thequest

Observation

The A is shifting from rationalization to unsolicited ramblings about their personal desire for alcohol & bars.

For years the A has tried minimizing, justifying, rationalizing when ever the subject of alcohol abuse/their drinking come up in any manner.Or if you picked them up near/at a bar-it's alway's some kind of business "Oh I had to see or meet this person" for what ever or they're a "professional" drinker and know what they are doing-lol

Now unsolicited he talks about his 'need' or desire to be with in walking distance or quick come pick me distance of a bar along with being less than hour away from his drinking buddies. His gf wants to move further away and many friends and family have/are moving on-no more crash pad, close free rides or staging area for his recreational life.

They always say if the person openly talks about their desire or substance that's another sign that they are indeed an addict. One step closer to hitting a bottom/wall or simply moving along side of it now?

DontRemember

I've said this before; you seem waaaayyy too enmeshed in this person's 'doings'. Do you want to live your life constantly concerned about what they're doing/thinking? I'd separate myself and my thoughts from theirs and go about my merry way.

PeacefulWater12

I also encourage you to step away. Focus taking care of yourself.

You will drive yourself insane and make yourself ill trying to analyse what someone else is doing.

AnvilheadII

unless i am mistaken you have been coming here for NINE years complaining about the same addict. observing, dissecting, reporting...and to what end? what has ANY of this done for YOU?
or him?

thequest

It's helped by reading and posting here. Sometimes it takes reading or posting one comment that might help myself and hopefully others. I don't want others to experience what myself and visa versa. First lesson I learned here is no enabling which some consider tough love but still need to learn how to explain that family but you have to educate them and hope the agree with and use that strategy. Coming here helps.

Until that person and their habits are 100% out of anyone's life they must be dealt with in some manner. The situation is still there. Sometimes just venting helps. Or reading what others have gone through similarly.

velma929

In my experience, this isn't true. I had a friend, or more correctly, I thought I had a friend. After a while, she started using me as a taxi service and loan source. When I stopped driving her around and loaning her money, she found someone else to use. Problem solved. When I was no longer useful to her, she moved on. There was no drama. No scenes. She was still civil and polite and we worked together. She wasn't 100% out of my life, she just found other ways to get from point a to point b, and did without new sweaters and skirts, and her son had to wear his old pajamas.

Whether she was an alcoholic, or not, the issue was the same. So was the solution.

thequest

I see what you are saying. Not giving ride or money is easy at this point but there are still the tantrums, diatribes etc. I can even deal with some of the festered family politics from those who still enable/don't see a problem. But the tantrums, diatribes, lectures etc. along with the constant grifter behavior. You can't count on a conversation without. I guess with anyone in the middle of an angry outburst just let them run out of gas by not interrupting or responding.

You're correct stop doing the favors they'll eventually stop or go away. Key word eventually. Say no the wrong way or at the wrong time boom.

I have less and less contact/business with them and soon it will only have to deal with him at family functions.

Hawkeye13

I actually think is is unhealthy to allow someone to use your attention and time in such a negative manner.

What about exiting that conversation before it gets going?

wehav2day

Are you stuck interacting with him because if a child? If so yeah that gets tricky as so many hear deal with.

I can say definitively that attempting to figure out how close he may or not be to his bottom is a complete waste of time and energy.

He doesn’t even know where his bottom is, and sometimes it’s death.

Openness means nothing. It’s something he’s trying. If it shocks no one, that’s less work hiding for him. A win.

When I was at my worst, I expended an enormous amount of energy attempting to hide it. I stopped going to bars. No one saw me drink, ever.

I’m glad this forum helps you, I hope you feel better and gain peace and happiness for yourself.

NYCDoglvr

Alcoholism is a progressive disease and you've witnessed that. And unless he has a very strong desire to stop drinking it will continue to progress. Do you trust and respect him? If not it's time for you to make a change. A big hug.