Update: Shaking
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
your wife's autoimmune disease and associated pain does not CAUSE her drink. she may be in pain but drinking is not a solution. it's a choice. i'm curious how long HAS she been drinking?
if i gt the story right, you didn't see her drinking as a problem. and it wasn't until BF #1 pointed her towards AA about 3 months ago that you came on board with it all. i suspect without you saying so that she's been drinking for quite some time. not like just in the past six months???
if i gt the story right, you didn't see her drinking as a problem. and it wasn't until BF #1 pointed her towards AA about 3 months ago that you came on board with it all. i suspect without you saying so that she's been drinking for quite some time. not like just in the past six months???
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,915
I suffer from neuropathy (nerve damage) in my hands and feet, caused by an autoimmune disease. Doctors are still trying to figure out which autoimmune disease is causing it. There are over 80. In the meantime, I am taking 3600mg of Gabapentin daily. Some days it helps, but some days it doesn't. Sometimes the pain can be excruciating and all I can do is sit and cry until the pain subsides.
As much as it hurts, I have never once considered drinking alcohol. I have been sober for 11 years, and there is nothing that could ever make me take a drink. Sorry if I don't believe your theory that her disease causes her to drink.
As much as it hurts, I have never once considered drinking alcohol. I have been sober for 11 years, and there is nothing that could ever make me take a drink. Sorry if I don't believe your theory that her disease causes her to drink.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
ironwill, ya typed this:
I can't control her journey.
yet i read a wee bit of trying to control it:
I also said that she needs to be honest with him about everything.
She has to take it one day at a time and not focus on the future.
I also told her I want her to stop manipulating me.
on that last one- you want to control it but you are the one allowing yourself to be manipulated. want to control that? stop allowing yourself to be manipulated. she can keep on trying but ya cant be manipulated unless you allow it.
He is in the UK and there is no face to face.
if this referring to an AA sponsor in the UK? no f2f meetings?
I know that but still i try and find at least one thing that will make her life easier.
it sure reads like your actions are enabling. what ya do is only your opinion of whats makin her life easier. it would be a good idea to let her take care of her and you take care of you.
i sure hope ya get to alanon and also pick up a book thats mentioned in this forum often- codependant no more. im reading a LOT of that and know how it was and felt for me- an insane circus of insane circus performances- a viscious cycle of it.
feels pretty good to be free of that today-something i hope you can experience.
you didnt cause it
you cant control it
you cant cure it.
I can't control her journey.
yet i read a wee bit of trying to control it:
I also said that she needs to be honest with him about everything.
She has to take it one day at a time and not focus on the future.
I also told her I want her to stop manipulating me.
on that last one- you want to control it but you are the one allowing yourself to be manipulated. want to control that? stop allowing yourself to be manipulated. she can keep on trying but ya cant be manipulated unless you allow it.
He is in the UK and there is no face to face.
if this referring to an AA sponsor in the UK? no f2f meetings?
I know that but still i try and find at least one thing that will make her life easier.
it sure reads like your actions are enabling. what ya do is only your opinion of whats makin her life easier. it would be a good idea to let her take care of her and you take care of you.
i sure hope ya get to alanon and also pick up a book thats mentioned in this forum often- codependant no more. im reading a LOT of that and know how it was and felt for me- an insane circus of insane circus performances- a viscious cycle of it.
feels pretty good to be free of that today-something i hope you can experience.
you didnt cause it
you cant control it
you cant cure it.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2019
Posts: 395
“Brought this up this morning and she said we have to find our own happiness.”
—
Sadly your answer is right here... loud & clear. If you choose not to listen, it’s gonna bring you a hell of a lot more pain! It’s not about “going down with a fight”? It’s about fighting to lift yourself back up.
—
Sadly your answer is right here... loud & clear. If you choose not to listen, it’s gonna bring you a hell of a lot more pain! It’s not about “going down with a fight”? It’s about fighting to lift yourself back up.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 534
I'm not able to follow this very clearly but one thing is SCREAMING out at me.
As Aries said, WATCH YOUR BANK ACCOUNTS and CREDIT CARDS CAREFULLY.
And change all of YOUR passwords, even to this website.
Please protect yourself!
As Aries said, WATCH YOUR BANK ACCOUNTS and CREDIT CARDS CAREFULLY.
And change all of YOUR passwords, even to this website.
Please protect yourself!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: maine
Posts: 1,548
Originally Posted by endofmyrope65 
2x4 alert!!!!!
Time to put your foot down and put it down HARD.
NO MALE SPONSORS.
NO MALE FRIENDS.
P E R I O D
The distance means nothing.
He wants to b---g your wife.
Get your head on straight and stop being a doormat.
This is nonsense.
She cheats, she get no pass.
Do this for your own sanity and self-esteem.
And do it now. No debates. No discussion. NO Male Sponsor or friends.
If she baulks, hand her D papers and mean it.
Time to put your foot down and put it down HARD.
NO MALE SPONSORS.
NO MALE FRIENDS.
P E R I O D
The distance means nothing.
He wants to b---g your wife.
Get your head on straight and stop being a doormat.
This is nonsense.
She cheats, she get no pass.
Do this for your own sanity and self-esteem.
And do it now. No debates. No discussion. NO Male Sponsor or friends.
If she baulks, hand her D papers and mean it.
I'd be watching the bank accounts though.
Another thing, aside from the obvious loyalty issues: Isn't this typical of an alcoholic, or any of various personality problems? Isn't it convenient that all Idol sees is what she chooses for him to see or know? Each side totally controls the narrative the other hears, and each can imagine the other is perfect and blameless in every way. "They said my drinking diminished my job performance, but they were really out to get me." "My parents didn't teach me how to budget, it's not my fault I can't handle money." and the always popular, "my spouse doesn't understand me / we've grown apart. "
On an emotional level, this is just a 21st century version of my crush on Bobby Sherman or David Cassidy or [fill in the idol of your choice]. Now we get feedback however weird, one-sided, or disordered, from someone else. It's a juvenile crush, but the internet can now allow emotionally stunted people to have limited, fake relationships with one another.
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