He is moving on...
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Originally Posted by ScaryTime 
Agreed! Called him tonight and told him I don't want the dogs kenneled for 12 hours a day and that my brother offered to stay with them while I am out of town. He said that was probably best as he is working a lot and blah blah blah. So problem solved. Thank you for all of the comments. I would've continued to allow him to control the situation...
now my next problem...he wants to take one of them hunting this fall... I don't want her to go, she is the only bird dog that goes and hunts for like 4 or 5 guys it is too much for her. He assures me that he loves her too and won't let anything happen. But he won't be the one paying the vet bills when she comes home all beat up from hunting and I just don't want her to go. She's my baby! And its not like he is coming to pick her up and get her into shape for hunting. She isn't severely overweight but she is definitely not in shape to go out west and hunt the way he expects.
so I just tell him no? That will, be the final straw for him i think
that's probably why i am hesitant but that's probably what i need to do just tell him she's not going...she lives to go and hunt but i don't think she should go
now my next problem...he wants to take one of them hunting this fall... I don't want her to go, she is the only bird dog that goes and hunts for like 4 or 5 guys it is too much for her. He assures me that he loves her too and won't let anything happen. But he won't be the one paying the vet bills when she comes home all beat up from hunting and I just don't want her to go. She's my baby! And its not like he is coming to pick her up and get her into shape for hunting. She isn't severely overweight but she is definitely not in shape to go out west and hunt the way he expects.
so I just tell him no? That will, be the final straw for him i think
that's probably why i am hesitant but that's probably what i need to do just tell him she's not going...she lives to go and hunt but i don't think she should go
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Originally Posted by Hawkeye13
To put an unfit dog in the field is to put her at risk. If he isn't getting her in shape, I would not let him take her.
thank you for confirming!
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Originally Posted by dandylion
ScaryTime….I agree that not to let her go is the best decision....for the dog.....
and I do feel bad for her somewhat because she is a bird dog and is truly in her element when she is hunting, but she is just out of shape, she went last year but I told him she wasn't going if he didn't get her in better shape so he did, took her to dog park daily for about two months
given the changes in the situation though neither of us really have the ability to do that
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If she got sick you would feel terrible. I've worked with foxhounds for years and conditioning is a critical part of prepping for the season.
Things have changed for both of you. It's ok to let this connection go. If he really cares more for the dog than his convenience, he will understand. If not, that tells you something about him.
Things have changed for both of you. It's ok to let this connection go. If he really cares more for the dog than his convenience, he will understand. If not, that tells you something about him.
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Join Date: Feb 2019
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This is going to sound harsh. But, unlike children, you don’t actually have to coparent dogs. You can make the decision about who owns them and then stick with it. I understand you care about your dogs I don’t want to give them up, but why on earth do you have to shuttle them back-and-forth as if you had a custody agreement? I’m not a family law attorney but I don’t think that the court will force you to do that. You do not need to let anyone take your dogs anywhere if they belong to you, and I’m fairly certain the enjoyment that the dog gets from hunting is vastly outweighed by the damage of having found a way to make your qualifiers actions your problem when you aren’t together anymore.
I had a pet I loved very much, and when I needed to divorce my first husband, I let him keep the cat, because my life is more important than a cat. I’m not saying you should let him have the dogs, but it’s pretty common for divorced folks to figure out who owns the dogs and leave it at that. This seems like the thing that keeps you tied to a life that you apparently don’t want anymore, so maybe it’s worth considering finding a way to rip that Band-Aid off. It may not be intentional, but the way this is playing out as a thread between you two that he can keep jerking and you keep having to take actions and feel things based on how he conducts his life.
if I could just put my foot down and keep my kid all the time, I would do it in a heartbeat and I could give a crap how XAH felt about it. You have that luxury. Take it.
I had a pet I loved very much, and when I needed to divorce my first husband, I let him keep the cat, because my life is more important than a cat. I’m not saying you should let him have the dogs, but it’s pretty common for divorced folks to figure out who owns the dogs and leave it at that. This seems like the thing that keeps you tied to a life that you apparently don’t want anymore, so maybe it’s worth considering finding a way to rip that Band-Aid off. It may not be intentional, but the way this is playing out as a thread between you two that he can keep jerking and you keep having to take actions and feel things based on how he conducts his life.
if I could just put my foot down and keep my kid all the time, I would do it in a heartbeat and I could give a crap how XAH felt about it. You have that luxury. Take it.
