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Old 10-08-2019, 03:45 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Doing a runner


He's a moderate drunk, he always managed to make it home (only twice sleeping on the front Verandah next to his vomit because he couldn't get his key in the door) as still manages to maintain a job.
He's more recently started smoking again after five years without. Tabacco and Mary Jane. Not to mention at least $50 in the slots every week. I ask "Why are you so determine to poison yourself?" To which he replies "I'm a grown man and i can do what i want."

I'm so tired of talking to lawyers.
"Pissing on your son's toys isn't illegal, it's not good, but it isn't illegal. You'll still have to share custody."
"Your son being abused by his other child doesn't mean you won't have to share custody. It'll be up to their father's discretion."
"It's very hard to prove mental abuse..."

​​​
Seriously fantasizing about the classic runner. Been warned of psychological side affects for the kid and tbh I have no idea how to do it but I think it might be called for. Anyone else here had to do it?
​​
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Old 10-08-2019, 03:57 PM   #2 (permalink)
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Prayer, strength and being open to help.

What's your support system look like?

Having CPS involved in my life has had some very strangely wrapped gifts. I wouldn't recommend this route to anyone, yet with Higher Power guidance any situation can be made better.

"Legal" vs "moral responsibility". Different departments of the law systems and different people within those all may have different perspectives, methods and experiences.

Emotional abuse is abuse.
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Old 10-08-2019, 04:51 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Hi Zenial, well I don't think anyone would advise breaking the law, however your lawyers don't appear to be very helpful.

Based on his behaviour do you believe he is even all that interested in lots of visitation (should you decide to leave).

I would recommend that you go to see a lawyer that has experience in cases where addiction is involved. Your local Domestic Violence center might be able to assist you there (I would recommend you contact them anyway, they are experts on abuse and can help you regardless).

I hope you are documenting everything, when he is drinking/drunk etc and saving all texts and emails as you might need these to make your case.

I suggest a lawyer with experience in addiction so that he or she can explain options for you that might involve him having supervised visits only or visitation only when he can prove (through something like soberlink) that he hasn't been drinking.
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Old 10-08-2019, 06:40 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Thanks guys. I got absolutely nothing out of CPS. There's no contact centres here either.

It's not so much him who'd come after our child, he's useless on his own, but he'd be puppeteered by his mother who's the biggest narcissist you can imagine. It's all to do with the image of her family and how she'd like it to look. What actually goes on doesn't register to her.
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Old 10-10-2019, 03:22 AM   #5 (permalink)
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Hi Zenial, I don't think the court would look favourably on you taking off just to keep him from sharing custody, but if you had a legitimate reason like a job offer or to be nearer to relatives, that would probably go over better.

I understand about the MIL thing. My DIL's first partner probably wouldn't have give a hoot about seeing her, indeed he moved far away, didn't pay support and pretended not to be working so he only owed a miserable amount. It was his mother driving the custody attempts.

Another thought about you moving is that he's much more likely to get his son for longer periods like school holidays. At least with you living in the same town you'll be within reach, and it's only likely to be overnighters. You can also keep closer watch on the AH for obvious drunkenness or neglect.

Keeping an accurate factual diary about his drug and drinking, along with photos of his stash etc may help with getting supervised custody. Start being a little bit cunning.
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Old 10-10-2019, 07:43 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Zenial,

I agree with everyone else that running is not an option. It sounds good in your head and solves short term problems, but opens up a lot of other problems. I know it's slow to go the legal way of getting what you want. But it's the best way to keep your kids.

I would document everything also. Even if it's small, Every little thing you can show a lawyer or a judge works to your favor. The more evidence you have on him the better. I know you said his mother is puppeteering him. Try not to focus on that, but your self and your kids.

Just take it one day at a time. Be strong and know that we are here for you. Have a great day.
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