical illness as well....
oddsunflower…...the fact that you always have to be the "tough one"...sounds, to me, like you may have taken on that label in the family, along the way....but, it sounds like TOO much of an expectation that you are not allowed to be normal and human, sometimes.
None of us are the same way all of the time...nor, it right that we should be expected to be.....
I expect that you have internalized this role of being the "tough one", along the way...and, now , you are the most severe one, on yourself...…
As a mother, myself, I can tell you that a part of being a mother is attending to the children's tears.....
"toughness" or strength is not measured by crying or not. The strongest people are known to cry......lol...I have seen the strongest big men cry....and, deservedly so.
I think it is against our very nature and against our mental health to repress our natural feelings so much....That kind of repression of our feelings and emotions leads to accumulated emotional stress...anxiety reactions, depression, high blood pressure, and all sorts of physical illness as well....
oddsunflower…...the fact that you always have to be the "tough one"...sounds, to me, like you may have taken on that label in the family, along the way....but, it sounds like TOO much of an expectation that you are not allowed to be normal and human, sometimes.
None of us are the same way all of the time...nor, it right that we should be expected to be.....
I expect that you have internalized this role of being the "tough one", along the way...and, now , you are the most severe one, on yourself...…
As a mother, myself, I can tell you that a part of being a mother is attending to the children's tears.....
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
oddsunflower…..yes, you seem to have carried the weight of the world on your shoulders....such a heavy weight for such a young person, at that!
To much for the welfare of oddsunflower….
Maybe, time to start thinking about making some change---so that there is some receiving and not all giving...….?
To much for the welfare of oddsunflower….
Maybe, time to start thinking about making some change---so that there is some receiving and not all giving...….?
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Oh gosh. To be exposed to such trauma really does something to your mind. Make sure you take good care of you.
I have to admit, looking at the big picture, my XAH is likely to be a very sick man in his elder years. I did not want to be on the hook taking care of a sick alcoholic for my elder years. It really did play into my decisions and made me look at the very big picture.
It's one thing to have a sickness you cannot control, however, having addiction on top of that is more than I can handle to be around.
Sending huge hugs your way.
I have to admit, looking at the big picture, my XAH is likely to be a very sick man in his elder years. I did not want to be on the hook taking care of a sick alcoholic for my elder years. It really did play into my decisions and made me look at the very big picture.
It's one thing to have a sickness you cannot control, however, having addiction on top of that is more than I can handle to be around.
Sending huge hugs your way.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 267
Originally Posted by hopeful4
I have to admit, looking at the big picture, my XAH is likely to be a very sick man in his elder years. I did not want to be on the hook taking care of a sick alcoholic for my elder years. It really did play into my decisions and made me look at the very big picture.
It's one thing to have a sickness you cannot control, however, having addiction on top of that is more than I can handle to be around.
It's one thing to have a sickness you cannot control, however, having addiction on top of that is more than I can handle to be around.
Oddsunflower...I'm so sorry you're going through this. Thinking of you and your neighbours.
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