Blogs


Notices

Bottom Deflation at Depth

Old 08-08-2019, 07:29 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Hopeworks's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,237
Bottom Deflation at Depth

My last living qualifier called me tonight. He was my chronic relapsing fiancť for 3 years and I broke it off 9 years ago. He wanted to know if I wanted to sail off with him to the Caribbean with him because he was being evicted from his skid row apartment soon. I hadnít talked to him for a year when he was dying from sepsis in a hospital last summer.

he was shocked I had no interest in running off to an Island with him! Of course... I would pay and deal with alcoholic mooosh brain (he assured me he only socially drank now).

they are all dead now in their addiction. Dad. My brother. But this guy is like a vampire. He is outliving everybody and defying the odds.

he has been at deaths door at least 9 times. Maybe more. I told him his nickname was No llonger Christopher Robin but Christopher Cat... because he had not 9 but 19 lives.

How mystifying that someone can be blessed with so many deep andnear death experiences with high IQ, good looks, tons of charisma and charm and even spirituality and never get that white light blinding bottom deflation at depth?

so mystifying. So confusing. So heartbreaking. He was a huge love...ímaybe my true love... but now ... just a moooosh brain. Dying every so slowly in skid row la. He once was in penthouses charming everyone with his electric smile and sparkling blue eyes.

now he is a zombie... but swears he is sober! Even has an unopened bottle of wine in his skid row apartment! And at one time was an amazing, incredible, sweet man in authentic recovery.

so .... hard to accept. But I have. And I am strong. And I am happy. Despite his choices.

shed a tear... moving on.


Last edited by Hopeworks; 08-08-2019 at 07:34 PM. Reason: Need to ... wrong word
Hopeworks is offline  
The Following 10 Users Say Thank You to Hopeworks For This Useful Post:
Bekindalways (08-08-2019), Bernadette (08-10-2019), dandylion (08-08-2019), HardLessons (08-09-2019), Hawkeye13 (08-08-2019), pdm22 (08-09-2019), seekingcalm (08-12-2019), SmallButMighty (08-09-2019), SparkleKitty (08-08-2019), trailmix (08-08-2019)
Old 08-08-2019, 07:52 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 5,385
Wow Hopeworks, you really have had so many taken from you by alcoholism.

Your description of your ex-fiance years ago sounds so lovely. So so sad.

You must have put in lots of work to get to where you are. I'm thinking the hard won wisdom comes with a bit of sadness as we all know the future for this once beautiful person.

Big hug.
Bekindalways is online now  
The Following 3 Users Say Thank You to Bekindalways For This Useful Post:
dandylion (08-08-2019), pdm22 (08-09-2019), seekingcalm (08-12-2019)
Old 08-09-2019, 01:05 AM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Member
 
Dazedandconfus's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2019
Posts: 868
Originally Posted by Hopeworks View Post
My last living qualifier called me tonight. He was my chronic relapsing fiancť for 3 years and I broke it off 9 years ago. He wanted to know if I wanted to sail off with him to the Caribbean with him because he was being evicted from his skid row apartment soon. I hadnít talked to him for a year when he was dying from sepsis in a hospital last summer.

he was shocked I had no interest in running off to an Island with him! Of course... I would pay and deal with alcoholic mooosh brain (he assured me he only socially drank now).

they are all dead now in their addiction. Dad. My brother. But this guy is like a vampire. He is outliving everybody and defying the odds.

he has been at deaths door at least 9 times. Maybe more. I told him his nickname was No llonger Christopher Robin but Christopher Cat... because he had not 9 but 19 lives.

How mystifying that someone can be blessed with so many deep andnear death experiences with high IQ, good looks, tons of charisma and charm and even spirituality and never get that white light blinding bottom deflation at depth?

so mystifying. So confusing. So heartbreaking. He was a huge love...ímaybe my true love... but now ... just a moooosh brain. Dying every so slowly in skid row la. He once was in penthouses charming everyone with his electric smile and sparkling blue eyes.

now he is a zombie... but swears he is sober! Even has an unopened bottle of wine in his skid row apartment! And at one time was an amazing, incredible, sweet man in authentic recovery.

so .... hard to accept. But I have. And I am strong. And I am happy. Despite his choices.

shed a tear... moving on.

you have described my AH. Divorce papers imminent. He too was the true love of my life, heís trying right now to recover from his chronic binges which are just horrible, but I donít trust it anymore. Thank you for your post. Itís reality and what it is. Hugs.
Dazedandconfus is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Dazedandconfus For This Useful Post:
seekingcalm (08-12-2019)
Old 08-09-2019, 03:16 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Forum Leader
 
Seren's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Posts: 10,606
Blog Entries: 8
Hello hopeworks,

The grandiose and completely delusional plans...my stepson has those, too. I'm sorry you had this encounter -- such a waste of what could have been a wonderful life.
Seren is offline  
The Following User Says Thank You to Seren For This Useful Post:
seekingcalm (08-12-2019)
Old 08-09-2019, 02:04 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
Hawkeye13's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 9,554
Hopeworks I am glad you have moved on and found peace.
Yours was one of the first stories I followed when I joined SR, and I will never forget it.

I encourage members who don't know your story to look back at your threads to see how bad life can get with an active chronic A, and also how one can learn to set boundaries, grow, and reclaim their life with grace and humor as you did.

I'm sorry he never found recovery. I kinda hoped he would and you guys would meet on that island for a date as you had once planned. Alcohol is a deadly enemy.

Best to you always HW
Hawkeye13 is online now  
The Following 2 Users Say Thank You to Hawkeye13 For This Useful Post:
seekingcalm (08-12-2019), trailmix (08-09-2019)

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 09:52 PM.