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Originally Posted by DiggingForFire
This is going to sound harsh. But, unlike children, you don’t actually have to coparent dogs. You can make the decision about who owns them and then stick with it. I understand you care about your dogs I don’t want to give them up, but why on earth do you have to shuttle them back-and-forth as if you had a custody agreement? I’m not a family law attorney but I don’t think that the court will force you to do that. You do not need to let anyone take your dogs anywhere if they belong to you, and I’m fairly certain the enjoyment that the dog gets from hunting is vastly outweighed by the damage of having found a way to make your qualifiers actions your problem when you aren’t together anymore.
I had a pet I loved very much, and when I needed to divorce my first husband, I let him keep the cat, because my life is more important than a cat. I’m not saying you should let him have the dogs, but it’s pretty common for divorced folks to figure out who owns the dogs and leave it at that. This seems like the thing that keeps you tied to a life that you apparently don’t want anymore, so maybe it’s worth considering finding a way to rip that Band-Aid off. It may not be intentional, but the way this is playing out as a thread between you two that he can keep jerking and you keep having to take actions and feel things based on how he conducts his life.
if I could just put my foot down and keep my kid all the time, I would do it in a heartbeat and I could give a crap how XAH felt about it. You have that luxury. Take it.
I had a pet I loved very much, and when I needed to divorce my first husband, I let him keep the cat, because my life is more important than a cat. I’m not saying you should let him have the dogs, but it’s pretty common for divorced folks to figure out who owns the dogs and leave it at that. This seems like the thing that keeps you tied to a life that you apparently don’t want anymore, so maybe it’s worth considering finding a way to rip that Band-Aid off. It may not be intentional, but the way this is playing out as a thread between you two that he can keep jerking and you keep having to take actions and feel things based on how he conducts his life.
if I could just put my foot down and keep my kid all the time, I would do it in a heartbeat and I could give a crap how XAH felt about it. You have that luxury. Take it.
I am allowing him to put me in the situation again and also helping him do so by my reluctance to be the “bad guy” yet again in the situation
but I do feel that I need to protect her (my doggy)
he wont see it that way, I am quite certain
<sigh>
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Can you take her to a vet and get a recommendation from him/her?
All kinds of painful expensive injuries can happen when a dog’s enthusiasm outweighs her body’s capacity. A cruciate rupture repair could cost thousands in surgeries and hospitalizations.
Ultimately yes, you need the dogs to end up with you because he won’t take care of them properly. But I understand the need to pick your battles and if your vet can back you up on this one?
All kinds of painful expensive injuries can happen when a dog’s enthusiasm outweighs her body’s capacity. A cruciate rupture repair could cost thousands in surgeries and hospitalizations.
Ultimately yes, you need the dogs to end up with you because he won’t take care of them properly. But I understand the need to pick your battles and if your vet can back you up on this one?
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now my next problem...he wants to take one of them hunting this fall.
we haven't officially hit SUMMER yet. perhaps you are borrowing problems that aren't really problems?
it's time to stop equating saying NO with being THE BAD GUY. you aren't his mommy taking his ice cream cone away. but you might be resisting taking a firm stance with your ex for FEAR that it might drive him farther away than you are ready to let him go.
check your motives. i have a little sign on my wall at work:
There are no problems, there is only resistance to the solutions.
we haven't officially hit SUMMER yet. perhaps you are borrowing problems that aren't really problems?
it's time to stop equating saying NO with being THE BAD GUY. you aren't his mommy taking his ice cream cone away. but you might be resisting taking a firm stance with your ex for FEAR that it might drive him farther away than you are ready to let him go.
check your motives. i have a little sign on my wall at work:
There are no problems, there is only resistance to the solutions.
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Anvil has an excellent point--maybe time to cut the cord and let him go his way, and you go your way with the dogs.
You can't see the wonderful future ahead of you if you're looking back waiting for his next request, yes?
You can't see the wonderful future ahead of you if you're looking back waiting for his next request, yes?
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Seems to me that the only negative to saying that your ex cannot take your dog hunting is that your ex won't like that and will get angry.
Not a good enough reason to do what doesn't seem right for your dog, and also clearly makes you uncomfortable.
Not a good enough reason to do what doesn't seem right for your dog, and also clearly makes you uncomfortable.
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Yes you are all right. I don’t want to make him angry. And am still holding on, and I don’t know why.... I have gotten a little away from my program and perhaps it is time I started working on it harder again!
Thank you all for telling it to me straight!
Thank you all for telling it to me straight!
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