Music helped me through so much
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 222
Music helped me through so much
When my AXH walked out, without notice, after 26 years of marriage, I thought my world had fallen apart. Everything I had ever known since 21 years old was gone. My youngest had just gone to college and he left. I was completely alone. Many things were instrumental in my healing towards inner peace, inner strength and finding true happiness within myself.
This site was really my jumping off point and will always be tremendously grateful for the experience, strength and hope I found here. Alanon and its support there was also an important part of my healing. Therapy, yoga, meditation, friends and family (though their ability to truly understand was limited, through no fault of their own) and exercise were mainstays in my healing and played a major role in all of it.
However, music played a large part in this as well. And I have watched how my playlist evolved over time and I'd like to share it with you.
Before he left I used to play "Say Something" from A Great Big World. "Say something I'm giving up on you..." Because he just wouldn't talk and it was becoming unbearable. I was pretty down at this time. Then things started to change. But it's interesting when I hear this song because I remember how absolutely desperate I was for change.
The Beatles "Let it Be" helped me to remember to let go and let things just be as they are meant to be and "Here Comes the Sun".
Songs about love like "I Won't Give Up" by Jason Mraz I used to make it between me and God. I found that "couple" type songs were hard until I either looked at them about my relationship with God or my relationship with myself. "I Won't Give Up" to me used to be about me never giving up on me. No more self-abandonment.
"Don't Give Up" by Peter Gabriel, "Things are Going to Get Easier" by Five Stairsteps.
As Tom Petty is my all time favorite artist, "Learning to Fly", "Free Falling" and "Time to Move On" were played alot, but my all time favorite TP tune is "Wildflowers". "You belong among the wildflowers, you belong somewhere you feel free".
Then as I became stronger my playlist changed again...
This song was huge for me if you ever read the lyrics:
"Praying" by Kesha. "...after everything you've done I can thank you for how strong i have become" and "Cause you brought the flames and you put me through hell, I had to learn how to fight for myself, and we both know all the truth i could tell, I'll just say this is I wish you farewell". Also from that song "Im proud of who I am, No more monsters I can breathe again, and you said that I was done, Well you were wrong and now the best is yet to come, cause I can make it on my own, and I don't need you, i found a strength Ive never known, I'll bring thunder, I'll bring rain, when I'm finished they won't even know your name".
And when I really moved in to who I was, why I was here and my true power and happiness...
"Im Coming Out" by Diana Ross
"Roar", "Wide Awake" and "Firework" by Katy Perry
"Fight Song" by Rachel Platten
"Brave" by Sara Bareilles
"Run the World" Beyonce (come on, you gotta find strength in Beyonce)
"Superwoman" Alicia Keys
"Girl on Fire" Alicia Keys
"America's Sweetheart" Elle King
"Stronger" Kelly Clarkson
"Shake it Off" Taylor Swift
"No" Meghan Trainor
"You Don't Own Me" Grace, G-Eazy
"RISE UP" always great by Andra Day, played loudly
"I Can See Clearly Now" Jimmy Cliff
"Carry On" Fun.
"Im Still Standing" Elton John
"Im Free" Soupdragons
"Best Thing I Never Had" Beyonce
"Titanium" David Guetta
and of course..."Already Gone" by the Eagles
There were many more, but these were some I loved to listen to during my journey. I made a playlist on Spotify called "This is My New Life" and when I'd have tough days I'd play this list, loudly, and start dancing or singing and feel way better". The list grows constantly, but this is what I have right now. Just thought I'd put them out there in case anyone needed some inspirational music today
This site was really my jumping off point and will always be tremendously grateful for the experience, strength and hope I found here. Alanon and its support there was also an important part of my healing. Therapy, yoga, meditation, friends and family (though their ability to truly understand was limited, through no fault of their own) and exercise were mainstays in my healing and played a major role in all of it.
However, music played a large part in this as well. And I have watched how my playlist evolved over time and I'd like to share it with you.
Before he left I used to play "Say Something" from A Great Big World. "Say something I'm giving up on you..." Because he just wouldn't talk and it was becoming unbearable. I was pretty down at this time. Then things started to change. But it's interesting when I hear this song because I remember how absolutely desperate I was for change.
The Beatles "Let it Be" helped me to remember to let go and let things just be as they are meant to be and "Here Comes the Sun".
Songs about love like "I Won't Give Up" by Jason Mraz I used to make it between me and God. I found that "couple" type songs were hard until I either looked at them about my relationship with God or my relationship with myself. "I Won't Give Up" to me used to be about me never giving up on me. No more self-abandonment.
