New Boyfriend: Red Flags?
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Join Date: Nov 2016
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Originally Posted by SaveHer 
I'm sure someone else would see this as flattering, but I thought it seemed jealous and possessive.
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Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 190
Thank you to everyone for your thoughts, for corroborating what I already suspected, that this man is toxic, narcissistic at best and abusive at worst. In any event, I don't want to find out the extent of his problems, and I definitely don't want that sh*t around my daughter.
Overall, I'm not displeased with the way I've handled this situation. This all just happened last Sunday, less than a week ago. I knew all of these things were red flags as they were happening. I asked him to leave as promptly as human decency allowed, which had to be the next morning so he wouldn't drive under the influence for the 30 miles it takes to get back home. I haven't seen him since the incident. I'm in the process of sorting through what it all means, slowly and deliberately, and I have no intention of seeing him again.
Want to hear the funny part? I was in the process of ending things via text, very politely and amicably, and then I accidentally sent him a text intended for my BFF that called him a narcissist among other things.
Overall, I'm not displeased with the way I've handled this situation. This all just happened last Sunday, less than a week ago. I knew all of these things were red flags as they were happening. I asked him to leave as promptly as human decency allowed, which had to be the next morning so he wouldn't drive under the influence for the 30 miles it takes to get back home. I haven't seen him since the incident. I'm in the process of sorting through what it all means, slowly and deliberately, and I have no intention of seeing him again.
Want to hear the funny part? I was in the process of ending things via text, very politely and amicably, and then I accidentally sent him a text intended for my BFF that called him a narcissist among other things.
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Join Date: Oct 2017
Posts: 497
Originally Posted by SaveHer
Thank you to everyone for your thoughts, for corroborating what I already suspected, that this man is toxic, narcissistic at best and abusive at worst. In any event, I don't want to find out the extent of his problems, and I definitely don't want that sh*t around my daughter.
Overall, I'm not displeased with the way I've handled this situation. This all just happened last Sunday, less than a week ago. I knew all of these things were red flags as they were happening. I asked him to leave as promptly as human decency allowed, which had to be the next morning so he wouldn't drive under the influence for the 30 miles it takes to get back home. I haven't seen him since the incident. I'm in the process of sorting through what it all means, slowly and deliberately, and I have no intention of seeing him again.
Want to hear the funny part? I was in the process of ending things via text, very politely and amicably, and then I accidentally sent him a text intended for my BFF that called him a narcissist among other things.
Overall, I'm not displeased with the way I've handled this situation. This all just happened last Sunday, less than a week ago. I knew all of these things were red flags as they were happening. I asked him to leave as promptly as human decency allowed, which had to be the next morning so he wouldn't drive under the influence for the 30 miles it takes to get back home. I haven't seen him since the incident. I'm in the process of sorting through what it all means, slowly and deliberately, and I have no intention of seeing him again.
Want to hear the funny part? I was in the process of ending things via text, very politely and amicably, and then I accidentally sent him a text intended for my BFF that called him a narcissist among other things.
Good! There will be a good one out there!
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
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Don't know if you've heard this quote from Maya Angelou or not yet, but here it is: When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.
He showed you, in no uncertain ways. You believed him and took the appropriate action. Things are working as they should. Another lesson learned for you.
He showed you, in no uncertain ways. You believed him and took the appropriate action. Things are working as they should. Another lesson learned for you.
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Join Date: Jun 2016
Posts: 773
Talking about ex girlfriends is a dealbreaker is a red flag IMO. So is drinking and belittling you. This information should be only shared when asked. This dude has INSECURE written all over him, with the side of narcissism. Most definitely nothing to work with there.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
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Just another note from my thoughts on your other thread.....getting mixed up with your ex's new GF is a version of what this guy is doing about his ex. The talking bad part is something that he's doing as manipulation, likely, and for you it would almost certainly be seen as "crazy" at best or possibly manipulative too, quite possibly taken as commentary about his parenting. Does that make sense?
From my experience with the abusive ex I mentioned above, his talk about his crazy ex wife (that word!! A red flag itself) was something I should have seen for what it was....and I certainly wouldn't have reacted well to her direct commentary on me. That part was bad enough coming second hand from his children! Needless to say, I sure didn't believe HER at the time.
To me, and this is just based on what I've experienced and what you have shared when I put your two threads together, the healthiest thing and the thing for your best life is to work on you and take care of you and your little one.
Best thoughts and wishes for happiness and peace.
From my experience with the abusive ex I mentioned above, his talk about his crazy ex wife (that word!! A red flag itself) was something I should have seen for what it was....and I certainly wouldn't have reacted well to her direct commentary on me. That part was bad enough coming second hand from his children! Needless to say, I sure didn't believe HER at the time.
To me, and this is just based on what I've experienced and what you have shared when I put your two threads together, the healthiest thing and the thing for your best life is to work on you and take care of you and your little one.
Best thoughts and wishes for happiness and peace.
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