"Don't Give Up" by Peter Gabriel, "Things are Going to Get Easier" by Five Stairsteps.
As Tom Petty is my all time favorite artist, "Learning to Fly", "Free Falling" and "Time to Move On" were played alot, but my all time favorite TP tune is "Wildflowers". "You belong among the wildflowers, you belong somewhere you feel free".
Then as I became stronger my playlist changed again...
This song was huge for me if you ever read the lyrics:
"Praying" by Kesha. "...after everything you've done I can thank you for how strong i have become" and "Cause you brought the flames and you put me through hell, I had to learn how to fight for myself, and we both know all the truth i could tell, I'll just say this is I wish you farewell". Also from that song "Im proud of who I am, No more monsters I can breathe again, and you said that I was done, Well you were wrong and now the best is yet to come, cause I can make it on my own, and I don't need you, i found a strength Ive never known, I'll bring thunder, I'll bring rain, when I'm finished they won't even know your name".
And when I really moved in to who I was, why I was here and my true power and happiness...
"Im Coming Out" by Diana Ross
"Roar", "Wide Awake" and "Firework" by Katy Perry
"Fight Song" by Rachel Platten
"Brave" by Sara Bareilles
"Run the World" Beyonce (come on, you gotta find strength in Beyonce)
"Superwoman" Alicia Keys
"Girl on Fire" Alicia Keys
"America's Sweetheart" Elle King
"Stronger" Kelly Clarkson
"Shake it Off" Taylor Swift
"No" Meghan Trainor
"You Don't Own Me" Grace, G-Eazy
"RISE UP" always great by Andra Day, played loudly
"I Can See Clearly Now" Jimmy Cliff
"Carry On" Fun.
"Im Still Standing" Elton John
"Im Free" Soupdragons
"Best Thing I Never Had" Beyonce
"Titanium" David Guetta
and of course..."Already Gone" by the Eagles
There were many more, but these were some I loved to listen to during my journey. I made a playlist on Spotify called "This is My New Life" and when I'd have tough days I'd play this list, loudly, and start dancing or singing and feel way better". The list grows constantly, but this is what I have right now. Just thought I'd put them out there in case anyone needed some inspirational music today
Member
Join Date: Jul 2018
Posts: 1,355
Amazing what a distance you've come. Strange I've gone the opposite way. I can't listen to any music now, it makes me too emotional and I read too much into it. I think I'm like jelly below the surface so I can't listen to music and I used to love to. I'm sure I'll get it back but for now, it's meditation music only.
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Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 184
Amy, This was a post that I needed to see today. I relate to most everything through music.
When I was still with my abusive AF, the dog and I would go "for a ride" on the weekends, both Saturday and Sunday. We would stay away for hours because that was how I kept both of us safe (Yes, he was also abusive to the dog). I remember hearing "Say Something" many times and tears would come to my eyes thinking that, no matter how hard I tried, or how much I begged, he would not consider getting help for his drinking and I knew, on some level, it was not going to get better. I was so exhausted, both emotionally and physically, and that song would just break me. "And I will swallow my pride, You're the one that I love, And I'm saying goodbye." I knew that I had to leave and was trying to find my way out, but I was also conflicted because I loved him and continued, even after he was removed by the police, to care. I'm finally getting to the point where it doesn't hurt nearly as much and have recognized the neuroscience behind abuse and trauma bonding for what it is.
Today, the dog and I "went for a ride" because she loves the car. She never understood why we were always riding, even when it was snowing and freezing cold, she just knew we were on an adventure. We drove over to a small town where we used to go to watch the river and the people kayaking, or maybe walk next to it. There was a lot of apprehension going back to that place and the memories it held for me, but the dog was happy to be there. We stayed as long as we wanted and didn't worry about what we would find, or what would happen, when we got home. We have a new playlist because we can't listen to "Summer 2018" anymore--it's just too painful and reminds us of the early days when he was first away and the fear we endured for so long. We've had to say goodbye to some great music.
Today, we share a lot of the same songs on the current playlist and Elle King "They say I'll never be the poster type, they don't make posters of my kind of life"; Alicia Keys "She's just a girl and she's on fire"; and Lauren Alaina "If you trust your rebel heart, ride it into battle, Don't be afraid, take the road less traveled. Wear out your boots and kick up the gravel, Don't be afraid, take the road less traveled on." get heavy rotation.
Thanks for a great post
When I was still with my abusive AF, the dog and I would go "for a ride" on the weekends, both Saturday and Sunday. We would stay away for hours because that was how I kept both of us safe (Yes, he was also abusive to the dog). I remember hearing "Say Something" many times and tears would come to my eyes thinking that, no matter how hard I tried, or how much I begged, he would not consider getting help for his drinking and I knew, on some level, it was not going to get better. I was so exhausted, both emotionally and physically, and that song would just break me. "And I will swallow my pride, You're the one that I love, And I'm saying goodbye." I knew that I had to leave and was trying to find my way out, but I was also conflicted because I loved him and continued, even after he was removed by the police, to care. I'm finally getting to the point where it doesn't hurt nearly as much and have recognized the neuroscience behind abuse and trauma bonding for what it is.
Today, the dog and I "went for a ride" because she loves the car. She never understood why we were always riding, even when it was snowing and freezing cold, she just knew we were on an adventure. We drove over to a small town where we used to go to watch the river and the people kayaking, or maybe walk next to it. There was a lot of apprehension going back to that place and the memories it held for me, but the dog was happy to be there. We stayed as long as we wanted and didn't worry about what we would find, or what would happen, when we got home. We have a new playlist because we can't listen to "Summer 2018" anymore--it's just too painful and reminds us of the early days when he was first away and the fear we endured for so long. We've had to say goodbye to some great music.
Today, we share a lot of the same songs on the current playlist and Elle King "They say I'll never be the poster type, they don't make posters of my kind of life"; Alicia Keys "She's just a girl and she's on fire"; and Lauren Alaina "If you trust your rebel heart, ride it into battle, Don't be afraid, take the road less traveled. Wear out your boots and kick up the gravel, Don't be afraid, take the road less traveled on." get heavy rotation.
Thanks for a great post
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 222
Leelee, Im so glad the post resonated with you. Music has always been a huge part of my life and in the beginning I couldn't figure out how I was going to keep music in my life when so many songs seemed to be about couples in love and would make me burst into tears. Once I decided the couple was Me and Me or Me and my Higher Power, that allowed music back in and from there it just got better and better. For me, music really soothes my soul.
Yes, Elle King nails it with so much of the lyrics in "America's Sweetheart". And it's funny that you had the identical experience to me with "Say Something." That song really made me cry as well because I knew things were a complete disaster at that point and there was no way I was going to get him to communicate with me. And the relationship needed to end. Even though he left, the relationship was over long before that.
Thanks for sharing. And by the way, besides the things I mentioned which helped me survive along my journey, my dog was probably one of the most important pieces. She was my everything. I had to put her to sleep a few months ago, but she was 15 and stayed with me as long as she could. So I truly get the relationship we have with our dogs in good times as well as the really trying times. They truly love us unconditionally and there is nothing better than that
Yes, Elle King nails it with so much of the lyrics in "America's Sweetheart". And it's funny that you had the identical experience to me with "Say Something." That song really made me cry as well because I knew things were a complete disaster at that point and there was no way I was going to get him to communicate with me. And the relationship needed to end. Even though he left, the relationship was over long before that.
Thanks for sharing. And by the way, besides the things I mentioned which helped me survive along my journey, my dog was probably one of the most important pieces. She was my everything. I had to put her to sleep a few months ago, but she was 15 and stayed with me as long as she could. So I truly get the relationship we have with our dogs in good times as well as the really trying times. They truly love us unconditionally and there is nothing better than that
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
FindingAmy…..I like your playlist.....
biminniblue put me onto the following song...by Jos Stone, which has become a favorite of mine.....takes me back to the many times that I had to go against the tide....
https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q...CF5E&FORM=VIRE
I notice that you put a Peter Gabriel song in your list.....
Brings to mind one of his songs that I consider an absolute universal message for women everywhere...…
lol...it is best played loud....
On youtube, you will find many versions of the song...you might like the African version...because of the incredible photography....
https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q...8&&FORM=VRDGAR
biminniblue put me onto the following song...by Jos Stone, which has become a favorite of mine.....takes me back to the many times that I had to go against the tide....
https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q...CF5E&FORM=VIRE
I notice that you put a Peter Gabriel song in your list.....
Brings to mind one of his songs that I consider an absolute universal message for women everywhere...…
lol...it is best played loud....
On youtube, you will find many versions of the song...you might like the African version...because of the incredible photography....
https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q...8&&FORM=VRDGAR
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Join Date: Oct 2015
Posts: 222
Dandylion, I love Shaking the Tree!! Just added it to my playlist. Thanks. And the video is great, how cute is that Peter Gabriel?! Thanks for the recommendation. Love it!
Also adding Jos Stone. Great lyrics to this song. Thanks so much!!
Also adding Jos Stone. Great lyrics to this song. Thanks so much!!
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